(Closed) its the little things that count…..

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: do the little things like my story below really matter?
    Yes, very much! : (86 votes)
    96 %
    No, not really. : (2 votes)
    2 %
    um, not sure. : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    11356 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @bestbuddies:  I am so sorry. You’re right. Your husband was extremely selfish and inconsiderate.  There was nothing loving or caring in his actions.

    I cannot imagine that this is an isolated incident either.  He sounds as if he’s arrogant, insensitive, self-absorbed, self-righteous, and, in this case, even punitive — “You weren’t ready when I came to get  you, so, fine, walk home in the rain.”

    This is not acceptable behavior for a man who has promised to love and cherish his wife.

    Post # 4
    Member
    790 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I don’t blame you for feeling hurt. What he did was not only inconsiderate but potentially dangerous. Women should not walk alone at night. Period. The driving rain only adds insult to injury.

    There are plenty of times when loving someone and taking care of them is totally inconvenient. Would he have done this to his mother or best buddy?  

    Now why would you go out of your way to do something nice for him after he treated you so poorly? I’d suggest sitting him down and telling him that being a husband is not always going to be comfortable or convenient and it will mean waiting for you many times. He put you in danger and made your life seriously unpleasant. He vowed to honor and cherish you and what he did IN NO WAY involved honor or cherish. If you tolerate this you’re in for many more diappointments.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1938 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    That TOTALLY sucks! I think you need to tell your husband how badly that hurt you. To me that would be a pretty big deal because not only is it rude but it seems very dissrespectul. 5 blocks is still a fairly long ways, and in the rain in the dark is UNACCEPTABLE!

    Feeling angry for you! HUGS! 

    Post # 6
    Member
    556 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    That’s horrible! He should be your protector. I’m so sorry. Have you spoken with him? What does he say? Is he like this a lot? Perhaps you can have a respected friend or family member or rabbi speak with him. He needs a reminder about what it means to be a husband.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1659 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    His time is more valuable than that? more valuable than:

    1. Holding a commitment he made to you

    2. Making sure you get home safe

    3. Providing you comfort in weather you were not dressed for 

    that’s not little…I would feel very disrespected by that comment in particular. What does he have to do at that time that’s so important? His new video game?

    Post # 9
    Member
    11356 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @bestbuddies:  I almost apologized for saying that, because I knew it would sound harsh, and even hurtful, for you to hear it.  I am sorry if it did, but I agree that the situation at least sounds that way from what you’ve written.

    Just so you know, I am not in any way suggesting that you shouldn’t stay in your marriage; I’m just validating the fact that I agree with you that your husband’s behavior was not OK.

    Marriage is really, really hard, but there is nothing that you “did” to make him change in this manner.  What you’re seeing is something that was and is within him being revealed through circumstances.  As much as couples can and often do bring out the best in each other when they first fall in love — and even after they are married, they also often bring out the worst in each other as well.

    It sounds to me as if you and your husband would benefit from some counseling.  Perhaps your Rabbi can meet with you or recommend someone else who can.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1966 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Ellegee:  +1 

     

    @bestbuddies:  So sorry you are going through this. His behavior is unacceptable as far as I’m concerned.  I definitely would look into marriage counseling. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    7691 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @bestbuddies:  I don’t think this is a little thing at all. How very sad and confusing. I’m sorry you had to walk in the rain, and that someone you love and trust turned their back on you.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4313 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Okay he was obviously being impatient, but his reasoning doesn’t sound too horrible now that I hear it out loud.  He probably would have come back to get you… if it’s only five blocks ya know.  I don’t know what else he has done recently, but people do change, get more comfortable, etc. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    3770 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    I think you should take him up on his offer to speak to your Rabbi or a counselor, insincere or not.  It does sound like he needs to realize he is putting your needs after his own and others’, maybe it will take a third party to wake him up.

    The topic ‘its the little things that count…..’ is closed to new replies.

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