(Closed) It’s the little digs…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My advice…nip it in the bud right now. You guys need to sit down and have a talk. My Fiance and I both have lived together on our own for years. He had just moved into his new home less than a year after we started dating. I made it a point to ask him to leave a room or two unfurnished so that I could put my mark on the place and not feel like A)a guest b)like I was in a hotel c)like I couldn’t make any changes. It is going to take the two of you some time to figure out how to move around in each other’s space…but passive-aggressive “joking” comments aren’t going to make it any easier.

Post # 4
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee

Im sorry, that can be hard going from “his” place to “your” place.  Can you sit down and talk to him about it?  Let him know how you are feeling and note that there are things you did “wrong” but try to find out what his habits are as well so you can do things together?

Post # 5
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee

Your first two comments made me laugh bc I got in trouble for exactly the same things when I first moved in with FH!!! It’s not easy moving into “his” place and to be honest it wasn’t until we moved into “our” place a few years later that I truly felt at home and like an equal partner. I hope you get to experience this sometime! Keeping the communication lines open is key and if you can ask him to lay off the “jokes”, keeping in mind how tough this is going to be for both of you, hopefully  you’ll be feeling better soon 🙂

Post # 6
Member
2561 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think he is being a little rude In My Humble Opinion … you guys need to sit down and have a little chat, because it seems a bit like he is treating you like a child rather than an equal.

You have made a sacrifice to leave your home state to be with him and he has to cut you some slack. 

I would first, make it clear whenever he makes a dig that is is inappropriate (literally tell him, excuse me, but what you just said was rude/inappropriate and I do not appreciate it). Never let it slide, because then it becomes habit. 

Make it known that now because it is “your” place, you will be developing new routines that you are also comfortable with.

And go buy yourself some new cooking utensils :0)

Post # 7
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

🙁 that’s tough!

Maybe you could work on ways to make the home feel more like yours (redecorate? buy some decent kitchen supplies? reorganize stuff?).

I also think it’s important to let him know that his teasing is becoming hurtful. If you don’t tell him, he can’t know.

Post # 8
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee

Uhhh there is no reason you should have to turn the toast dial back down to low… It may be a joke now, but it might escalate if you don’t talk about it. I would be really hurt too! I moved from Indiana to NYC to live with hubs and moved into his place, except his mom lives there too. So it totally doesn’t feel like “our” place either and I know how it sucks. We had only a metal spatula too until we get a free one from Macy’s for registering lol He hates when I buy that stuff, but he’s just kind of gotten used to it now.

Post # 9
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with everyone else, you definitely need to chat.

When I first moved in with my fiance (we were both renting, so we moved into a new rental house together) we definitely had similar issues. The biggest one for me was that all his kitchen stuff was nicer than mine. So we had the same issue as you did: I made a scratch in one of his nice pans. A few other times I accidentally broke stuff too, and it usually ended with him mad at me, and me sulking. Finally, I told him that I don’t break his things on purpose and it really upsets me when he gets that mad about an accident, to the point where I dreaded telling him. That really helped, and we haven’t had the issue again.

Post # 10
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

He moved into my place but all rooms pretty much changed because his stuff was nicer.  The process of making it feel like ours slowly happened after a few months.  Every time something was referred to as “his” or “mine”, I would correct and say “ours” so that we got in the habit of talking and thinking that way.  And the other day I said something to him about his Christmas stuff and he said no, “our” christmas stuff. 

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