- 5 years ago
You’d probably all think I’m crazy. The “waiting period” probably started just couple months into dating and at times I’ve gone super crazy with it (internally, because like I said we haven’t been together long), and then reality sets in and I cool down, get crazy for a little bit and than rational again. In my defense i did think i was seeing signs at the time. Like my missing ring, his pawing at my hands and interest in my jewlery *shrug*. Anyways It will be a year for us Dec. 23rd.
So tonight I’ve been wondering why. I’m incrediably in love with him and amazed with how much I trust him and feel “right” with him. But I can’t be going crazy if those are my only reasons. it shouldn’t hurt to wait.
What I’m probably truly having issues with is that I’m ready for the next phase, but I can’t forsee any changes occuring for a long time.
I’m 25, I will be 26 soon. I’m not nearly as far along in life as I had hoped. I had an unplanned pregnacy 3 years ago. Dropped out of college, moved out of my mom’s and been living with my son. I don’t even truly know what its like to live alone or with a man. I have a ton of college debt and still need to get my career on track.
My boyfriend is 30 and moved back in with his mom, so he could pay off all his debt. He also has a son and child support is killing him. And his work life is pretty flacky as far as hours and tips.
Meanwhile my closest friends are engaged and most people my age have lived with an SO at some point, .know where their careers are headed, etc.
I jist feel stuck in general. And its pprobably wrong of me to be projecting all my anxiety on an engagement and marriage, when I should be concentrating on my next steps of finacial indepence. Honestly the fact thst I do want this with him does encourage me more make me desire it more. I’m still stuck though.
The hours I do get with him, I’m perfectly content and not resentful bits the being apart apect that I just feel anxious about being seperated forever and not moving forward.
I just had to write this out I guess. I feel like our situation is unique and I’m going through this alone. But maybe some Bee’s can relate in some way. I’m open to advice as well, things to curb the anxiety, etc.
Really I just wanted someone to listen. So if you read this, thank you!