(Closed) I've given my BM's too much freedom with their dresses

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I asked my bridesmaids for their opinions over and over, got nothing, told them what to wear…and am now hearing (dissenting) opinions.  GEEZ.  


Hopefully they don’t decide they have input after all that!

Post # 4
9856 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@Soon2BeeMrsG:  i think you were perfectly right to do that, not being bitchy at all, you have three months to go, and alterations could take a while, i hope they step up!

Post # 5
25 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

Thats quite poor of your BMs to be giving you all this extra stress so close to the big day!

They are lucky you have given them the option to choose! I gave my girls freedom to choose a dress – we had a rainbow theme so even the colour was theirs to choose, as long as they didnt clash – and I must say they were fantastic! They co-ordinated on colour, style, material, everything! Then they gave me a little fashion show a few weeks before the wedding to show me what they had chosen.

Your BMs are meant to support and help, and take away some of your stress – not add to it!!

Go to a charity shop, pick up an 80’s style, puffball sleeve, maroon and yellow monstrosity and then show it to them. Tell them, pick the dress by X date, or your wearing this.

Get them told!

Post # 6
6737 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you did fine by giving them a deadline.  It’s really nice that you’re letting them pick what you want them to wear, but I probably would have scheduled a day for us to all go shop together and let them pick something out, but allow me to have the final say in it.  Maybe I’m just a control freak, but I think that giving the BMs free reign usually calls for disaster.  If they don’t pick something soon, then maybe you should just say “ok, on this date, we’re all going shopping and picking dresses.  if you can’t make it, i’m buying something for you, tell me your size or i’ll guess” lol

Post # 7
5427 posts
Bee Keeper

@Soon2BeeMrsG:  UHM… your wedding is in November, at the end of November, 3 months away.

I wouldn’t want to buy my dress now, I’d wait until the first week of November, so it still fits for the wedding… I could lose weight or gain weight, you never know, we have that capability, then I’d have to buy another one or alter the dress.

Post # 10
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I let my BMs choose their dresses, but we still went shopping together to find them. This way, they could show me what they liked, and we ended up going with the same fabric and color even though they each wore the dresses they picked out.

I think you should invite them to go shopping for dresses. That way, they still get feedback from you if they’re anxious about whether you’ll like what they pick and they’ll have a little more structure in terms of having a set time they’re going to the store. 2 of my girls bought their dresses the day we went shopping, and the third bought hers online later with a much clearer idea of what she wanted after shopping with the other girls. It also gave us a chance to talk shoes, jewelry, and hair and get some much-needed girl time with shopping and pizza.

Oh, and I don’t think it’s necessary to get alterations for bridesmaid dresses either. It’s optional if they want a perfect fit, but I really don’t think anyone’s going to notice if they buy something in a standard size without alterations.

Post # 11
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think this is just what happens when you try to get a group of people to do the same thing but each independently, on their own schedule. I think if you pick a day for everyone to go shopping together, it’ll accomplish your goal of getting it done, but in a fun and memorable way rather than playing the bride card.  For anyone who is unable to attend, you can send them photos of what the other ladies bought and name the stores you visited, maybe even quoting some great 20% off sale that’s only on till next weekend— gets people motivated to get out and get it done before the sale ends, and you look like the hero for trying to save them some money, instead of looking like a shouty controlling bride!

Post # 12
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I had to drive my Maid/Matron of Honor to the nearest city two hours away 6 days before the wedding to buy a dress.  Lucky I did every thing she liked was completely slutty so I had to explain there will be elderly people attending!

Post # 14
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@anemonie:  Ditto!

I am also letting my BM’s choose thier own dress (with stipulations of course) and I have a shopping weekend planned with my BM’s. This way they can all get an idea what the others are thinking of wearing. And also, this way I get to give the final approval!

Post # 15
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I found a website that had multiple dresses that fit my theme. I sent a goup FB message to my girls and told them to pick a dress and get it ordered as soon as possible. They were all really good about it. But in this way I got to have some decision on what dress they’d be wearing

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