- 7 years ago
Makes sense then for why she broke up with me…..
Makes sense then for why she broke up with me…..
@Packers12: I mean, I wouldn’t leave a man over a single incident like that, but yea, if it was consistent pattern that may have indicated an unhappiness she was unable to get through because you had different expectations of each others’ responsibilities. I’m sorry it turned out that way, though.
@MrsWrangler: Ah okay I asked and she didn’t respond to that. That is tough. Because now it’s like can you even trust the guy. I wouldn’t rely on him next Monday to come get me for crap. Computer guys seem to live in their own world sometimes. And I really don’t know how to figure them out! Is it possible for you to carpool with someone next time or drive yourself? That sucks it has come down to that, but looks like you can’t trust him to be there for you.
@MrsWrangler: I did a lot of the “little things” for her and never got a thank you from her but the one time I can’t help her I get made out to look like the bad guy. One time we both got done with work at 9 p.m and she wanted to go get something to eat and I told her I didn’t think it was a good idea because she had an hour ride back to where she goes to school and she had a test to study for that she had the next day. I was just looking out for her but no she got mad at me. So a couple days later we both got done again at the same time and I agreed to go get food with her and then she got mad that we didn’t spend enough time together. Again she had an hour drive back to school and we both had to be up early for work and school. It’s not that I didnt want to see her it’s just I was looking out for her. Unless I am that selfish and don’t see it.
@Packers12: Whoa, I don’t know your history and I’m not making judgments on your relationship. I’m sorry if it came off that way – I was just positing a possibility. All I know is from this thread and how you presented that situation, and I stand by what I said about that. I also kind of agree with her in the second situation, but this is taking away from the OP now. If you’d like to continue on a spinoff or PM, I am happy to, but I’m gonna stop derailing this thread, ok?
@deetroitwhat: yeah i have several threads about things he has done similar to this. Another example is that i had to take public transportation which required me to be on transit for 3-4 hours a day while he took the one car we have to work (he could take public transportation but it would take him another 30 minutes more than it did for me). I never had a car when I was home and had to take public transit everywhere. to get groceries, to go to work,e tc (this went on for 2 years befor I finaly had it and bought a car). while he drove around in a warm car.
another example is him choosing a guy he JUST met one night at a conference and waited around for him to be ready to leave even though he already said he would pick me up from class/work that night. I stayed at work until 11pm waiting on him (went into work at 730am that day and had to work the next day).
another one is that he purposely works a late shift at work which leaves me home alone at night. I have to eat dinner alone, spend my nights alone, etc. he is a programmer and could work 7-3 or 10-6, 11-7, etc. he chooses to work like noon to 8. his drive is an hour so he gets home around 9. he says traffic is bad so he doesnt want to go in or leave during rush hour (which I get) but instead of getting up early and working 7-3, (I work 730-4) he does an opposite shift as me.
to me, all of these actions to point to that he doesnt care for me like I thought he did. If he did, none of these things would have been going on for so long. And, yes, I have screamed and cried and explained how much all of these things hurt me. it is always that I am too dramatic and 0verreacting, etc, etc. I am literally worried about our relationship. If I dont feel that he truley cares and loves me and is my partner in life how in the world willl our marriage be successful?!
@bestbuddies: Yeah, wow. Sweetie I am so sorry. Maybe he’s just gotten extremely complacent in the years you’ve been married. You should not have to beg and cry like that. Why he is not listening to you is just beyond me. I can imagine how frustrated you are 🙁
@deetroitwhat: I feel like the most painful part is that it just slowly has gotten worse. He used to be the most amazing, caring, loving, respectful, appreciative, and sensitive man I have ever known. i dont understand why he doesnt appreciate or care for me as much anymore. He says he does very much but his actions dont support that. sometimes I do feel that i overreact but then when i think back on all of the “little things” he does added to it, I just get so furious and upset and sad. he sends me flowers or will bring home my favorite candy every now and again. and we go on weekend getaways (i do it all. book it, he just has to show up). I try so hard. and our relationship is GREAT most of the time. but then I think that I just make myself forget it all and just deal with it and try to make the best of it. ugh, I feel like I cannot explain myself well here. I KNOW he loves me, I just think he is taking me for granted. not sure why.
I’m not generally one to give opinions on other peoples relationship, because it’s not my place, but I can’t help but offer you some advice in this situation. First off, I’m so sorry that he didn’t pick you up, I would be heartbroken. I would be especially devastated because this isn’t an isolated incident.
I think he may be taking advantage of that which you are doing for him because he’s used to it and it seems that there are no repercussions for his actions. I would be LIVID if one of these things happened to me (let alone have it be a regular thing). It’s the small things that show your SO just how much you love and care for them. It’s not vacations, flowers, or chocolates. If he can act like this and still work whichever hours he wants, come home to a clean house and a hot meal, why should he change? Why should he go out of his way if it’s not going to affect the type of treatment he gets from you? It’s sad that he was once a different man, but he has become comfortable and is able to get away with this. It’s NOT okay and I would suggest you speak your mind more often. I’m not suggesting you be spiteful, because that is certainly not a healthy trait in a successful marriage. But make him truly understand that you do NOT appreciate that. You cannot make him care, but try to make him realize that the things you do are not to be taken advantage of.
I would have a very serious talk with him about the changes that need to be made in order for you to have a lasting marriage. If that does not lead to results, I think you may have your answer as to where your marriage is heading.
Again, I hope you don’t think I’ve spoken to harshly, I wish you and your husband the best and that you two can work through this 🙂
@bestbuddies: OK, what he did was wrong, but here is where you needed to not be a martyr and demand that he come get you. Say just the facts:
1) I’m angry (not hurt) that you didn’t wait for me.
2) It’s pouring and I’ll be waiting under the shelter of the building, come NOW
If he doesn’t come for you at that point he should be sleeping on the street. Sometimes you have to demand not to be treated a certain way. If he gets away with it he’ll think you’re the fool for not asking for what you want.
There also needs to be a conversation with a counselor. Enough people here have reassured you that you’re not blowing this out of proportion and there sems to be an underlying problem since this isn’t a first offense. Get help and if help doesn’t work re-evaluate how much you want to devote to someone who can behave this way. This isn’t love.
The topic ‘its the little things that count…..’ is closed to new replies.