Post # 1
I’m annoyed about this. I did not address this invite to you and your family. It clearly states you and your spouse… why do you feel the need to write on the back “we can’t wait! Can we bring Son and baby daughter? and is there going to be kid food?” Now i have to have an awkward converstation saying, no i’m sorry your kids can not come because if i invite your kids then i have to invite all of the kids… and to be honest i’ve never even met your kids…
But my main reason for not having kids is because i don’t want babies crying during my ceremony I find it incrediabley rude an distracting and i don’t want to look back on my vows and hear a baby. Now she’s going to bring them to the church and her spouse will leave with them and my cousin will just be coming to the reception. Am I being a bridezilla because i don’t want her kids at my hour long church ceremony, personally it doesn’t seem like something you would bring a 4 month old to…I’m praying it will be nap time….
Am I wrong? My sister thinks I won’t even notice but i just think its rude to even ask….
Post # 3
If they are close friends then maybe you can work out a compromise. You could always say that you don’t want kids in the ceremony because it is long and you want to make sure there are no distractions. Then, they can be free to bring the kids to the reception as long as they pack food, etc. I know for a lot of people, having the caterer make special meals for kids isn’t a good option.
You aren’t wrong for not wanting kids there and if you really want no kids at the wedding or reception just be honest. It’s YOUR wedding so ultimately you should go with what feels right. Good luck!
Post # 4
No, you’re not being a bridezilla (I hate that term). You’re right; they are being rude by just bringing their kids a long…asking details, etc. I will say this; at least they asked. You’ll hear a lot on the boards about people who just tote their kids a long and don’t understand the havoc it can cause.
I think that you’re being pretty gracious letting them bring their kids to the ceremony. You do have choices here. You can:
– tell them that due to logistical reasons, you aren’t able to have kids come to the ceremony. You could even bring up the fact that if you let them do it, you’ll have to let everyone. Tell them it’s an hour long ceremony…that might change their mind
-be cool about them bringing the kids for the ceremony, but have someone casually mention where the exits are for a quick gettaway should the kids become fussy
You probably won’t notice, but you’re right; it is rude of them to ask. If you let them bring the kids, you’ll have to do your best to let it go if the kids are fussy and loud.
Post # 5
I agree with your sister, you most likely won’t notice a baby crying, or people sneezing, coughing, burping, farting, laughing, yawning, shifting in the seats and other noises people make when in large groups. If you don’t want to look back and think of the noises people could make during your ceremony, you shouldn’t invite people because humans are a noisy species. lol
BUT, if you don’t want children there, just tell them. It doesn’t have to be awkward. Say i’m sorry, but due to budget constraints, we are only having adults at the wedding. I hope you can still make it. It doesn’t make you a bridezilla at all! You are entitled to invite whomever you want to your wedding.
At least they asked instead of just showing up with the kids! 🙂
Post # 6
I don’t think you are a bridezilla but churches are public places and anyone can come in and watch your ceremony so I don’t see how you can exclude children from your ceremony. I know if I told my pastor I didn’t want children there he would laugh at me. Everyone is always welcome in our church so that wouldn’t work for me. Maybe your church is different?
Post # 7
I would be annoyed too. Now you are put into a position where you have to have an uncomfortable conversation. How frustrating – especially asking if there will be ‘kid food’. Personally, that would push me over the edge.
At my venue, the “childrens plate” pricing still works out to be $75 per head plus tax which is just crazy and definitely not just something you can simply add to your budget without having to cut something out.
I wouldn’t even make up excuses – I’m telling people that we decided to have an adults-only ceremony and reception. That’s it. The only person who has refused to pay attention to this is my Future Mother-In-Law – but that’s a separate issue.
Post # 8
You’re not wrong at all. Their children were not invited and they have to respect that. I hate when guests feel that just because they were invited somewhere, their offspring are automatically included as well. If you wanted to invite their kids, you would have.
