(Closed) I've had a name-change epiphany!

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Jezika:  I didn’t change mine until about a month ago, because one of his cousins booked a plane ticket with my married name on it.. My mom married after I was born, so I had always had her maiden name, and the rest of my immediate family had the new last name, I was always an individual, and I was having an issue with sharing a name with someone.. I did change my name on FB to his to get used to it, and practiced writing it all the time, and now I love it- I still love my maiden name, but its on my birth certificate still, and I will always know who I am. I feel good having his name now, proud, because he is my husband, I love him. 

My point is that, if he doesn’t like that idea, dont rush the name change, ease into it!

Post # 4
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I didn’t want to change mine as I love my name, my name is already double barralled but if H2B had been up for double barralling I would have just used one of my surnames with his and not both of them, sadly he really is not up for doing that, and is even not entusiastic about me making it my middle name, I will do it one day whether he likes it or not, but have put it to one side for now

Post # 5
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2005

I think I got lucky here.  My parents did not give my sister or I a middle name.  This enabled us to make our last name our middle name and take our DH’s name without losing our maiden identity.

Post # 6
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have also had a bit of a nightmare with this. Like @applecore:  I also have a double barrelled name, I love my name, it sounds good and I am often complemented on it.

FI’s name isn’t so great and besides the principle of taking his name, I really didn’t want to change from my nice name to his name – complements vs mockery! FI also didn’t want me to change my name to his for the same reason but we like the idea of our family having the same name when we have children.

I am very lucky that FI has agreed to take on one of my surnames so we will be double barrelling one of mine with his. Not as nice as my combination but I am happy to take his name with him taking mine. Then came the debate of the order!

Post # 8
Hostess
23789 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Jezika:  YES! 😀  This is what I did, and I’m loving it!  To be honest, even though my full name is (Betty Sue Pengoala) he totally just calls me by my full name all the time, (Betty Sue!) – he thinks it’s tons of fun to just call me by first-middle name. 😀

Post # 9
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Before we got engaged, i was firmly in the “I’m keeping my own name” camp. But now that I’m actually getting married, I find I’ve completely changed. Our names are too long to use both, and I know taking his last name will make him soooo happy. Even tho his last name is pretty awful with a silent letter that’s always confusing people, it wasn’t even a hard choice. His parents were really happy too, as they know how independant I am and assumed I’d refuse.  My mum was totally cool with it and my dad’s not in my life. The only person who was mildly upset was my twin, but she thinks she owns me so i wasn’t surprised ~_~

Post # 10
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

Hello, I am brazilian and in Brazil naming works differently. Let me explain:

 

Lets say Maria Watson Silva gets married to José  Souza Chiesa, her name will most likely be Maria Silva Chiesa. Her last name as a maiden becomes her middle name and her husband’s last name becomes her last name. Or she can just add his last name to her name and become Maria Watson Silva Chiesa.

 

 

If this couple had children, they would get the last name of the mother when she was single as their middle name and the last name of the father and their last name. If the kid was a boy, he would continue to pass on his last name to his wife and kids. But lets say it was a girl Called Karen, Karen Silva Chiesa. When getting married to someone called Rafael Oliveira Barbosa, she would become Karen Chiesa Barbosa.

 

 

it is kind of complicated, so I hope I made it clear. lol

 

 

When I was single, I was called U. (first name) M. (mother’s last name when single) Engel

 

my husband is german and we live in Germany, here the naming laws are different, people usually just have their first name and the family name, instead of the sometimes incredibly long names in Brazil (you can just keep adding, if your parents want they can give you the two sets of family names each of them have…)

 

Anyhow, I wanted to be U. Engel (as middle name) Blank, but Germany didnt allow it, my only options would be to become simply U. Blank or U. Engel-Blank

 

I went with the  double-barrelled name. It was important for me to still keep my last name as single somehow, and now I love the double.barrell, I guess it looks fancy or something (silly to admit it, but I feel like that, lol). Our kids will be called whatever their first names will be and only have Blank for the last name as my husband didnt change his name to the double-barrell (which I am completely fine with, I am just happy to still have Engel in my name, even though now I have just one family name that is new and just mine, I still feel like I belong to the family I was born into and the one I married into) and in Germany kids get the last name of the father.



sorry for the long post, is just it requeired a long explanation. 😀

Post # 11
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wrote out all the possible combinations of my new name and decided which one I liked most. It was a big decision for me ahaha made complicated because my mother had her own opinion on what my name should be.

Post # 12
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It sounds like a good compromise, however some places have laws that you can only change your last name when you get married (Such as New York). Some places require you to take your maiden as your middle and then his last (such as some parishes in LA). That doesn’t mean that you can’t go through the legal name change process seperately from the wedding name change. Just something to think about.

Good luck! I’m glad you were able to find a compromise!

Post # 13
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Oh the name change, this is the one thing me and my FI cannot agree on. He is very traditional and wants me to take his name, I’m very untraditional and I very much despise the archaic and outdated reasoning behind the name change for the bride. That being said, double-barreling, which FI would be okay with, is out of the question, I have 2 middle names, it would be way too long. Changing one of my middle names to maiden name and taking his name, I wouldn’t know which name to take out. Ultimately it’s going to come down to one of us just giving in to the other. He’s worried about the kids getting confused if we have different last names, but the kids should be calling us some variation of mom and dad, not by our last names.

Post # 14
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

i am taking his last name but because i am the last person to be able to pass on my surname i didnt want it to be lost altogether. We have decided that if we have a child and it is a boy i will use my last name as his middle name as my last name is a boys name.If we had girls the name would be gone 🙁

 

 

Post # 15
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@OP:”I like my name in general and feel very uneasy about the historical reasons behind the tradition.”

Did you feel that way about the ‘historical reasons behind’ the engagement ring? Just checking.

 

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