(Closed) I’ve been keeping a secret from the FH…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Ultimately, it’s your wedding and you should do what you BOTH want….not what everyone else thinks or says. I know sometimes it’s hard to disregard what family members say about your wedding (I’ve experienced it myself) but it’s not their wedding. I think you should be honest with your FH and both of you can reach to a decision that makes you happy.

Good luck 🙂

Post # 4
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ummm no, actually it WILL hurt, because in the end you are going to be super stressed and unhappy, and when he points out that this is what you wanted…you will snap. If you don’t want him to call them out on it then do it yourself! You two should have the wedding you really want, and not allow others to pressure you. I know that’s easier said than done, but your aunts and uncles will get over it.

Just say that you love them and are glad they’re excited for you, but that you originally wanted to elope and are making this small exception for the parents and grandparents, but that is really it, and that you know a lot of people like attending weddings and would want to be there, but the two of you feel that it’s a moment just for you as a couple, and you hope they can all be happy that you’re having the wedding you really want. (If they can’t be happy for you, well then that is their problem, not yours!)

Post # 5
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

@Wonderstruck:  I totally agree. Unless you have the time and resources to hire a wedding planner who is willing to just have you show up the day of it is going to be more stress than it is worth.

if it isn’t what you want don’t do it….if it isn’t going to make you happpy, don’t do it… if it is going to cause undo stress and tension between you and your Fiance then DON”T DO IT.

Just my advice. but your aunts are probably not going to be paying for the wedding, and keep in mind that whatever you do someone IS going to be unhappy. Have the small wedding you wanted, have a picnic a few weeks later for the extended family, make it as fancy or as low key as you like. If they want to come and join you awesome, but if not at least you will still have your sanity.

Post # 7
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yeah Hun I agree, fess up and tell him you were guilted into thinking that’s what you want. Having a big wedding (mine is at 236!) is soooo stressfull! Bless your heart for wantingSan intimate one! I’m sorry your aunts and uncles did that to ya but in the end honesty is always the best policy. 

Post # 8
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@mnp:  Oh my..! Disowned by your parents or aunts/uncles? If it’s not stress and if you want to keep the peace then I would say go for it. However, if adding these additional guests will cause a financial burden then I would say stand your ground. 

We have decided to only invite a few of my aunts and uncles that I selected because I want them to be there on our big day. As far as my cousins….less than 8 will be invited to the wedding. I come from a huge family but I only need those family members who have always been there for me and will wish Fiance and I the best in our marriage. Those aunts, uncles, and cousins who are not invited can say or feel whatever they want and they are not invited for very good reasons. Like I said, I know it’s not easy but make a decision that you and FH will be happy with. Take your time to make the decision and include FH on it. He may shed some light to the situation.

Post # 9
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mnp:  That is horrible that they would threaten you with that, I’m so sorry, I can’t even imaginr! Have you talked to your parents and told them the way your aunts/uncles are behaving? Maybe they could help?

Post # 10
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2013

A bigger wedding has a lot of stresses and planning issues that a small wedding won’t.  If you don’t want a big wedding, don’t do it.  We have 270 guests and it’s a LOT of work and a LOT of money.  But, we wanted that many guests and so we’re happy with it.  Ultimately, you and your Fiance need to be happy with the wedding you choose.

Keep in mind, it’s YOUR day, not your family’s day!  Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
5177 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

You know what? If your aunts and uncles (or whoever else in your family) are going to “disown” you over you and your husband choosing what is right for you as a couple, let them, because honestly, even if you had this big wedding you do not want, they will never be happy and will ALWAYS be butting in with things.

My husband and I did a semi-elopement (only about 16 guests & out on Vancouver Island). Most of our family (and we both have rather large families) and friends had no idea we were even married until after we were. Heck, I never even told my biological father until after the fact. None of us ended up disowned, or criticized for it, and we had an amazing wedding we would not change even if we could as it was so very “us”.

Sure, it is only a “few people added to the guestlist” but it also changes the very nature of the “wedding vibe”, is still not what you want, and now you also have guests there who bullied you into being there (talk about a downer!).

Post # 13
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you need to tell him. They will all be family so! And he will be your most important person in your life your partner. I think you need to share this information with him and come to a decision together.

Post # 14
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Tell him, he may surprise you. I am sure you need a listening ear and someone in your corner. Let him do his job! Good luck.

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