Post # 1
you know how they say its the little things that matter? If thats the case them I am very conerned. Once again my husband broke my heart over another little thing. I was at our Rabbi’s house for the Monday night womens Torah portion study. It is from 8-9pm. I usually just walk cause its only about 5 blocks. It is raining like crazy here tonight so Darling Husband said he would pick me up. He drove me there which I appreciated. But I walk out of the study session and he isnt there. I look at my phone and see a text from him saying that he wasnt going to wait any longer and went home. looked at my phone and it was 9:15. I told him to be there around 9:05. so it was only 10 minutes after the time I said to be there. I dont have my phone out during the session because it is very serious and would be very disrecpecful to text my husband. also, there wasnt a clock in the room. So, as soon as it was over i darted out because someone said “oh, its late”. So, I walk home in the rain (no rain boots cause i didnt think I was walking). by the time I get home I am soaked wet. I ask him why he left. he said he was sick of waiting..he said he waited 5 minutes and his time is too valuable. he didnt know how long I would be so he just left. he did try to text me first but he knows I would never be looking at my phone during my study sessions. I am seriously extremely hurt that he would rather let his wife walk homein the pouring rain (very hard rain….not light at all) so he doesnt have to wait in a warm/dry car. that is so selfish and inconsiderate. I am so sick of him not caring or wantting to take care of me. what man would leave his wife to walk home in the rain? AND, just tonight I went out of my way on the way home ot buy him a surprise gift (a new game he has been wanting that just came out)! The man I feel in love with would have never left me to walk in the rain and dark by myself cause he didnt want to wait. i feel like that shows that he doesnt love me or atleast not care about me like he used to. my heart is broken….
Post # 3
@bestbuddies: I am so sorry. You’re right. Your husband was extremely selfish and inconsiderate. There was nothing loving or caring in his actions.
I cannot imagine that this is an isolated incident either. He sounds as if he’s arrogant, insensitive, self-absorbed, self-righteous, and, in this case, even punitive — “You weren’t ready when I came to get you, so, fine, walk home in the rain.”
This is not acceptable behavior for a man who has promised to love and cherish his wife.
Post # 4
I don’t blame you for feeling hurt. What he did was not only inconsiderate but potentially dangerous. Women should not walk alone at night. Period. The driving rain only adds insult to injury.
There are plenty of times when loving someone and taking care of them is totally inconvenient. Would he have done this to his mother or best buddy?
Now why would you go out of your way to do something nice for him after he treated you so poorly? I’d suggest sitting him down and telling him that being a husband is not always going to be comfortable or convenient and it will mean waiting for you many times. He put you in danger and made your life seriously unpleasant. He vowed to honor and cherish you and what he did IN NO WAY involved honor or cherish. If you tolerate this you’re in for many more diappointments.
Post # 5
That TOTALLY sucks! I think you need to tell your husband how badly that hurt you. To me that would be a pretty big deal because not only is it rude but it seems very dissrespectul. 5 blocks is still a fairly long ways, and in the rain in the dark is UNACCEPTABLE!
Feeling angry for you! HUGS!
Post # 6
That’s horrible! He should be your protector. I’m so sorry. Have you spoken with him? What does he say? Is he like this a lot? Perhaps you can have a respected friend or family member or rabbi speak with him. He needs a reminder about what it means to be a husband.
Post # 7
@Brielle: ugh, although your comment was true it was like a punch in the gut 🙁 It is so unreal to hear people discribe Darling Husband this way. I feel in love iwth him because he was so patient and caring and loving. maybe he isnt that man anymore? he keeps doing things like leaving me to walk in the rain. I dont know why, i dont know what happened. Did I turn him into this different man? I cannot stop crying…
@lorie: i bought him that gift 5 hours ago on my way home from work and gave it to him before I went to the study session. I do that for him just hours ago and he cannot wait for me for 10minutes so i dont have to walk in the ran. i feel so under appreciated. I dont tolerate these actions. I tried to talk to him as soon as I got him. he seriously thinks that he did nothing wrong and that I am overreacting. I got so mad I walked away. I cannot talk to him when he is like that. i cant even understand why he doesnt see that what he did was wrong.
