(Closed) It’s Over, No more wedding, No FI, Just Sadness =(

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

You’ve been so strong through this. I think that making a clean break from him (filtering his emails, not communicating to him etc.) is exactly what you should do.  He seems like he was trying to break you down.  Now that it didn’t work, he’s changing tactics and “allowing you the privlidge” of speaking with him.  You deserve so much better; he knows it and now you are beginning to know it also.

Best of luck, I hope you find a true prince who will treat and respect you in the way you deserve.

Post # 33
33 posts
  • Wedding: October 2010

Sending good vibes your way… I’m sorry for all this mess!

Post # 34
266 posts
Helper bee

You are a very special person.  He could never deserve someone as wonderful as you. 

Grieve and then go live the life you deserve.  Yes, I will pray for you. One of my prayers will be that you see yourself as we see you.  You are a special woman. 

Post # 35
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010


I am sure that you will work your way through this. My thoughts are with you!

Post # 36
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through but I promise you that with time…your pain will be less and less every day.  Stay strong! 

I too was in a crappy one sided relationship for 11 long years.  (I too met him in my early 20’s)….and yes, although it was hard for me to leave because I felt that I had already invested so much time in the realationship, I finally came to the realaztion that things were never going to get better and I was only going to get unhappier than I already was.  I finally built up the courage and walked away.   That was the best thing I could have ever done….and although I still sometimes think…wow, I wasted 11 years of my life with that man…..I just tell myself, “yes, it was 11 years…..BUT NOT 11 years and ONE DAY!”

Forward to today and I am so incredibly happy now.  I have met and am set to marry the “true” love of my life.  I finally know what it is to be in a happy, healthy, and loving relationship with someone who truly loves and adores me.  It is like night & day and everyday only gets better & better.  It is an amazing thing really and if it happened to me….it will happen for you too =) 

Post # 37
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh Val, my heart is broken for you right now.  What horrible things for someone to say to another!  I’m glad you are getting some counseling.  I hope it helps you sort through things and really gives you some support to sift through the mess he left in his wake.  I hope your friends and family are also there for you during this time!  Please don’t feel embarrassed about the direction things have taken, you made the right decision for you and your sanity!  His little idea to keep you as a friend and “can’t bare to be without you” I believe you said he told you is just ridiculous 🙁  It’s like he thinks it’s okay to end a long relationship such that you had and then hope you can still be around as a friend?!  WHY?!  Sorry, I’m ranting here.  But know that you are a strong woman, you deserve far more than what this guy and his family could have ever given you.  During this time do a little soul searching, take time for yourself, start a new hobby(?) and wipe the rugged slate clean because you can and will make it through and your life on the other side of this will be far better than you probably ever thought it could!! 🙂  ::hugs::

Post # 38
20 posts
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am so, so sorry you have to go through all of this.  Just wanted to add my support to everyone else’s.  Breakups are never easy, and I can’t begin to imagine how you must be feeling.  Hang in there.  It sounds like you are taking good steps toward moving on.  Keep it up and try to stay as positive as you can…maybe treat yourself to something nice if possible. 

p.s.  My dogs have been in my life longer than any relationship I’ve had, including my current one.  I know just how you feel about them.  If any man ever told me to get rid of them I’d boot his dumb*ss out on the street, not my little fur babies!

Post # 39
1837 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010


I’m so sorry for all the pain you’re going thru. Just from what you said his reaction was, he definatly does not deserve you. I pray each day you feel better & that your friends/family & your doggies (totally glad you didn’t listen to him & you kept them!) will give you lots of support & comfort too.

Post # 40
415 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and yet so proud of you for sticking up for yourself. Please don’t fall off your pedestal! He sounds like he has many issues and puts you down to make himself feel better. (Alcoholics abuse their loved ones like this, if it helps your perspective.)

Please stay strong and try not to contact him. You need your time to heal and grow. *Hugs* We’re here to support you.

PS. Everytime that little voice in your head trys to defend yourself…stop. You don’t need to defend getting out of an unhealthy relationship.

Post # 41
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010


Your original post was so heart wrenching to me, that i actually went home and talked to my FH about it b/c I felt so sad for what you were going thru.

