- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2010
Ok girls, I’ll try to keep this as short as possible but I have a feeling this will be long.
I have been friends with this girl; let’s call her Sue, since we were very young. I was homeschooled until high school—and then I attended the same school as Sue. We didn’t hang out all the time during the year but I considered her one of my closest friends, and we were also both mutual friends with this girl named Jane. The high school we attended together was a private Christian school and Sue was a youth group leader, as well as someone that took her religion seriously. She was often the person out of the three of us that would tell us to straighten up if she didn’t agree with what we were doing (having sex with our boyfriend, etc). It was a little irritating but I just dealt with it.
It’s been three years since we graduated and while I don’t hang out with her very often, still I’m close enough to know who she is. I had a rough time with my family so I completely get it and while I don’t know everything I know she’s been given the world and the choices she’s been making lately are making my head spin.
For the last six months she’s been dating this toxic guy who has a suspended license, a criminal record, is involved in drugs, and has problems with alcohol. It is apparent to Jane and I that he doesn’t care about her as much as he “says”. For some reason she decided she wanted to move out and in with him, even though the two of them have been having plenty of issues.
Fine, whatever, but then she decided she didn’t have enough money set aside to do so and took it upon herself to move in with some guy she says she considers him to be her “brother” and that her and boyfriend moved in there. According to Jane, the two of them (bf and Sue) live in the basement of her “brother”. There is a sheet over the door and she has admitted that they openly have sex in bed while other people are in the room watching TV. Jane went over to her house and said that the smoke from pot was so strong she felt she could get high from just being in the same space. She also said that one time Sue texted Jane and said that her boyfriend had just given her a green pill and she took it without knowing what it was because he said, “it was the mildest form”. This scares me because I also know that not too long before that her boyfriend said to Jane, “dude, there is a pill I really want to take that slows your heart rate down so much people think you are dead for two days and then you wake up.”
I know her well enough to know that this is not who she is. She’s a good woman who is getting caught up in the wrong shit. This guy is not good for her and is influencing her in all of these drugs, and she drinks frequently. I know being an adult is stressful but this isn’t the way to go about it. Anyways, Jane and I have been talking about this situation for a while and we’ve come to the conclusion we need to try to help her out. I didn’t want her to think I was ignoring her as I haven’t talked to her in a long time so I texted her last night and said, “I just wanted to tell you that if it feels like me and Jane are ever upset at you it’s because we are worried for you and want to get you back on the right track. We know who you really are and know this is not you. It just hurts me to know you have been given the world and you choose to this. I love you.” She apparently texted Jane after and freaked out saying I was yelling at her. Today she texted me about what I said and I told her if she wanted to talk about this I would be more than willing to meet up with her. She then brought up all these different things about how I said x,y,z in the past but that’s not the point and I told her that. I told her I was concerned and she’s not getting it.
I know you can’t help someone who is unwilling to help themselves. But I am scared she’s throwing her life away simply because she doesn’t know how to handle it’s challenges. I probably shouldn’t judge but I’m petrified she’ll get involved with the police if they found out she is using and I know she has so much potential but she is throwing it all away.
Should I just leave well enough alone, or try to meet her up and talk some more. I am so anxious about this. My heart is bigger than my head sometimes. I’ve never dealt with this before. Please, anything. I’m sorry for it being so long.