(Closed) I've been teased and lied to

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee

He makes you say your name with his last name and told you to plan a wedding but hasn’t proposed?! Boy, bye. 

Post # 3
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

He sounds like a real peach 🙄

Post # 4
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

You deserve so much better. Engagement isn’t something to be teased about.

Post # 5
Member
3057 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

The teasing is strange & cruel. How long have you been together? Have you ever talked about a timeline? 

Post # 6
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

How old are you? How long have you been with your bf? Do you both have stable jobs/careers? More info needed, I’m sorry – but my initial gut reaction is that your bf is either a) kinda a jerk, or b) trying to catch you off guard by throwing you off the scent. Hard to say, I hope it’s the latter though.

ETA: Does he know that his teasing is hurting your feelings? Did you react when he told you to drop it, and does he know you’re upset? I would like to know how he reacted when he realized that you were obviously expecting it this summer and he’s dashed your hopes.

Post # 7
Member
2229 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

What a douche. Tell him to Man up of F*** off

Post # 9
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee

Dump.

Post # 10
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

What? He makes you use his last name? Even a married man can’t insist on that – it’s something the woman does voluntarily. To insist on that when you’re not married yet: he sounds like a controlling a-hole. Does he control other aspects of your life?

Also a wedding is something you plan together, not something the man tells the woman to plan.

Post # 11
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Sounds like he is backing…

Post # 12
Member
946 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I read a post that sounded similar to yours years ago. She had a lot of self confidence and after posting here she told him, during an argument, that she wasn’t going to be jerked around and she was done and said one of them was moving out, like now. 

The guy had gone from ‘you are my life’ to ‘I’ll do it when I want to and you’ll just have to wait.’ So she was pretty shocked and then angry because it’s he life too.  

Once he realized she was serious he did a 180, said he hadn’t meant it, that his uncle had said to throw her off so the proposal would be a surprise, so she’d be happier when he did it.  He was devastated he had made her feel the way she did.  Proposed right there without a ring and they picked one out the next day. 

This MAY be your guy. Only way you’ll know is if you tell him ‘Yo dude, you can’t tell me one thing then tell me another. Only one thing is true.  I won’t be in a relationship where you lead me to believe one thing and you mean another or change your mind about something that affects ME without discussing it with ME.  The man I want to spend the rest of my life with would never do that to me.  So either we need to find other people or we need to have a serious discussion about what the truth is’. 

Being a doormat is never attractive. 

Post # 13
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

Hmm, how long have you lived together? I think – if possible – you should drop it for a few months, and then revisit it toward the end of summer when you’ve both had a chance to focus on other things (and he’s had a chance to surprise you, if that’s what he’s trying to do…). If he brings up marriage in this time, as it sounds like he is wont to do, feel free to give him a hard time and tell him it’s easier for you if you both drop the subject for a little while and it’s hard for you to talk about it if he doesn’t back up his words with actions. A year is pretty quick (but I’m also about to get engaged, and have been with my SO for a little over a year, too) but not unreasonable and hopefully he’ll have a better idea toward the end of summer/fall of when he’s actually willing to take the next step.

ETA: I think Supernurse above has excellent advice.

Post # 14
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
madison21 :  This is all just so weird. It’s strange that you were already talking about marriage after a month of being together in the first place. How does he “make” you use his last name? Just talk to each other honestly. If you can’t do that, maybe you aren’t right for each other. A year is pretty quick, and maybe that is what he is thinking now. Waiting a bit and stopping being so focused on getting engaged isn’t a bad idea, especially considering how young you both are.

Post # 15
Member
243 posts
Helper bee

This is just cruel. So many red flags, bee. Is he manipulative in any other way?

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