- 7 years ago
Let me preface this by saying that you guys don’t know me on a personal level, so I understand if there aren’t a lot of responses. But, I feel that I need to make this known, somewhere – anywhere – and Facebook isn’t the place to do it probably because it is personal, as backwards as that sounds.
So, in an update to this post (http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/nwr-emotional-dont-even-know-how-to-title), I spoke to my paternal Aunt again last night.
Quick recap – I haven’t had a relationship with my father or his side of the family for the last 20 years of my life, and for the last year I have been corresponding with his sister. I’ve learned that my mom’s truth (when I say “truth” I mean her perception of what happened) is not their families truth, and in fact is much different. I still have yet to speak to my father, but I feel it drawing closer.
Anywho, last night on the way home I finally had an epiphany. I’ve been trying to mesh my mom’s “truth” and my aunt’s “truth” together in an attempt to find the unbiased truth of why they haven’t been around for 20 years. Last night, it dawned on me. So I called my aunt and we talked about it.
But in that conversation, I told her something that I have wanted to tell my father, and his family, my entire life. A statement that I thought I would never get to say out loud, and it wasn’t until emailing my friend this afternoon that the weight of it all sunk in. She brought up the word “damage” and how it pertains to their side of the family not knowing how “damaged” I may be, having been raised by a single mother late in her teenage years. The fact is, I don’t have any complaints about how my mother raised me. I’m successful, smart, and well-loved by my friends and mom’s side of the family and (this is where I said what I’ve wanted to say my entire life) “the most damaging thing about my life to date is not having [father’s name] in my life”.
And that’s it. Doesn’t matter the how/why/whatever, that’s the truth. Whatever issues they have with my mother, the “damage” has been done by their family, their absense. Not by my mother. All their worries and fears that they pressed on my mother back then – that she’d never find a man to love me as his own, or she’d never be successful in life or as a mother – they were wrong, and they ultimately sentenced themselves to the same very thing they were so worried she would do.
It’s funny how life works out.
Thanks all for listening.