(Closed) I've held my tongue quite a bit, but this is ridiculous

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Deep breaths and big hugs. It sounds like your friend group is at that transition point where things are less about school and the automatic friend time that a school schedule allows, and more about work and the responsibilities of being full-blown adults. It can be a tough time period to navigate as priorities shift, free time changes, etc. It’s totally normal. Frustrating, but normal.

I wish I could tell you that it gets easier to schedule things, but it doesn’t. Soon SOs and kids will be added to the mix, and each of you will be stretched even more thinly. I’m not saying this to be a downer. Rather, I’m saying this to encourage you to embrace the changes rather than fight them. Be greatful for the convenience of FB messages. Work with and within this changing dynamic, and you will have a leg up on the process as things/schedules get even crazier over the next 10 years.

Try to remember that their busy-ness is not a reflection on you or your friendship. It’s just life, moving faster and faster with each passing year. They still love you. They are still your girls. They are just struggling with the changes and making do as best they can, just like you.

Post # 3
3687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Couldn’t you just send an email with all of the necessary information? It sounds like everyone involved is pretty busy, and getting everybody together for multiple bridesmaid meetings may not be possible.

Post # 4
46877 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The greater the number of people you try to get together in one spot, the less likely it is that they will all be able to make it.

Most wedding communication does not need everyone present in the same room, no matter what idyllic vision the bride has. Send them an email, start a facebook group- there are lots of other ways to share wedding information.

Think of the brdes whose bridal party lives all across the country. Somehow they manage to communicate without being all in the same room.

Post # 8
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Your wedding isn’t the most important event in your bridesmaids’ lives.  They have exams and papers, they need to be worried about graduating and finding jobs.  They love you- but that 25 page term paper isn’t going to write itself and they might genuinely not have 5 hours to chill and drink wine.  This is your wedding- you don’t need strategy meetings, just send them some e-mails with instructions.    

Post # 9
83 posts
Worker bee

Did you let them know what would be asked of them when you asked them to be bridesmaids? Not all brides have the same needs, so unless you told them, they may be unaware. What is is that you need to meet with them about? Maybe us bees can help you figure some things out in the meantime.

Post # 10
7287 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have a small group of friends that tries to get together occasionally and it’s amazing how difficult it is to sink up five schedules. We also all have had things come up at work or at home and have had to cancel- it’s life. I don’t understand why a phone call won’t suffice.

Are these BMs friends with each other and do they hang out outside of being a part of your bridal party? 

Post # 13
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Sorry, I’m in agreement with PPs. My situation was similar in size and distance as yours, and I think we got together twice ever. Facebook private group messages, group texts, and emails were my go to. It’s not unreasonable to want to get together, and it’s not cool if they RSVP then bail. But sometimes it’s just not possible. You have to remember people are busy and to not take it personally. I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man not even come to my shower because she was busy, but I knew she took time off work to come to the rehearsal dinner and wedding so I didn’t press her about it. You have to pick your battles.

ETA: if it’s something important like picking a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress style, let them know ahead of time and pick a day that works for everyone! That way if they RSVP then bail, too bad they don’t get input and you can carry on planning.  

Post # 14
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

ok I might be at the other end of the spectrum but what the heck to do you have to communicate that needs get-togethers, dinners, etc that can’t be communicated in emails/texts? What are you expecting from them? I don’t get it. The ONLY thing a bridesmaid/MOH is really required to do is show up on time on the wedding day in the dress that is agreed upon. That is IT. Everything else is optional and an added bonus. 

Maybe you can just have girls nights out and talk to who you can and then try and get with the rest when you can to communicate whatever needs to be said to the others the best way fit. 

I don’t get the need for dinners/get togethers and yes, I think you are asking too much. The wedding is ONLY most important to you, not them. You might want to lower your expectations. Sorry.

Post # 15
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

You may need to just accept that any communication will have to be done by phone, text or e-mail. I’m a bridesmaid for a wedding in June and the only time we got ogether was the afternoon we went dress shopping. The other bridesmaids and I have been Facebook messaging while planning the shower and Bach party. What kind of logistics do you need help with?

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