Post # 1
Anyone heard this? I was talking to my Mother-In-Law regarding a wedding Darling Husband and I attended. I think I said something to the effect of, “There were a lot of people there but not many presents”. My Mother-In-Law then told me that most people (that she knew-herself included) considered it rude to bring/give a gift at a wedding. I’ve NEVER heard of that but it would make sense considering at our wedding we really didn’t get a lot from there side. She explained that if you have a shower people gave at that but wouldn’t give for the wedding…again I’ve always given a gift for both. I’m just curious what has been other bee’s experiences.
*As a note she is from the South, I’m from the midwest. Wasn’t sure if maybe that made a difference.
Post # 3
Never ever heard of this. I’ve always herd that it is rude to NOT bring a gift to a wedding. I will be curious to see other responses to this thread.
Post # 4
I’ve never, ever, ever heard this before, and consider it rude not to bring a gift. (Grew up in New England, now living in Mid-Atlantic)
Post # 5
Maybe she was joking? Gosh, I’ve NEVER heard that. I’m from St. Louis but am currently living down South, and gifts seem to be a very important element to every function, especially weddings!
Post # 6
She is bat shit crazy. You give at both if you’re envited to both. And you give what your plate would cost.
Bat. Shit. Crazy.
Post # 7
I know a lot of people will opt to have giftts sent to your home before the wedding so you’re not stuck lugging home 100 gifts, but in the context your Mother-In-Law is saying it… I don’t think shower gifts are the same thing as wedding gifts.
I live in Texas.
Post # 8
Did she possiby mean a gift as in something off of a registry and not an envelope?
Post # 9
@alittlerusty: She was certainly NOT joking and seemed to be a tad snarky with me about it.
Post # 10
Technically, the best etiquitte is to send the gift to their home (so they don’t have to lug it home that night) or give a check with your card, but I live in the midwest and many people bring gifts to the wedding, in fact we even have a “gift table.”
Post # 11
What I’ve “heard” is a gift at the shower & money for the wedding. Some people think its rude if you bring an actual present to the wedding because the couple/ family has to load all the gifts up after the wedding vs. a stack of cards w/ money.
I am not of this belief, as I would be happy to get any gift at any time 🙂
Post # 12
@roxy821: That’s what I was thinking. I usually give a physical gift at a shower and a monetary gift at a wedding. That way, I know the bride and groom have less to carry out the door that night. The only reason I’ve given a physical gift at a wedding was because I was super poor back then and could only afford to get several small items off the registry.
Post # 13
I think giving at either the shower or the wedding is a southern thing. I have heard that you are supposed to either send a gift to the couples home prior to the wedding or give a card + cash so the couple doesn’t have to drag a ton of things home that evening. My family is from the Northeast and I almost never see gifts at weddings (I got a whopping two). Its always money.
Post # 13
Its a regional thing, and yes, many Southern women only give at the shower and not wedding.
Seems like she may also be saying its offensive to bring it TO the wedding itself,rather than send it to the bride’s home beforehand. That’s also an older tradition that many people don’t know about or even follow anymore.
Post # 14
I think it refers to creating additional work for the bridal couple. She probably means that gifts should be sent to the bride’s home (or other designated place) prior to the wedding. It may also acceptable to bring presents to the reception, but bringing presents to the ceremony, especially in a church, is what she’s frowning upon.
Traditionally, gifts were displayed in the bride’s home prior to the wedding.
I was surprised that half the people who gave me shower gifts did not give me wedding gifts. I’ve always given a “showy” bigger gift at showers and a smaller gift at the wedding. We actually didn’t get that many gifts at the reception (and I’m not sure that very many even showed up at the ceremony). Almost everything was sent to my parents’ home (the address on the registries).
Post # 15
Lifelong New Yorker here and I’ve never heard of that. I’ve always given a gift at the shower and a monetary gift at the wedding.