(Closed) It's time to say Goodbye… We called it quits! :(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8883 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I have no advice but I am SO sorry *hugs*

Post # 4
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You did the right thing, and the best thing.

No one should ever sacrifice being a mother if they want children.

You wouldn’t be happy without kids, and he wouldn’t be happy with kids.  It stinks that he led you along, claiming he wanted to have children with you, but thankfully you are young enough to move on!

He would have been a terrible father, and you did the best thing for your future children by move on.

I’m really proud of you for making the hard decision.

Post # 5
Member
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

*hugs*

You are definitely doing the right thing, but I know that does not make it easier.  I am very proud of you for standing up for yourself though.  Drunken abuse is just as much abuse as it is sober.  Leaving is the only thing to do.  Even if he changed his mind and became gung-ho about having a kid with you, would you want your child to be subjected to his drunken abuse?  Of course not. 

Try to remind yourself that when you feel weak and consider going back to him.  And please, please feel free to PM me to chat.  *hugs*

Post # 6
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Without a doubt, you have made a very wise decision. Not an easy one, but wise. No doubt – a lot of future heartache has been avoided. Big hugs!!!

 

Post # 7
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

After reading all that, you did make the right decision.  You may have broken his heart by leaving, but it sounds like he has been breaking yours little by little throughout your relationship.  Please have a positive outlook on the future, and be strong!!

Post # 8
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I seriously feel for you and all you’ve been through.  I made this decision myself around 3 years ago, it was heart breaking.  Looking back, I am thrilled I made it.  I would have been even more miserable as time went on.  This man is emotional abusive and drinks too much to have a future with somebody.  He needs to get priorities straightened out.  I think he was also deceptive about having children.  I dated an alcoholic long term and thought he would get better, they don’t unless they want to and even then it’s rough.  I also was engaged to an emotional abusive man.  It was difficult to leave.  They are convincing.  You will be much better off even though it doesn’t feel like it right now.  I usually don’t share these things but I wanted you to know other people have been in your shoes and feel for you.

Post # 9
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m so sorry you are going through this. But, you made the best decision for yourself and your future. Keep your chin up. (hugs)

Post # 10
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you did the right thing.  Like you said, chances are that his drunken nights and the abuse that follows won’t change.  So if you DID have kids together, wouldn’t he be emotionally abusive towards them, too?  I think so and no one wants that to happen.  I know it hurts, but I do think you made the right choice.  Best wishes to you.

Post # 11
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@Miss Pez:  I am so sorry for what you are about to go through. I do believe that it will get better and hope that you will find someone who shares in your dreams. Right now, focus on you and your happiness. Feel free to be sad or angry or numb for as long as you want. I will pray so hard for you tonight!

Post # 12
Member
11351 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Miss Pez:  “I feel like no matter what decision I am to make, I will hurt no matter what.”

You definitely made the right decision, and you are very wise to understand the truth in this statement that you made.

Here is the very important difference:  If you stay, you will remain  miserable, with no end in sight.  If you leave, it will hurt badly for awhile — perhaps even a long while — but you will  begin to heal, the pain will  lessen, and you will  be able to move on with your life.

I’ve heard it said several times in several ways that we often refuse to change until we realize that the pain of staying the same is far worse than the pain of experiencing change.

You’ve absolutely made the right choice. Stay strong. Don’t look back.

HUGS!! 

 

Post # 13
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am very sorry you have to go through this. But you did the right thing.

my best friend wanted kids with her husband and he really didn’t (they didn’t have any at all)but then she got pregnant with her son. Her husband seemed interested in the boy until my friend told him she wanted another, and that she was going to have another child with or without him because she wouln’t sacrifce it for him. Well they had another and now she regretes it. Well not regrets the child just the way they handled it. Her husband is so checked out, he doesn’t spend anytime with her or the kids, he doesnt’ got to functions with them or anything. She has been so hurt by this she is slowly falling out of love with him, but says she can’t afford to be on her own so she has to stay. It is really sad to watch her go through this. She has asked him to try therapy and everything and he refused.

I know this is a bit off of what you are going thru but I just wanted to tell you a story about what can happen if you stay with him and try to either sacrifce your want for children or if he “gives in” and give you children. Unfortunilty if he doesn’t want it, you can’t change him and though it hurts you have to accept that now.

The abuse behavior is another whole differant story. You have to go with your gut and not your emotions. The only way i can see this possibly working out is if you stay apart (don’t live with him) and try to work on your issues with an outside source. But a lot of guys won’t go for that. You may find out that your not compatible at all.

Good luck and stay strong * HUGS*

Post # 14
Member
4951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If being a parent is such a strong desire for you, and a strong desire not to have one for him, then you are doing the right thing. Because one day, if you never had one, you’d probably resent him. If you did have one, he’d resent you (he’s already set himself up to be sad/unhappy about it).

Best wishes to you. I applaud you for being strong.

Post # 15
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You are a very brave and strong woman. You are doing the right thing by doing what is best for you.  The emotional and verbal abuse are NOT okay. I commented on your last post, that regardless of if he wanted a child with you or not, someone with 4 children that verbalizes he likes being a weekend dad is not the type of man you want to be with.  

You will get through this and will be stronger because of it.  I know it hurts so bad right now, but you will feel better much sooner than you think.  You will meet a wonderful man who deserves you and treats you how you deserve.  Wishing you all the best of luck and sending lots of hugs and support your way.  Stay strong, you CAN do this!

Post # 16
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You should be proud of making the best decision you could for yourself.

It will hurt and it will take time, but you can now go forward and have everything you want in your life.

Best of luck to you.

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