(Closed) “It’s rude to give a gift at a wedding”

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Never ever heard of this. I’ve always herd that it is rude to NOT bring a gift to a wedding. I will be curious to see other responses to this thread.

Post # 4
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ve never, ever, ever heard this before, and consider it rude not to bring a gift.  (Grew up in New England, now living in Mid-Atlantic)

Post # 5
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Maybe she was joking? Gosh, I’ve NEVER heard that. I’m from St. Louis but am currently living down South, and gifts seem to be a very important element to every function, especially weddings!

Post # 6
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

She is bat shit crazy. You give at both if you’re envited to both. And you give what your plate would cost. 

 

Bat. Shit. Crazy.

Post # 7
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I know a lot of people will opt to have giftts sent to your home before the wedding so you’re not stuck lugging home 100 gifts, but in the context your Mother-In-Law is saying it… I don’t think shower gifts are the same thing as wedding gifts.

I live in Texas.

Post # 8
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Did she possiby mean a gift as in something off of a registry and not an envelope?

 

Post # 10
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Technically, the best etiquitte is to send the gift to their home (so they don’t have to lug it home that night) or give a check with your card, but I live in the midwest and many people bring gifts to the wedding, in fact we even have a “gift table.”

Post # 11
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

What I’ve “heard” is a gift at the shower & money for the wedding. Some people think its rude if you bring an actual present to the wedding because the couple/ family has to load all the gifts up after the wedding vs. a stack of cards w/ money.

I am not of this belief, as I would be happy to get any gift at any time 🙂  

Post # 12
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@roxy821: That’s what I was thinking. I usually give a physical gift at a shower and a monetary gift at a wedding. That way, I know the bride and groom have less to carry out the door that night. The only reason I’ve given a physical gift at a wedding was because I was super poor back then and could only afford to get several small items off the registry.

Post # 13
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think giving at either the shower or the wedding is a southern thing. I have heard that you are supposed to either send a gift to the couples home prior to the wedding or give a card + cash so the couple doesn’t have to drag a ton of things home that evening. My family is from the Northeast and I almost never see gifts at weddings (I got a whopping two). Its always money.

Post # 13
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

Its a regional thing, and yes, many Southern women only give at the shower and not wedding.

Seems like she may also be saying its offensive to bring it TO the wedding itself,rather than send it to the bride’s home beforehand. That’s also an older tradition that many people don’t know about or even follow anymore.

Post # 14
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I think it refers to creating additional work for the bridal couple.  She probably means that gifts should be sent to the bride’s home (or other designated place) prior to the wedding.  It may also acceptable to bring presents to the reception, but bringing presents to the ceremony, especially in a church, is what she’s frowning upon.

Traditionally, gifts were displayed in the bride’s home prior to the wedding.

I was surprised that half the people who gave me shower gifts did not give me wedding gifts.  I’ve always given a “showy” bigger gift at showers and a smaller gift at the wedding.  We actually didn’t get that many gifts at the reception (and I’m not sure that very many even showed up at the ceremony).  Almost everything was sent to my parents’ home (the address on the registries).

Post # 15
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Lifelong New Yorker here and I’ve never heard of that. I’ve always given a gift at the shower and a monetary gift at the wedding.

The topic ‘“It’s rude to give a gift at a wedding”’ is closed to new replies.

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