- 7 years ago
i’m a long time lurker who needs some advice.
My fiance and I have been together for 2 years, and engaged for 1. When he proposed, it was nothing too special. I was sort of expecting it, because he kept asking me “Would you marry me if I asked you to?” to which I’d always reply “I don’t know… are you asking me?”. He’d always say no, and we’d carry on. Well, last Thanksgiving, we got into a bad car wreck and were pretty lucky to walk out of it relatively unscathed. The next night, we were laying in bed talking about it, and he asked me about marriage again. He told me he was serious, we cried, yada yada. By Christmas, his dad (an ex-jewler) had given him a ring to give to me.
I wasn’t excited to tell my parents. Fiance had to really push me to do it, and in the end they… were not happy. They’ve both been married several times, and are pretty jaded about the whole thing. They think I’m too young (granted, I’m 21), will immediately get pregnant, and insist that marriage never works out, so why bother? It was a downer. Oh well.
Fast forward a year. Fiance and I have made virtually no progress on planning the wedding. I really wanted to settle into engagement before I even brought it up, but I’m thinking a year wasn’t long enough for him. He doesn’t want to talk about it. If he talks about it at all, his ideas flip flop from day to day.
We’re students, so I know we can’t afford a big ordeal. I’d really love, a small (close friends and family) celebration that resembles a garden party more than a wedding. I’m crafty, my best friend is willing to custom make my dress as a wedding gift, another is willing to gift me his photography skills, and I’ve basically figured out two or three ways to make this happen for a good bit under 3K- which I’m willing to pay for by myself.
Fiance doesn’t want anyone at the ceremony (okay… fine), no photos (…really?… no.), doesn’t want our parents to have to meet (two VERY different families… but still…we’re getting married), and says everything is a waste of money/effort. However, he wants a big reception… which, he’s not understanding IS the part that is all the money/effort. That’s literally all I can get out of him.
I know men don’t care about weddings, but I’d like to do just a tiny bit more than go to the courthouse, eat McDonalds, and play video games.
Do I just tell him I’m giving up on us getting married? It’s so embarrassing to tell his parents- “Oh, I don’t know when we’re getting married. Your son doesn’t care. Oh, no we can’t elope either, ’cause that costs too much according to him”
SO FED UP. What should I do?!