(Closed) I've heard that life gets harder as you get older, but is that true if you CFBC?

posted 4 years ago in No Kids
  • poll: Does life get easier over time when you're CFBC?
    It gets harder, being CFBC comes with it's own set of problems : (12 votes)
    23 %
    It gets harder, but less than it would without kids : (6 votes)
    11 %
    Easier, but not as much as you would think : (3 votes)
    6 %
    Easier by far, skating through life compared to people with kids : (11 votes)
    21 %
    It all comes down to the choices you make in life : (16 votes)
    30 %
    Other : (5 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    549 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    rao4400 :  I’m 33, my SO is 32. We are CFBC, going so far as to him having a vasectomy this last May. Him and I have wondered the same. If I don’t bring children into the picture, I feel like my relationship, my time, my sanity, and my finances will stay more stable. My life is great now, so I can only imagine it’s going to be great in 30 years…in 50 years.  But, even in 50 years, I imagine there will be things that stress me out; my health, my partners health, the state of the world, the leak in my ceiling. I don’t think stressors will ever go away, but hopefully how I handle the stress will continue to get better as I grow a support system with my future husband, as we build a life, as I grow and mature. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    5158 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2010

    I don’t know what you are looking at for “older”, but I am 37.

    Well, I don’t know if stresses are absent just because you don’t have kids. I don’t think there is a magical age where it all just falls into place though it is nice to dream 😉

    As long as you are living, there are going to be challenges. That is part of life!

    There are lots of things that can be “stressful” even without kids.

    Some of it may be part of what you choose to take on (wedding planning), other parts of it are just the facts of life (like family and friends dying).

    You or your partner may deal with serious illnesses or disability (and eventually, aging and all that brings health wise). I have had my own significant surgeries in the last three years or so to deal with hereditary risks that had potential to cause significant stress and do for some.

    Or you may be seeing/helping your parents through illness, disability, or just aging. I am watching my mother die of terminal cancer now. A childfree friend of mine is dealing with both his mother dying of cancer, and his father needing extra care as he ages and him having to be there to help out. It is very stressful for him.

    Unexpected expenses still arise. You can expect those for the rest of your life. A blown furnace, a car accident, emergency veterinary bills. Sorry, but there is no homefree from that!

    You will likely even when you have a job have stress at work, or maybe face the stress of downsizing, a poor economy, or losing your job. Depending on what you do, there is always also more schooling, training, and so on which can be stressful.

    I don’t really think about if it would be “harder” with kids, either, because I just don’t compare. I am just glad I don’t have kids! However, I am cognizant that having kids would have its own set of stresses – particularly stressing about them.

    I think I do have the maturity and experience to know that “I will get through this” though when I am going through a challenging time, because I have been through it (or worse) before. I don’t consider life “stressful”, though there are stressful moments. It is just life and it has better times and more difficult times. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    9525 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I did all that younger, not older and if kids were involved it would have been impossible. As older I have settled, stop moving, and kids would be an easier prospect if we wanted any. Not sure about life getting harder as you get older, never heard that… it has become much easier!

    Post # 5
    Member
    5089 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I’ve never heard that life gets harder as you get older. I feel like it’s more like the opposite until you’re quite old and start dealing with end of life issues (or you are dealing with health issues earlier). As you get older, I feel like you tend to get more secure financially and emotionally, whether you have kids or not. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    7494 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’ve also never heard of life getting harder as you get older. I mean it obviously gets harder when you’re really old dealing with health issues but before that I don’t know why it would get harder, especially if you don’t have kids.

    If Darling Husband and I continue to our careers at the rate we are, I only see life getting easier. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    rao4400 :  For us personally, I think life has gotten easier as we’ve gotten older. We can trust and count on each other more as a married couple than we could when we were just starting to date, and we fight so much less (less jealousy comes with maturity and more trust). We both make more money as we’ve gotten older, so we have more disposible income and less stress about paying our bills. We’ve also become more confident in our life choices, including being CFBC, which overall makes life easier. Life will always have challenges, but for us it’s gotten better over time.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5025 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I’ve never heard that life becomes more difficult as you get older, with or without children.  In fact, I think many of life stressors are due to uncertainty and experimental stages of life that occur during early adolescents.  I hope to find balance and peace as I age and I think I am well on my way.

    Post # 9
    Member
    6700 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    I can see where life might get more stressful at the age when one’s parents are aging and might need assistance. That often corresponds to high school aged children or college aged children, which might create an emotional and financial drain. But even without the children, the stress of aging parents would still be there.

    Still and all, most people become more financially stable as they age and settle into a career that either isn’t as stressful, or has stress that they are more accustomed to handling. That happens regardless of whether a couple has children or not.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1150 posts
    Bumble bee

    rao4400 :  

    “People say that life only gets harder after you get older”

    Who are these people?  I have literally never heard that life gets harder the older you get.

    The older you get the more hard (or “bad”) things you will have dealt with simply because you’ve had more time on the planet.  At the same time, the older you get the more easy (or “good”) things you will have dealt with simply because you’ve had more time on the planet.

