Post # 1
So, after reading many stories similar to mine, I’ve decided to write my own plea for help and advice. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and we have been living together for almost 4 years. I love him very much and have always thought he was “the one”. We have a great relationship, laughs are plentiful, and I trust him. Over the past year or two, I have watched almost all of my college friends get married. (I am 26 and he just turned 30.) After being together for so long, I want us to take the next step in our lives together too. Honestly, I can’t believe he hasn’t proposed yet. I’ve always had the old-fashioned view that the guy should propose to the girl he wants to marry. However, the waiting has been getting the best of me lately. My best friend advised me to casually say something to him and see how he reacted. Last Christmas, he asked me what I wanted as a present and I replied “a diamond ring” and showed him the type of ring I would like. It was a BIG step for me to suggest that he should propose. I always thought it would come naturally for him. Well, it’s the middle of April and I’m still without a ring. Lately, I have become so resentful that I feel like I am hurting our relationship. It just really upsets me that he hasn’t even talked about it at all, even to say if he’s not ready. And now, who would want to propose to an irritable, resentful girlfriend? The problem is that I don’t want the marriage to be my idea. I’m afraid that if I bring up a proposal again, I wouldn’t think he was being genuine if he did propose after all of my prompting. I know I want to move on if he doesn’t propose. Our lease is up in June, so I have to make a decision soon. Should I wait and see what he does, then move out if nothing happens? Talk to him now…or later? I know I have said enough to make him aware that I want to get married. I think I have my prince, but I’m tired of waiting for my happy ending. Any help would be greatly appreciated!!!
Post # 3
I really think you should talk to him and ask him where he sees your relationship going. Let him know that you would like to get engaged and get married. Ask him what his timeline is and let him know what your ideal timeline is. You won’t know if you don’t talk to him.
Post # 4
I think the only logical and constructive thing to do is TALK to him about it. You both need to be clear about where you see your relationship going. You need to communicate with one another!
Post # 5
yeah I think that’s the only thing you can do. you can wait around for the next 2-3 months and be upset the whole time, then if you “move on” wonder why you let 5 years go, or that you could’ve done something.
Tell him you want to know where the relationship is going, and that you’ve been ready to take the next step for years now and you’ve been trying to be patient and wait on him, but it’s beginning to wear on you. Let him know how much you love and adore him and want to be with him, but it’s hurting you too much to feel stuck at this point in your relationship. Say that you don’t want to push him, and if he’s not ready it doesn’t have to happen right away, but if you do plan to leave in June, let him know – “I want this, but if it’s not for you, I can leave when our lease is up.”
or something to those lines. You know him best, you know what’s best to say… but really, be honest.
Post # 6
I think you probably should give up the fantasy that he’ll sweep you off your feet with a super romantic proposal that is all his idea with zero prompting from you. If he were the type of man to do that, wouldn’t it have happened sooner than 5 yrs into the relationship?
More women than you think have had to prod the guy to get the ball rolling, so to speak. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or want to marry you – a lot of guys just don’t see the urgency (and 30 isn’t old in “man years”).
I would have an honest, direct talk with him about where he sees the relationship heading (and when). And you can tell him your thoughts on those topics. You’ve been together a long time – the time for subtle hinting is past.
A lot of guys are real boneheads when it comes to this stuff. I wouldn’t be surprised AT ALL if he is like “I had no idea you felt that way” or something equally clueless. It doesn’t mean he won’t be on the same page when he’s had time to think about it.
I wouldn’t move out in June unless he’s totally non receptive to your discussion. That’s really soon, and if he hasn’t been preparing to propose already it may be hard for him to get it together that fast. If his response is reassuring, then if I were you I’d sign on for one more year with the understanding that you expect the relationship to have moved forward by the time that lease is up. No need to make a threat or “ultimatum” at this point, just state your expectation.
Post # 7
The sentence that struck me was: “It was a BIG step for me to suggest that he should propose.”
Why? Because you felt strange about bringing it up, or because you thought he’d be upset?
You need to know for sure where he’s at and to have him know where you’re at. Only then can you make a decision if where he’s at is something you can live with.
Easier said than done, though. I know that for sure.
Post # 8
I would start with the question of “Do you see yourself getting married?” “To me?” If you’ve got the right one, the answer should be a resounding “Yes! Of course honey”. If there’s hesitation, then you should know why. Exactly. Some guys need to feel “ready” or “set up” to be a husband and that’s perfectly legitimate if it works for you as well. But some are really bad at say, dragging things out forever, because it’s pretty nice right now, but really honestly they don’t see themselves getting married to you. It’s a bit scary to talk about it I know! But you deserve it and need to do it.