(Closed) I've had too much! Going nuts over his lax/procrastinating

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think you are overreacting, but I do think, for your own stress level, you need a back up plan. Get a tension rod and hang a curtain in the pantry. Replace the ugly curtain over the sliding doors with a pretty one.

Is it possible he is stressed about something else, or the party itself, and these annoying repair jobs are just a but too frustrating to tackle now?

 

Post # 4
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Leemarie:  omg you are not overreacting, he’s being a total lazy dick! I was going to suggest some of the things but I see you’ve already tried everything I ws going to suggest.  Tell him to get off his ass and get it done or else you are cancelling the party and he will need to explain that to HIS daughter.  

Post # 5
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Does he have ADD?

Either way, one thing you could do is make a list of things that need to get done. Put his name next to the things you want him to do. Then put a column with start date and end date. Ask him nicely to let you know when he plans on starting it. If he complains, just let him know that this will stop you from nagging him.

Post # 6
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe he doesn’t really know HOW to fix it and is too ashamed/embarrassed to bring it up?

 

I’d say if you don’t have it fixed by this day (make it one week before the party), I will call a handyman the next day to do it for me.

 

Post # 7
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I wish I had better advice for you. I knew my Fiance was big on procrastinating: on getting engaged, planning anything with the wedding, and since July, finding a house. I understand your frustrations. I take it this is a common problem with him, then, and not just about this one thing? If it’s a personality trait he’s exhibited before, there likely isn’t much you can do. If it’s been mostly focused on this one issue, it’s time to start asking some questions.

Has he been stressed out with work or anything else lately? Does he tend to just vegetate for hours when he gets home? Or has this simply become an escape mechanism for him (i.e., he acts terse and says, “today’s not the day” expecting that you’ll feel empathy and back down)?

The best strategy from the get-go might be trying to show him more empathy (if this is an isolated incident with him). Ask him how everything’s going, if you can help him with anything, etc. Sometimes, extending that courtesy might make him more willing to open up and help you.

I’d try explaining how stressful it is for you trying to make a good impression when something in the house is in obvious disrepair. Maybe reiterate the things around the house you HAVE fixed. As far as household projects go, this one isn’t that complex or that time-consuming. 

Failing that, you may just be looking at a set pattern when it comes to some household stuff. Or, like the others have suggested, he may lack confidence in this arena and by postponing it, he doesn’t have to show it.

My Fiance doesn’t know much of anything about cars, and I know it’s a bit of a sore spot for him. 

Post # 8
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Based on reading your food issues with him, I think he’s just a stubborn, lazy person.  Was he conditioned to be like this (aka did his mom do everything)?

The topic ‘I've had too much! Going nuts over his lax/procrastinating’ is closed to new replies.

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