    Some people are more fortunate or lucky than others.  Some people are more resilient than others.  For some people having children might keep them grounded through hard times.  For others not having kids might give them the ability to to take risks that lead to reward or rebound better when the risk doesn’t reward.

    Overall I think the learning curve and accumulated wealth/stability should make weathering the storms easier with age but this is how things *should* be.  Not necessarily how they are.  No one knows what life will throw at them.  There will always be surprise expenses of all sizes.  Short of the catastroppic variety, if unexpected expenses are your biggest complaint any given year then to me it was a pretty good year.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2125 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Yeah I’m in the “never heard of that saying” camp. I don’t think it matters whether you have kids or not – everyone’s life comes with its own set of problems. I might have 6 kids and a super easy life, while my cfbc neighbour struggles with a cheating husband,a leaky home, a dying parent and redundancy – totally hypothetical and I don’t wish that on anyone. We don’t know what cards we will be dealt, and each persons child and child free experience is different too. Plus, no person has been able to live their life as a parent, then go back and do it all exactly the same as a non-parent in order to compare which is harder. 

    TL;DR -ridic, everyone has their own challenges in life. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    9026 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    This sounds like one of those really stupid stereotypes like CFBC people magically have more money because they didn’t have kids.

    Why would anyone assume that one single choice, like not having a child, would magically make life any less stressful overall. Yes you wouldn’t have any child related stress but it doesn’t magically make any other stress in life disappear or easier (family, health, finances, work). And there are plenty of people that have children who have very little stress in their lives.

     

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    1104 posts
    Bumble bee

    i don’t think people literally say “life gets harder as you get older” but i think maybe OP (correct me if i’m wrong) is referencing how older people sometimes have a tendency to counter what a younger person says with “wait till your my age!!!” kind of talk. 

    younger person/older person

    “i’m tired today”/ “wait until you’re 50, i’m always tired!” 

    *sitting and eating pizza*/ “enjoy that now while you’re metabolism is fast!” 

    that kind of thing when piled on could definitely give the impression that life basically just sucks as you get older. when i was in my early 20s i worked in an office with mostly women over 40 and these kind of remarks were constant. whether it was about having a good relationship (wait till you’re together 20 years), eating (you won’t have time to make that when xys), working out (it’s harder to work out when you’re over 40!) , going out with friends, sleeping, dating, money (wait till you have a mortgage), etc. 

    i don’t think this negative sentiment has anything to do with getting older (since obviously not all older people say these things) or even having more responsibility or kids. i think it has to do with what i call CHRONIC COMPLAINING DISEASE. when people aren’t happy with where they are in life, and they’re the whining type, they will blame their situation on anything but themselves. people like that probably complained all through their teens and 20s and 30s too. 

    my life keeps getting better! i have more money now, more security, a tighter circle of friends, i don’t waste time doing stuff i don’t want to do, i take better care of myself, and my job is wayyyy easier/better. i live in my dream city and i’m finally starting to travel the world like i always wanted. i think being truly elderly and dealing with your body breaking down is probably not the most fun time of life for most people, but just getting older in general…no way!

    people also use age as an excuse for not doing things or getting super out of shape. like they’ll say, “oh i could have done that at your age but not now!” menwhile there ARE people their age running marathons, trying new things, learning, etc. my mom started in beginner yoga at 40 and people thought she was crazy for being sooooo old and starting something new. now she’s been doing yoga for 24 years. she also joined the red cross and went overseas to volunteer at age 60. my grandma went skydiving for the first time in her life at 80! 

    don’t listen to people who are negative or just whiney-pants. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    6290 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2014

    rao4400 :  what do you mean by ‘older’? When I think ‘old’, I think 70/75+. At (very nearly) 30, I consider myself young. 

    I guess it also depends on what you mean by hard? More responsibility? Bigger financial commitments? Ill health? 

    Personally I tend to think that in most cases, where all else is equal, the childfree probably do have it easier: if you compared a childfree couple with the same income/health/etc as a couple with children, the childfree couple is likely to have more disposable income, more free time, more freedom, the ability to cultivate more adult relationships, etc. I look at people with kids and wouldn’t trade it for anything, and I think as I get older, it gets easier, if anything; my salary has increased, for a start. My interests have broadened and I’m able to pursue them. Etc. 

    If you’re talking actual old age, well, I’m cautiously optimistic. The childfree elderly people I know seem to be surrounded by way more people, and way more cared for than those with children (who have their own families, for example). I also know we’ll have the money to afford care, if necessary. I also think we’ll be healthier, having avoided a major cause of stress, but also because we have the time and money to eat well, go to the gym regularly, pursue our interests (which is good for emotional health), etc. 

    Obviously this is my totally biased view. That said, studies do show that the childfree tend to be happier and suffer less stress than those with children, and also tend to be happier with their partner and less likely to argue. They often liken it to a roller coaster: parents have higher peaks than the childfree, but deeper and longer troughs. I’m sure parents would disagree, but for me, I can’t think of anything that would do more damage to my long-term well-being than having children. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    6290 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Also, another thing I’ve noticed is that I look so much younger than the people I know who are my age or similar (like, 5 years older) who have kids. I can still pass for 20-ish (at a push); some of them look a good 5 years older than they are. And they didn’t look older before they had children… 

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