(Closed) I’ve got the prince, where is my fairy tale?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I really think you should talk to him and ask him where he sees your relationship going. Let him know that you would like to get engaged and get married. Ask him what his timeline is and let him know what your ideal timeline is. You won’t know if you don’t talk to him.

Post # 4
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think the only logical and constructive thing to do is TALK to him about it. You both need to be clear about where you see your relationship going. You need to communicate with one another!

Post # 5
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

yeah I think that’s the only thing you can do. you can wait around for the next 2-3 months and be upset the whole time, then if you “move on” wonder why you let 5 years go, or that you could’ve done something.

Tell him you want to know where the relationship is going, and that you’ve been ready to take the next step for years now and you’ve been trying to be patient and wait on him, but it’s beginning to wear on you. Let him know how much you love and adore him and want to be with him, but it’s hurting you too much to feel stuck at this point in your relationship. Say that you don’t want to push him, and if he’s not ready it doesn’t have to happen right away, but if you do plan to leave in June, let him know – “I want this, but if it’s not for you, I can leave when our lease is up.”

 or something to those lines. You know him best, you know what’s best to say… but really, be honest.

Post # 6
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you probably should give up the fantasy that he’ll sweep you off your feet with a super romantic proposal that is all his idea with zero prompting from you.  If he were the type of man to do that, wouldn’t it have happened sooner than 5 yrs into the relationship?

More women than you think have had to prod the guy to get the ball rolling, so to speak.  It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or want to marry you – a lot of guys just don’t see the urgency (and 30 isn’t old in “man years”).

I would have an honest, direct talk with him about where he sees the relationship heading (and when).  And you can tell him your thoughts on those topics.  You’ve been together a long time – the time for subtle hinting is past.

A lot of guys are real boneheads when it comes to this stuff.  I wouldn’t be surprised AT ALL if he is like “I had no idea you felt that way” or something equally clueless.  It doesn’t mean he won’t be on the same page when he’s had time to think about it.

I wouldn’t move out in June unless he’s totally non receptive to your discussion.  That’s really soon, and if he hasn’t been preparing to propose already it may be hard for him to get it together that fast.  If his response is reassuring, then if I were you I’d sign on for one more year with the understanding that you expect the relationship to have moved forward by the time that lease is up.  No need to make a threat or “ultimatum” at this point, just state your expectation.

Post # 7
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

The sentence that struck me was: “It was a BIG step for me to suggest that he should propose.”

Why?  Because you felt strange about bringing it up, or because you thought he’d be upset?

You need to know for sure where he’s at and to have him know where you’re at.  Only then can you make a decision if where he’s at is something you can live with.

Easier said than done, though.  I know that for sure.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

I would start with the question of “Do you see yourself getting married?” “To me?” If you’ve got the right one, the answer should be a resounding “Yes! Of course honey”. If there’s hesitation, then you should know why. Exactly. Some guys need to feel “ready” or “set up” to be a husband and that’s perfectly legitimate if it works for you as well. But some are really bad at say, dragging things out forever, because it’s pretty nice right now, but really honestly they don’t see themselves getting married to you. It’s a bit scary to talk about it I know! But you deserve it and need to do it.

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