@MrsWishyWashy: I tried to speak with him. see my comment above to lorie. good idea about having someone speak to him. right now, i am in the other room trying to calm myself down and figure out a way i can get him to understand where i am coming from.
Post # 8
His time is more valuable than that? more valuable than:
1. Holding a commitment he made to you
2. Making sure you get home safe
3. Providing you comfort in weather you were not dressed for
that’s not little…I would feel very disrespected by that comment in particular. What does he have to do at that time that’s so important? His new video game?
Post # 9
@bestbuddies: I almost apologized for saying that, because I knew it would sound harsh, and even hurtful, for you to hear it. I am sorry if it did, but I agree that the situation at least sounds that way from what you’ve written.
Just so you know, I am not in any way suggesting that you shouldn’t stay in your marriage; I’m just validating the fact that I agree with you that your husband’s behavior was not OK.
Marriage is really, really hard, but there is nothing that you “did” to make him change in this manner. What you’re seeing is something that was and is within him being revealed through circumstances. As much as couples can and often do bring out the best in each other when they first fall in love — and even after they are married, they also often bring out the worst in each other as well.
It sounds to me as if you and your husband would benefit from some counseling. Perhaps your Rabbi can meet with you or recommend someone else who can.
Post # 10
@Brielle: oh, no need to apologize at all. i didnt mean to make you feel bad. It was honest and truthful but hard to hear. I will never give up on my marriage, I believe Darling Husband is the love of my life and the most wonderful man in the world. I just feel that slowly, over time, he appreciates me less and less and is beginning to act so differently. btw, you have a great way with words. you explained marriage so true. And yes, I have brought up couseling many times. he says that we are not at the point that we need it. I disagree. honestly, nights like tonight dont happen very often. but mostly because I dont set myself up for failure (dont ask for much)
Post # 11
@Ellegee: completely agreed. when he said that is when I stormed out of the room. I couldnt believe what he just said…so hurtful. and, yes, he was playing his game when I got home….. 🙁
Post # 12
@bestbuddies: So sorry you are going through this. His behavior is unacceptable as far as I’m concerned. I definitely would look into marriage counseling.
Post # 13
@bestbuddies: I don’t think this is a little thing at all. How very sad and confusing. I’m sorry you had to walk in the rain, and that someone you love and trust turned their back on you.
Post # 14
Darling Husband and I talked last night. I explained to him how much it hurt me etc. He thinks I am being silly and then turned it back on me saying I was the one in the wrong because I didnt let him know Iwas running late. I just cannot believe it. I am so seriously so angry and frustrated with him. I read him this thread and he took it with a grain of salt. he agreed we should talk to our rabbi or a counselor but it felt insincere cause he said it like he was trying to prove his point. I told him this incident reminds me just like the time that he left me at work until 11pm waiting on him to pick me up because he was waiting on a friend before picking me up. so once his friend (he had just met) was ready (they were at a conference that was over at like 8-9) then they headed home and he picked me up and then gave his friend a ride home. once again, I am put on the backburner. i am unimportant, my needs and comfort doesnt matter, etc.
Oh, and last night Darling Husband said that he left because he didnt know how long it would take and figured I was chatting with the girls having a good time and I would call him when I was done and he would come pick me back up. But his texts said “going home. I guess, Call me” and his VM said “its 9:10, you told me to be here at 9:05, whats going on? I guess i am going home”. So NOTHING he said indicated that he was going to come back and pick me up. plus I ran outside so fast I didnt even check my phone yet. so i was already outside when i called him and when i called he never offered to come get me. and his VM and texts he seemed frustrated. i am seriously so angry with him. i told him that he wouldnt have done that to me 2 years ago. he said he waits on me all the time. what? i am the fast go go person. he is the person i wait on all the time. always. i wish i could get him to appreciate me and show he really cares. and i dont mean by sending me flowers, etc. in daily life, by doing considerate things..
Post # 15
Okay he was obviously being impatient, but his reasoning doesn’t sound too horrible now that I hear it out loud. He probably would have come back to get you… if it’s only five blocks ya know. I don’t know what else he has done recently, but people do change, get more comfortable, etc.
Post # 16
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
I think you should take him up on his offer to speak to your Rabbi or a counselor, insincere or not. It does sound like he needs to realize he is putting your needs after his own and others’, maybe it will take a third party to wake him up.