(Closed) I’ve been unfaithful to my husband……

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 48
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You say you’re trying for a baby… how are you going to know if it’s actually your husband’s or not? You need help.

Post # 49
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

@now6ivedoneit:  You’ll do anything for him, except be faithful and honest… And if you aren’t being faithful and honest, you aren’t doing anything for him.  He deserves someone who truly will do anything or him.  If you’ll truly do anything for him, then come clean and be faithful. 


Post # 50
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m sorry you feel the need to do this 🙁 I hope you get the help you’re looking for and are able to repair your marriage. I opt for coming clean. It will make you feel so much better and open more doors for either divorce or new beginnings together. Best of luck and I want an update!

Post # 51
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

View original reply
OP, you really don’t sound like you want to tell your husband and come clean.  If that is the case, are you willing to stop all together?  From this point on or not? 

That is the real question.

Post # 52
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014


How very troll-tastic.

Post # 54
990 posts
Busy bee


The fact of the matter is, she cheated, has been cheating, and may continue to cheat. I do not disagree that what she is doing is dishonest, wrong, and selfish. I will not make excuses for her behavior and I will not condone it but I will say this, she needs someone to talk to. If she came onto a website seeking guidance, then she is reaching out. And it is actually the complete opposite of helpful to be intentionally nasty about the choices she made for her own lifestyle. Shame on those of you who felt it necessary to be so snarky. She may have hurt someone, very very badly, with her behavior but that is HER cross to bear. She, as with any other human person, does have the capacity to love someone and hurt them at the same time, but no additional judgement needs to be handed out. I am sure some of you live in glass houses, let’s not throw stones.


Post # 55
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

First of all, I don’t understand why you married him in the first place if you were already cheating before that.

Second of all, I don’t understand why you haven’t left him yet if he’s not “doing it” for you anymore. (Frankyl, it sounds like he never was!)

Be a woman and leave him.

Post # 56
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I know you love your husband, but out of that love, he deserves to know the truth.  

I understand the need for intimacy, and that you haven’t found a way to make it work – from how you describe it:  you are clearly not compatible sexually.

It sounds like that’s the deal-breaker for you.  And, quite honestly, that’s ok.  You guys aren’t a match for marriage and sooner you come to grips with that reality, the sooner (I hope) you can be honest with your husband.

He deserves to know the truth.

It won’t get better, until you decide to face reality.

There are 3 choices that are obvious to me:  divorce and get your sexual needs met and perhaps find someone else that is compatible in all areas;  tell your husband and he’s ok with having an open marriage; continue the lie.

I’m not a fan of continuing the lie – because with most things, either you’ll get caught, slip up somehow, or just get plain tired of living the lie (which sounds like the point you are at).

There’s part of me that wonders why you married your husband, knowing you were unfulfilled… I’m assuming you likely thought it might change/get better??? 

I think you know in your heart your husband deserves to know (hence the guilt).  I know telling him will be ridiculously hard and painful for you both…. but, it’s the ONLY way to move forward.

Best of luck to you.


Post # 57
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

View original reply
@MrsH1010: The best advice anyone could possibly give her is to get her and her husband out of this situation- Why cheat? Why Stay…be single! embrace, it flaunt it, live it if you must, but dont drag along someone because you are lying to yourself and him about what you want and feel. Cut ties and be done with it- and thats pretty much the gist of what everyone is saying to her, and the reaction is more to her callous belief that she should stay with her husband and lie to him about her cheating, despite  her knowing and wanting something else (and not wanting him). Thats not only unhealthy, unfair- but it also shows shes not really that interested in advice or support- she wants validation that what she is doing is ok…and Im afraid no reasonable person with an iota of a conscience would agree with her on her actions. Thus, the reaction.

Post # 58
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I really hope this is a troll…

Post # 59
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

View original reply
@oracle: 100% agreed.

Have you considered the fact that you’re simply not cut out for monogamy? Plenty of people aren’t. But the only way to have your needs met is to come clean with your husband and let the chips fall where they may. He may leave you, he may accept the situation and even come to celebrate it depending on his sexual needs, but either way you won’t be living a lie.
I highly recommend not bringing a kid into this situation right now.

Post # 60
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Wow, I can’t believe you had the gall to marry him after what you were doing, and to blame it on him???? If your sex life sucked, then you should have left him, not marry him.

I feel sorry for him, poor guy. Come clean, and leave. I’m sorry, but you don’t deserve a good man like your husband after what you’ve been doing to him

Post # 61
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

If you really love him, don’t you want him to be with someone that loved all of him? Not someone who loves only parts of him–doesn’t he deserve that?

The topic ‘I’ve been unfaithful to my husband……’ is closed to new replies.

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