As for your sister saying that you “won’t even notice them”, that’s a gamble. I’m sure there are well behaved infants out there who will sit quietly and not disturb anyone but I’ve never known one. I’ve seen too many ceremonies ruined affected by a screaming baby with a clueless caregiver. One would hope that once the baby starts to get fussy their caregiver would remove them but that doesn’t always happen. The absolute last thing that I wanted on my wedding day was a baby crying through our ceremony which is why our (at the time) 2 month old niece wasn’t even invited.
This is your wedding so you get to call the shots. If you don’t want these people to bring their kids then tell them. You are well within your rights.
Post # 9
@MissCallieJean: A screaming baby is much more of a distraction that someone sneezing or coughing. I’ve been at weddings where the caregiver just lets the kid scream and doesn’t remove them. If that were my wedding, I would have been absolutely livid.
@secondchances: A wedding ceremony is a private event. I’ve never been to a church where the ceremony space was open to the public during the wedding. That seems completely ridiculous to me. We’re not religious but if we were and opted to get married in a church, no-one would have been able to tell me who I could and couldn’t exclude from my guest list.
Post # 10
We didn’t invite kids to our wedding, but some people truly just didn’t know whether their kids were invited or not. Sure, they should know the etiquette, but some people genuinely don’t. We just had a standard response that we gave. A few people chose not to come because their children weren’t invited, but mostly, people dealt with it and attended anyway, sans kids.
Post # 11
@UpstateCait: I have gone to many weddings with infants and never had an issue. I was at a ceremony where an adult man was trying to hack up a lung and after 10 minutes decided it was time to go outside. The bride and groom didn’t notice.
I would have enjoyed the sound of a crying baby over the phlem ball this guy was trying to remove. Adults can be just as distracting and 10 times more disgusting.
Post # 12
This is so rude of the person to ask this and it is one of my biggest fears with our wedding – that people are just going to show up with kids that I didn’t invite and don’t have seats or food for. At least she asked. This is why my Future Mother-In-Law has been spreading the word like wildfire that it’s not a kids event. Maybe tell her that it’s not a party that can accommodate children so unfortunately they can’t bring them to the reception but they can come to the ceremony? I know that compromise doesn’t calm your fear of crying babies during the ceremony, but I agree with others that you probably won’t even notice. I do think that if you have some kids there, then the parents who didn’t bring their kids might get a little touchy about that…I’ve seen that happen. In the end, it’s your wedding – do what makes you comfortable and happy.
Post # 13
No I don’t think you are wrong. But I also think the question, ” Can I bring my kids” is legitimate, and should be just answered politely, and move on. There is no need to get annoyed by the guests who are just wondering, and politely asking.
Post # 14
- Wedding: May 2012 - The Chapel of the Sir Christopher Wren Building, 2007 Legacy Hall
I would hate this. I am also having an adult-only ceremony and reception and am not looking forward to having these conversations. I would agree with you that it’s rude to ask to bring additional guests, even though they are her children. It’s just such a touchy subject with people. Good luck! I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the baby takes a nice long nap for you during the ceremony.
Post # 15
If you don’t want them to bring their kids, they shouldn’t bring their kids. It doesn’t matter how well-behaved or unnoticeable they are. You’re allowed to invite who you want to invite, and they don’t have to right to tangentially invite others. If they had written back “We’re also thinking of bringing out best friends- is that ok?” it would be ridiculous.
I know kids are different because they are part of the family unit, but no-kids-allowed weddings are pretty common nowadays. If you just tell them that you’re not inviting any kids then they should understand. That’s probably why they asked if there was going to be kid food- they don’t want to bring their kids to a non-kid-friendly wedding.
Post # 16
@secondchances: Um… a wedding is a private event. No matter if the church is public or not.
You are not in the wrong. You invited her and her husband, not her children. She is being somewhat rude and presumptuous by assuming that you will make an exception for her. Put your foot down and say no.
One exception will only lead to 10 more.