(Closed) It's OVER. Lying, cheating scumbag husband

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 122
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Pomapoo:  I am so sorry for what you are going through, and I’m glad you were able to find out so you could *get* out.

I disagree that you shouldnt hang around here and tell your story. In fact, I think it’s SO important that women like you who saw the signs, did their homework, and found out they werent imagining things share their experience with others who may be in the same position. So may times we doubt our own intuition, and don’t do any investigating because we dont want to be labeled a “snoop.”

You knew something was up, you followed your gut, and you were right. Think what might have happened had you ignored these signs?

Again, very sorry for your experience…but I think it’s important you share this cautionary tale with others.

Post # 123
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee

Stay strong OP….I’m so glad you have your mother there for support! Screw him and the hoe…hope she tweets that she settled for being side line ho for as long as she did!

Post # 124
Member
9951 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Thanks for the UPDATE

(( HUGS ))

I am soooo sorry you are going thru this, Divorce sucks… I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy

Good advice here from the other Bees

Be strong… but stick around WBee too, cause you now have a wealth of “unfortunate” info you can share with others due to your experience

And on that note…

As someone who has been thru this whole Divorce crap (including years and years of court) I have to tell you it will take a lot out of you (Divorce & court)

So spend the “downtime” on you

I’d skip the Dating scene for awhile, and concentrate on yourself… Therapy, Self-Help Books etc there is a lot of great ways to learn more about yourself and improve yourself (hang out with GFs, go on vacation, take a course, pick up a hobby, go to the gym etc)

The more stronger confident you become, the better person you are at the end of the day / Divorce Road

And as others said, you don’t want to jump back into the whole Dating Pool too soon, without proper preparation (emotional etc) that can be a disaster

Never mind that yes… a Judge could use it against you… (unbelieveable but true… in reality I found out a lot of things I expected to happen from the legal system didn’t… they really let me down).  But that is another story, for another day

My best advice is as I stated, keep busy, and find yourself again under the pile of pain / grief

Two great books I read post Divorce were:

Greg Behrendt’s = “He’s Just Not That Into You”

and

Dr Phil’s = “Love Smart – Find the One You Want ~ Fix the One you got”

They are FANTASTIC cause they are written from a Man’s point of view… will tell you a lot about how men think in relationships… and help you to find your inner strength.  (They have phenominal Surveys you can take to learn a lot about yourself, and what a Healthy Relationship looks like)

And as this is a Break Up… You might want to also read Greg’s other book

“It’s called a Break Up Because It’s Broken”

Hang in there kiddo, you’ll make it.  And don’t forget us here on WBee, we care about you and would love to hear from time to time how you are doing

(( HUGS ))

 

Post # 126
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Pomapoo:  If he knows your seeing someone, and knows you are now happy, he will definitely try to use this process to hurt you. As much as we like to give people the benefit of the doubt that they’d accept the consequences of THEIR actions like adults, that is not always the case. My Fiance has two children from another relationship (not marriage) and if she knows he is happy, one of her tactics is to use the custody/child support courts to make him miserable…despite the fact that the reason he left rests solely on HER. I wouldnt put it past your ex-husband to do the same.

That being said, I’ll tell you what I tell my Fiance: you can only control how YOU react to their ugly attempts to get their pound of flesh. People that use their own time and resources to make other people miserable do so because their own lives arent going how they wanted. That kind of behavior really speaks to how shitty their insides are.

Just get yourself a good attorney, and try as best as you can not to internalize anything he might do during the divorce process: that is what he wants.

Post # 127
Member
7851 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Since I have been divorced in the state you live in, I just wanted to add that if (big if) you can get him to agree to a settlement- you don’t even have to go before a judge to have your divorce finalized. I was lucky(?) enough to be able to do that with my ex and we saved $$$ on lawyer fees and days in court. Feel free to PM me if you want to.

Post # 128
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

that is so horrible that he did that to you 🙁 i dont know you but i can guarantee that you deserve better! i hope you surround yourself with friends and family while you heal.

Post # 129
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Pomapoo:  He can’t get your money, fight for your dog, and fight for your retirement!

He’s just being a bitter asshat and you will prevail!

Print EVERYTHING she does and send it in to court.

 

That’s how I won custody of my niece: facebook posts from her egg-donar

Post # 132
Member
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Pomapoo:  I don’t think I could ever be friends with someone who had so little regard for me…. 

 

I am glad to hear you are doing better! Hopefully this all gets resolved legally for you! 

 

Keep your distance from him, IMO he is going to try to reel you back in! 

 

Post # 133
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Pomapoo:  He has tried to feed me BS about how he was just trying to “be honest” with me by telling me about the affair and that it’s my fault I didn’t love him enough to accept his honesty and take him back,

LOL “I told you that I was fucking someone behind your back! Why are you mad at me?!”

Really?!

You’re so much better off.

Post # 134
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Pomapoo:  Glad to hear you are doing better! Looks like you have a good road paved out in front of you.  Stay strong. And please don’t buy that manipulative b.s. about him saying it’s your fault you didn’t love him enough to try and take him back.  That has to be one of the LAMEST attempts at manipulation I’ve ever heard.  lol  

I’m sorry… I must have dust in my contacts or something…. did you just say he wants to be friends and “hang out”? He could hang out…. I’d be inviting him to hang out at the corner of Get Bent and Shove It. Oh, and my Dads (biological and step), 5 male cousins and a few women in my family that are scarier than the men will be there with open arms. 😉

In all seriousness, I am sorry you’re going through this. But at least it looks like you’re using this experience to make yourself stronger and wiser!  Grow from this! Don’t let this experience keep you from growing! =)   

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