I've lost control of my wedding

posted 4 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2231 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow, she hasn’t spoken to her old friend in 11 years, and the first thing she does is call screaming over her granddaughter not being invited? And this is a friendship your Future Mother-In-Law wants to rekindle? OK then.

 

I know you and your Fiance are worried about his mother’s feelings, but I’m more concerned your Future Mother-In-Law even wants to accommodate such a rude request (and way of going about request). Is she really desperate to be close to this woman again or something?

Post # 3
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

gunnabamissus :  It amazes me how rude people become about weddings. It’s like people get an invitation and they think it’s an excuse to be assholes.

 

I’m sorry Bee. *hug* just focus on you and your husband on your big day, it’s not about anyone else.

 

Those kids will likely be too busy picking their noses and sleeping to pay attention anyway.

 

I dont understand people who think they’re entitled to bringing their kids. My DAD got married and I was the Jr. Bridesmaid, then they sent the kids to a hotel room with video games and soda for the reception. And that was my father. How anyone thinks their kids deserve to come to someone else’s wedding when they aren’t related, is ridiculous.

Post # 7
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Oh Bee, I know exactly how you feel!

I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that people can be so selfish and shitty when it comes to weddings! I got calls as well to include even babysitters on the guest list. I was outraged, do they think money grows on a tree?! Then we opted to say ok, but we reached the top of our guest list, if you want to bring someone along, you’ll have to pay the difference. Stopped a lot of them. lol

There was even an aunt that was so upset about something that my husband said while giving them the invitations, that she said, she won’t come and then her mother (husbands grandmum) wouldn’t come either, as she has to attend her. My husband just said, ah ok, but don’t worry about grandmum, my dad can take care of her. So she stood up and left. I were not going to beg anyone to come to our wedding. We did our part and invited her, but we were not going to engage in childish behavior. Our wedding was to be celebrated with persons that are happy to be there. Point. (and guess who showed up on the wedding day?)

I know that it really depends on family dynamics and this could not have happened in every family without causing a major problem. I just wanted to say that I totally understand you and that in the end I/we had to give in to so many things and I literally had to write the things down that were still made my way in order to still see that I had a say in my wedding hahaha.

What helped me was to rant to my then-fiancé and to my family, to breath and to put things into perspective. As to how much will those things really affect my happiness on the day of the wedding? Is it really such a big deal? In an ideal world, we wouldn’t have to do this and everyone would just keep quiet and be happy to even be able to share this day with you, but sadly it isn’t. I don’t know how good your relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law is, but maybe you could tell her that it makes you sad that people just try to decide over your head and are getting so nasty and she could talk to them?

Post # 8
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Is there a reason why your Fiance isn’t the one putting his foot down with his mother? This isn’t your stance alone and he needs to handle this. This “family friend” is being incredibly entitled and rude. She doesn’t get to throw a temper tantrum and get her way for a party she is not paying for. Fuck that noise.

ETA: I see your Future Mother-In-Law has been pushing for things since the beginning [insiting on a Saturday wedding] You Fiance needs to be the one setting boundaries with his mother not you. I am 100% sure this will not be the last time she tries to strong arm her way into your decisions.

Post # 9
Member
2231 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

gunnabamissus :  OK, I read that as no one had talked to them for 11 years. But even so- I would be so taken aback to get a phone call even from a good friend of mine screaming at me because my son hadn’t invited her granddaughter that he’d never met to his adults only wedding. And my response wouldn’t be to immediately call my son and future daughter in law to get the grandaughter invited.

 

Is she normally such a pushover? Her friend sounds like a complete bully.

Post # 11
Member
11821 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

“I’m sorry. We are only inviting a couple of close family member children. It would not be fair to our other friends and family friends to make an exception for your grandchild. If you can’t attend, we’ll miss you.” 

Post # 12
Member
1910 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Absolutely not. You do have a choice in this and so does your Future Mother-In-Law. You can absolutely say no and if the woman really has no one attend, that is her own fault. No way anyone in my family would put up with something like this. And you shouldn’t either. Your fiance needs to absolutely put his foot down. It’s not like they see them all the time. If these people want to throw a fit, let them. Plus if they don’t come, then you also won the battle of having them invited in the first place! 

Post # 13
Member
930 posts
Busy bee

gunnabamissus : 

“Only invitees are invited. No kids other than the exceptions made per rightful reason. We hope you attend this beautiful day with us, if not, we understand your absence.”

Im not saying to say that but have those thoughts in your head. You are in control. You are just letting others ease there way in when all you have to do is say no. Put your foot down, and if they object (which they will), then just be blunt with them. Everyone will feel entitled to an invite but truth of the matter is they are not.

Post # 14
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

It happened because you let it happen. You know your Mil will be utterly heartbroken if you take that stance…umm what about you? Stop putting people before you. It’s your wedding. You invited the friend, and no the grandchild is NOT invited period. So what if she throws a fit and screams and yell’s. Don’t you think you sacrificed enough? Put your damn foot down and say NO, that’s it. 

Post # 15
Member
1378 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with PPs: Ultimately, this is happening because you and your fiance have allowed it to happen. Yes, everyone else in this situation is being terrible, BUT that doesn’t have to matter unless YOU let it matter. I know it SEEMS like people being upset means you HAVE to do what they want, but it doesn’t. It was your choice to allow their feelings to alter your behavior. You can say no to people who are upset–people do it all the time. 

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