- 6 years ago
HOLY CRAP JEGGINGS BEES IMPATIENCE!
Bees, I’m doing everything in my power to contain my overwhelming excitement, confusion, and insanity.
Basically, we decided at the beginning of this year that we’d be getting engaged “soon” (ahem, clearly he & I have very different definitions of soon since it’s been nearly 12 months). In the Spring we went and looked at rings.
What I’ve Been Doing Since We Looked at Rings:
:Sheepishly: I may or may not have been exploding with my impatience at SO repeatedly over this past year (each time it’s happened, it started out as me pestering him for hints/details, and then accidentally led to me getting emotional and him getting angry, and it turning into a fight that made me feel AWFUL for being unable to keep my mouth shut!!!).
I’ve been bad.
How his Cousin’s Recent Engagement Changes Everything:
On Halloween, his cousin got engaged — exciting right?
Except we hear about said engagement, and my SO pretends (!?) to be happy (and it’s obvious he’s pretending!) and later seems to be almost bitter or even OFFENDED by it…
So naturally, I ask like a million questions trying to make sense of it.
His response? “O I’m not upset, it’s just this is simply not what he said he was going to do… I’m not mad or anything… I’m just saying… I mean, this is certainly not what he said he was going to do…” (and he continues being a weirdo).
(and I’m thinking… “uhh… dear SO, why you lying?/WHY U MAD THO?/are you Jessica Wakefield or something?/when did you get so dramatic?/who CARES?/why aren’t you just happy for him?”).
Dissatisfied with his sort-of-explanation (and weirdness), I pry and harrass like crazy until he reveals why:
Cousin & SO had a “PLAN.”
My SO would be proposing to me first, and then his cousin would be proposing to his gf/now-fiance after we got engaged first (they’ve been together under a year, so maybe that factored into why).
Then, my SO’s cousin randomly proposed to his gf (without even giving SO a heads up that their ‘plan’ had changed), hence my SO is pissed.
(I still didn’t really get it, but then I thought about how SO’s grandparents — and the rest of his huge family — are all up on him, and are repeatedly reminding him that the “pressure” is on him now… and he’s naturally offended, because dude, he was SUPPOSED to go first, this isn’t fair!). Anyway, once I figured this conundrum out, I was like O OK, he isn’t crazy, this makes sense.
However, It took me until YESTERDAY to put this together with a very key piece of information that I was forgetting.
A Very Key Piece of Information I Had Forgotten:
SO had earlier revealed at a different point in time, that his cousin was probably going to propose to his then-GF/now-fiance on Valentine’s Day.
(I’ll let that sink in for a minute, since it took me a month to make sense of that.)
So if my SO was supposed to propose before his cousin…
And his cousin was supposed to propose on Valentines day…
DUN DUN DUUUUUN!!!
THE POINT IS, the engagement may be right around the corner!!!
BUT, I have to face the reality that the Cousin may have forced my SO to postpone his own plan. And to be realistic, I don’t really KNOW anything for sure. So, basically, I am going out of my mind trying to contain my increasing excitement/anxiety/sense of impending insanity.
I’m trying to take this as a kind of blessing (like cool, I could be engaged in the next 1-3 months) and get my ‘ducks in a row’ so to speak (run an extra 2 miles each day, go out with all my gal pals and old college girls a lot more) that kinda thing… but I’m seriously GOING CRAZY OVER HERE! The excitement and impatience (and the terror of the idea that it might not be as soon as I think) is making me a nut.
Plus, I don’t think I’m getting a Christmas proposal (maaaybe a New Year one?) and I don’t want to get my hopes too high up and be disappointed — especially when I know it’s coming soon enough… I’ll be hoping everything is “THE” day and I might set myself up for disappointment and madness.
I don’t want to get too excited and get my hopes super high — especially if he’s thinking of doing it after the holidays or not as soon as I’m thinking.
ANY ADVICE FOR ME TO KEEP ME FROM LOSING MY COOKIES?