(Closed) I've had a 'waiting' revelation…

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
3400 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think it all depends on the person.

I understand your point, & I think it’s a good one.

I, however, am married & in my senior year of undergrad. My husband & I are both 21 & this was the right decision for us.

Post # 4
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you have a good attitude but it’s never a good idea to compare yourself to other people no matter the capacity. What is right for you may be the worst decision for someone else. What’s important is that you are happy and it sounds like you very much are which is great. Your plans may change, I was similar to you in thinking I’d get married in college, so glad we didn’t even though I ended up marrying him anyway, but I don’t think choosing yo marry in college or the day after graduation is wrong either. Life is not a race!


Post # 6
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@abeautifulunion:  I am SO GLAD I found this post!! I am 21, a senior in college and I actually had the SAME revelation myself about 2 weeks ago. Previously, I had been bitter and impatient, and I think I just wanted to be engaged so that I could prove that my SO and I were ready for the next step and we really are serious about our relationship. I think the fact that we are constantly surrounded by the hyped-up wedding culture with tv shows, magazines, the fb newsfeed crammed with friends’ e-ring and wedding pics, etc. nowadays, (in addition to my old fashioned grandmothers nagging me about it every second)…we just get caught up in all of it and feel like we NEED to be engaged and get married to feel like our relationships are “complete”. For me, I had been obsessing over weddings ever since I realized my SO was “the one” about 2 years ago. Yes, we talk about the future a LOT, and we have discussed getting engaged, but honestly the last thing I want to do is to make him feel pressured. I am so happy already just being his Girlfriend, and I know that we are going to eventually take our relationship to the next level, but I also know that we are so young and I am just enjoying every second of it! Also, I want to be able to have at least a year to legitimately enjoy being engaged and the whole planning process, and not have to worry about other milestones getting in the way!

Post # 7
5878 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@abeautifulunion:  I could not agree with you more.  100% 

This is how I feel about things for sure.  In fact, it’s why I wanted to wait until after my sisters wedding to get engaged.  We were enjoying that event so much, why not spread out the excitement?  

Post # 8
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think the ‘seasons’ thing is a great way to look at it.

I’ve never considered myself waiting. I love my bf, we have discussed marriage and it will happen when the time is right. Until then there is no point in ‘waiting’ for anything because always looking to the future means your missing out on the present. I soak up every moment of the present I can because I’ll never get this time back.

Post # 9
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

You have a good point here! I graduated in May and have also been wanting to be engaged by the end of the year..but right now we are in the process of negotiating offers for a house, so just that shows his long term commitment to me and helps to not feel as rushed To be engaged NOW 🙂 

Post # 10
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@abeautifulunion:  You’re right! There’s a time & a season for everything. It’s as individual as the person. =) There’s no real rush to get married since he’s not going to disappear if he is really the one for you. Enjoy & do your best in college. I may have to postpone my own wedding since I’m going back to uni, so I know how you feel!

Post # 11
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@abeautifulunion:  My parents got married in their senior year, a few months before graduating university, and they’re still very happily married 35 years later. It was the right decision for them – they got married and then grew up together. My fiance and I got engaged at 27/29 in the middle of nothing much in particular, just every day life. It was the right decision for us – we’ve grown up independently and then settled down. I never considered myself “waiting” because I was happily bumbling around being 27. You’re right to slow down and enjoy being 20!! Life is a series of chapters, and once you’re married that’s the end of your “young and single” chapter, so enjoy it while it lasts 🙂

Post # 12
1186 posts
Bumble bee

@abeautifulunion:  I’m so glad you’re doing it this way! In my opinion, there’s no way I’d ever be able to concentrate on my school work while planning a wedding, lol. Plus I think it’d take away the true joy of getting to enjoy the bliss of graduation!!!!

I asked my sweetheart not even to think about proposing until after I get licensed as a RN. (This week was my first week practicing as a RN btw, lol)

Post # 13
11519 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@abeautifulunion:  FH and I met in my third year of my 1st degree and started dating at the beginning of my fourth year.  He graduated a year and a half after me in the winter of 2006.  He had a really hard time finding a job, and was unemployed for 9 months (well, underemployed).  Then in the spring of 2008, I applied to go back to school and got it so in fall 2008, after FH only working in his field for a year, we picked up and moved across the country.  I graduated a little over a year ago, this last year waiting (the 8th year we were together) was really tough, I felt like we were finally at the place where we both had careers etc.  He FINALLY proposed in March and it was perfect, everything is perfect, I don’t even remember the waiting now.  Everything was exactly as it should have been.

Post # 14
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@abeautifulunion:  I think some people are missing your point. You are speaking for yourself and what works for you. I don’t think you’re commenting on what other people should do at all. You’ve come to a very enlightened concept that is your own, that makes you content and at peace with your life. To that, I say brava!

As to whether I agree, indeed I do! When one has a choice, and I do stress the word choice, to separate things out a little bit, I agree that it allows one the chance to fully experience that event, unhindered, in all its glory, before moving onto the next. Sometimes that choice isn’t there, and so we make the most of the situation, jumbled though it may be. But like you say, when you’re able to make that choice, what a fine thing that can be to focus on one thing at a time. I’m a few years older than you and, looking back, that has been my preference, too.

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