Now that i read this, I am angry at him and tearing up for you. He is taking the easy way out skirting blame … but no worries. When the next woman comes along that isn’t good enough for his creepy, too-attached mother (I mean, she wanted a diamond…EW!), maybe he’ll realize that his relationship with her is inappropriate, and he is going to die a lonely, self-absorbed man if he doesn’t change his ways.

In the meantime, you will have moved on and found a new, wonderful man who treats you as an equal and with respect — whether you are a janitor, Doctor or accountant. Who knows, he may even have a mother that’s not a complete psycho!

As you can tell, we are all so very proud of your strength. No matter how sad you are, rest assured that, from what you’ve told us, his mother would have guaranteed you a long life of misery and never being good enough.

You are the big winner here. Remember that.

Post # 42
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery


After reading your second post I don’t have a doubt in my mind that you made the right decision!! You should not be pining for his love while he does nothing but expect you to follow his every need….you have needs too!!  I fear that if you had stayed in this relationship you could have subjected yourself to years of misery because he would always remind you of what you are not.  In reality he needs to learn what he isn’t!  It sounds like he is emotinally numb and devoid of understanding what it means to love someone.  When you love someone you don’t set up conditions for them to be with you!  You love them unconditionally and do your best to accept them as perfect for you even when they have minor flaws.

My  heart goes out to you in this time of great change…I hope you stay strong and know that you have a whole lot of girls behind you here supporting you 🙂

Post # 43
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009


It’s such a horrible feeling when the person you have loved and invested years of your life in turns on you like that … for what? For finally standing up for yourself. It sounds like he has learned manipulation from his lunatic mother, anyway. My dear, I know you love him, but he has proven that he is not worthy of your love. You sound like an awesome person and you deserve so much better.

I really loved a guy that was making me miserable, and I finally had to break up with him although I felt guilty as hell. He turned on me like a rabid dog. You should have seen the paranoid ravings in the last letter he sent me. Of course every single problem we had was all my fault, I was selfish, cold, mean, had “led him on” for years, never tried to make it work, etc. In retrospect, it was laughable, but it sure hurt at the time.

Praying for you.

Post # 44
19 posts
  • Wedding: July 2009

I broke off an engagement when I was 27 and even though it was painful and awful at the time, now I see how much better I am for it. I am sure my ex went around telling people it was my fault that I was too close to my family (I come from a stable, supportive family network, he was a child of divorce and alcoholism and didn’t understand that family can be supportive — he only saw it as suffocating). When we ended it we severed all communication — it was hard at the time, but it helped me move on so much quicker.

Three years later I met an amazing man who treats me better than my ex ever did. He loves me completely and makes me feel so valued and appreciated and understood — and that is the best feeling in the world. We are about to celebrate our first anniversary in a few weeks, and I am so happy and proud of myself that I listened to my gut and got out of a bad relationship when I did. As it turns out, my husband had broken off an engagement too. I think it says so much about a person’s character to get out before the wedding, and not go through with something just because the hall is rented and the invitations sent. In a strange way, I always considered my broken engagement sort of a badge of honor that I was a strong woman who wasn’t going to go through with something that was wrong.

Good luck as you move through these hard days and weeks and have confidence that you will find true happiness down the road — I have, as have other women here who have been in your shoes, and you will too!

Post # 45
37 posts
  • Wedding: March 2011

Hey There,

I am sorry about your situation.  But I must agree with everyone else that you made THE RIGHT decision. 

My first husband wanted me to get rid of the dogs I’d had for 7 years.  I couldn’t believe that he wanted me to get rid of something that he knew meant so much to me.  He actually told me that my love for my dogs was taking away from my love for him and he made me choose.  We divorced (for other reasons including the dogs) and I have never had such a weight taken off my shoulders before.

I’m saying this to say that any man that doesn’t respect what you love, what you do and who you are does not love you.  He may love what you do for him but not the person inside.  I am engaged now and getting married next year.  I never realized the difference between someone who loves you for you vs. someone who loves what you do for them…until now.  There is a huge difference!

Somewhere the right man is out there who will love you for who you are and put you before his Mother and his family.  You’ll find him and it will be worth the weight.

Many Blessings to You!

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