(Closed) I’ve been venue robbed…

posted 12 years ago in Venue
Post # 17
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Unless she booked your wedding date, I would not be worrying about this. It’s a wedding venue…tons of brides are going to be getting married there! If anything the comparisons are going to be on her because her wedding will come after yours. It is weird that she hasn’t told you…I think that means she feels embarrassed to tell you because she is afraid you will be mad. But seriously, who cares? It’s not like she stole your groom, right? 🙂

There will be plenty of things you can do to make your wedding special and unique. If you really love this place I don’t think you should let her stop you. Years from now you don’t want to look back and say that you had your wedding somewhere you didn’t love as much just because you were trying to be different than your friend. What will matter is your day, not hers. Even if she carbon copies everything you do, it is still your day that matters and you should do what you like best. 

Post # 18
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow.  I didn’t know she hadn’t told you…I’m with Niki.  Extend an olive branch, and smack her with it!


But seriously, you might want to talk to her about this…if only because it’ll be bothering you and she’ll know something is wrong, but if you don’t tell her what, she won’t have a clue.

And I still say stick with the venue.  I had 4 friends get married and have their receptions in the SAME places (Navy life) but they were all unique and they all had a definite flavor to them that was unique to the bride and groom.  If WB has taught me anything, it’s that no matter how much you try to copy someone’s ideas, in the end they are still different.  (We beg borrow and steal from each other all the time, but nothing is ever exactly the same!)

Post # 19
25 posts
  • Wedding: August 2010

I say totally book it yourself. Your wedding is first, so she will look like the copycat. So book it and send out your STD right away!

Post # 20
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I’d be pretty mad about it too!!! Something similar happened to one of my girl friends (her FSL deliberately stole her theme & first dance song). Needless to say she never tells the FSL anymore of her ideas. It’s such a horrible thing to do.

But I’m also with the go ahead and book the venue vote! You love the venue and you mentioned it first. Plus your wedding date comes first.

Post # 21
2640 posts
Sugar bee

 I can see being upset.  I wanted to make sure kmy venue was one none of my friends or family had…ever… not just over the course of a few months.  With that said, I think that you should stick with the venue if it’s your first choice.  Besides your wedding would be the one to come first.  And any "wow" first impression factors would come for your wedding, and be less so for hers.   I agree with the other posters who think that she’ll look like the venue robber. 

Post # 22
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

You should still get married there. She’s getting married AFTER you, so she’ll look like a copycat.

And, yes, you have a right to be upset, BUT, perhaps she forgot that you mentioned it, OR she loved it so much, she wanted to too.

I wouldn’t say a word, and just make sure that you make the place look amazing, so no one forgets about your wedding 🙂

Post # 23
248 posts
Helper bee

I don’t get the whole “robbing” tone of this thread. Unless you live in a large city, there are only so many places to hold a wedding reception. So if two friends who live in the same town are reserving a reception venue, it is very likely they could both like the same place. What’s the big deal??

A weddding is NOT about the venue. In my town there are four or five nice places to have a reception so naturally there have been “repeats” in venues among friends. But each reception has its own flavor and is unique and special (it’s a differnt bride and groom and set of guests, for heavens sake!).

Post # 24
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I really don’t understand people fighting over venues. The venue is meant to be used for different events, why wouldn’t someone use it just because you are using it?

Post # 25
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I fall in line with those saying it’s not that big a deal. Just ignore it, go ahead with your wedding planning, and have the best and most personal wedding you can, regardless of what anyone else is doing. I think this is one of those things where no one will notice or care as much as the bride, much like pink roses vs. blush roses, you know?

There will always be comparisons between any weddings–I go to a wedding and think of all the other fun weddings I’ve been to and naturally compare/contrast, it’s not meant to be mean, it just is.

My fiance’s best friend is getting married 2 weeks before us in the same city, the guest list will be enormously similar. I already know there will be comparisons, and I’m not even sure yet where they’re having their wedding. Who knows? They may pick our venue. I just want to ensure that our event is as much "us" and as comfortable for our guests as possible. At the end of the day, that and your marriage license are all that matters.

Post # 26
329 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 12 years ago

the "robbed" feeling comes from the whole "keeping it quiet" thing. If EVERYONE knows why is her friend being so coy? because she KNOWS she only found that place thanks to littlemisskate.

If she would have just "forgotten" the venue was mentioned before, there wouldn’t be any evasiveness and her ‘friend’ would be straight forward.

I say BOOK IT! You’re getting married first, right? so do it! 

Post # 27
1428 posts
Bumble bee

I would keep the venue if it is truly your dream venue, after all, as the other Bees have said, your wedding will be first & really with different flowers, colors & other wedding decor, the same space can look completely different.

Post # 28
47 posts
  • Wedding: December 1969

I would keep the venue. Your wedding style will be different. Your style of the wedding will transform the place. It’s just a place to hold your wedding, your decorations won’t be the same. If you love it then go with it, don’t worry about what people say.

Post # 29
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Unfortunately, I learned the hard way also.  My FH sister got engaged the day after us…wasn’t a coincidence (even though she claims it is) anyways….I don’t share anything about our wedding in front of his family because she is the type of person to steal the ideas! After this incident, if you book the venue anyways (I would because number 1 you love it, number two your wedding is before hers, and three if you told people about it before she booked it they knew you wanted it before she booked it!) But learn from this and dont share your ideas until after they made a decision that way they can’t take your ideas from now on!!!!

I would book the venue anyways, who cares, she will look like the fool! And even with the same venue, you probably will have different colors, etc so they won’t be the same!

Post # 30
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2021

Perhaps your friend absolutely fell in love with it. She knows that your wedding is first, and she knows that she might look like the copy cat, but maybe she loves it soooo much (and in 10 years, she won’t be comparing her own wedding to yours– she’ll be remembering her special day in a place that she loved). It does seems like this was a little malicious if your friend booked the venue knowing you liked it, and is telling everyone but you. But perhaps she doesn’t mean anything by it!

That being said, before you book it, make sure you consider a few things. First, as others mentioned, people WILL compare your wedding to hers. It is only natural since they are in the same place.

Second, consider your friendship with this friend. It seems like she is in the wrong, since it appears that she booked it behind you back. But I think that you might want to talk to her about the situtaion first. You could even say that you were looking at the place, and when you told your mutual friends that you were going to book, you found out that she had already booked. Two wrongs don’t make a right– so even if she booked it behind your back, its probably best that you talk to her about it before going behind HER back. If she gets really mad, you’ll have the opportunity to explain yourself to her personally, which is the most respectful thing to do. Just know that, in the worst case scenario, this could affect your friendship. If she isn’t a a great friend to begin with, this might not bother you that much, but just make sure you are aware of it. In 5 years from now, which will matter the most– that she is still your friend, or that you had your wedding at your dream location. (There isn’t a right answer here- you just need to figure out your priorities.)

Third, make sure that THAT is the place you really love. I know you’ve probably thought about it for a while and TRULY love it, but look around and make sure that there isn’t a better place out there. Perhaps her booking it made you want it even more, but if you really look around, there might be a more perfect place out there (and this could be a blessing in disguise!). If you look around and still think that the first place is the one you love the best, go for it!

Post # 31
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

BeachBrideT – Great explanations! I think these is the best way to go about your situation. Think before you act!

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