Post # 1
Hey bees. Well I am a super planner, I plan everything down to the tinyest detail all the time, its actually a sort of relaxing activity for me. This being said I started planning my wedding long before I was engaged and it was fun and enjoyable and I couldnt wait for the real thing.
Now three weeks after my beautiful proposal I just want to call the whole thing off. Admittedly I am a superfreak and havnt not had a thought but “the wedding” since it happened but I am so afraid of the next year and a half of my life if i am so desperatly frusterated already.
My fiance is not a planner, and he wants to wait six months to start getting ideas together, I cant do that. He is so removed from the planning that I am all alone and I keep running into dead ends. We have a modest budget of about $12,000 and I could not allow myself to spend more even if we had the money. The problem is that the first place my fiance and I loved cost about $21,000 for the cite and food and the second is about $30,000 according to a friend who has already booked the venue. I
know thats only two places but I just want to cry with the burden of finding an affordable, beautiful place to get married and attending to all the other million details that need to be set in place. Wedding dress shopping has even turned into a nightmare. Ive tried on about 25 dresses already and just get more and more confused.
I recognize that my fiance should enjoy this time in our lives, and I am so sad that he and I are both hating this process. I also know that as soon as I see him at the end of the asile, no matter where that aisle is, it will be the happiest moment of my life. Still I cant seem to have any sort of fun planning this. I feel overwhelmed and it seems that all the differents ends will never meet. 🙁
Post # 3
You sound exactly like me!
In the end, (at his suggestion and my execution) to do a destination wedding at an all-inclusive resort. =) Originally fearing we’d be payingup to $30k for a wedding, our budget is about half of that now!
Post # 4
I’m a type A planner. So it’s time to get your big girl shoes on and get studying! I knew our budget way in advance, so I started a huge spreadsheet for every place I ran in to. As soon as I found five that met all financial and physical criteria for what I wanted, I presented them to Fiance. He agreed to see four of them.
You can do this for dresses as well. Just focus on one thing at a time. It’s exciting to be in the planning stage and you may want to get everything done now, but taxing yourself by seeing every venue and trying on every dress is just going to add to the stress.
Breathe and enjoy it!
Post # 5
@mrsbruff2b: Thats been my moms idea from the start but hubs wont go for it :/
Post # 6
@ohmybears48: Your right, I think a lot of my frusteration comes from starting the winter semester of school and being too busy to physically plan with spread sheets and stuff. I am a serial lister and I like writting things physically. I think that Im going on a small hiatus to gather my thoughts. I am going on two last dress appointments and then ill sit down and pick one, if i go searching again it will only be for similar dresses. Ill do research on my own and present it to hubs to check out. The W word will not be mentioned to anyone else but myself till march!
Post # 7
I have experienced what you are talking about, on a slightly smaller scale. I was definitely internet-researching venues and dresses and colors before FH actually proposed. My thought was, I will know exactly what I want and it will just be so smooth and easy and I’ll be the most carefree bride in the world!
Oh, how things change in one week. Once I allowed myself to truly start “planning,” I stopped sleeping and woke up with dresses and outdoor seating and flowers in my head. I either tossed and turned for hours agonizing over every little detail (who gets cut from the guest list? do I want lace or satin on my dress? how do I tell my sister there’s no way in hell I’m letting her wear a strapless dress in my bridal party?), or just got up in the middle of the night to get on the computer for hours.
What I have found to be helpful are a few things: truly narrow down your most important expectations for the wedding. For example, my FH and I don’t really care about a cake. We will have one, but as long as it’s not some sort of hot mess and it doesn’t cost a fortune, it’s fine by us.
If your FH is not feeling like jumping in, you need to prepare yourself and him. Set up designated times to talk wedding talk as opposed to just swearing off the whole discussion until March. I forsee further frustration during your research if you don’t ask his opinion from time to time.
Use this year and a half. I am still struggling with the feeling of, “I know what I want, and so I want it all taken care of and planned RIGHT NOW.” I feel like I keep running into dead ends with venues and budget–keep looking! I have run myself in circles over the dress–I would take a break with that one if I were you. How do you know what kind of dress is appropriate until you know your surroundings?
I think you are completely normal. Take breaks. Get one of your BMs or someone to distract you from time to time. Work on your lists. Planning a wedding IS overwhelming at every level, and THAT’S OKAY. Your wedding will be lovely.
Post # 8
@shortnsunny: Thank you for that lovely pep talk, its wonderful to know that I am not the only bride who is tearing my hair out. I have 2 more bridal appointments on saturday and then I am taking a break from dress shopping, at that point I will know how I feel in many styles and can choose an appropriate one when we are more situated. Your suggestion about making times to talk about the wedding with the man is a good one, that way he still has a break and i still have sanity! I think what happened is that I was so prepared before I got engaged that I expected this to go so much more smooth, and in fact it is a different story when your working with real dollars and real opinions!