- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2015
Hi bees! I love reading through these forums, through all the words of encouragement, for all the different things each of us experience, and providing those same vibes back to others; it helps me stay excited about my own day but take my mind off of some of my stress… but I’m finally at a standstill in my planning and I feel like I’m stressed to the max. This community is so welcoming I thought some of you may have some advice.
I had a breakdown today… My fiancé had me in tears because of other things in our lives currently stressing us out and out came all of the other emotions surrounding my job, my wedding planning… Let me give you some background. I work two jobs (I manage a retail store full time, which this time of year requires 52 hours per week with no overtime pay – the joys of salary – and I’m also a cocktail waitress late nights, part time to help cover wedding costs and pay off some prior financial irresponsibility). My fi is constantly on me about trying to clean around the house more often so he doesn’t have to do all of the work… He also works full time, but really, he gets paid full time and works about 4-5 hours per day at ONE job… I come home exhausted.
We have nine people in each side of our wedding party for personal reasons (we couldn’t leave anyone out due to family drama). He still needs to ask his last four groomsmen and I cordially mention it to him or ask for updates every few days.
Everyone keeps telling me to do what I want, it’s my day.
Until I try to make a decision. Then it’s, “Are you sure that’s what you want?” … “Why does your wedding have to be so expensive?” … “Why do our bridesmaids dresses have to be ordered online?” … “Why is the venue two hours away?” I’m not trying to spend a lot of money or be unreasonable in anything I’ve tried to decide on so far.
But I’m at this point where we’ve booked a date. We’ve booked a venue. And I’ve bought a dress.
Now, I’m unsure if we picked the date we did to spite others in his family, picked the venue we did because we actually loved it (it was our second choice due to $$$), or if the dress I’ve bought is the dress I want…
My parents paid for my dress that is unreturnable. When I received it in the mail and tried it on for the first time last week, I loved it. Absolutely loved it. It was stunning… And then I tried to find shoes to go with it. A veil. Jewelry. And I didn’t love it anymore because I couldn’t find anything I liked that matched.
Maybe a white wedding dress isn’t for me. Maybe a traditional wedding dress isn’t for me. Originally, I had been looking at cream and gold tone dresses or maybe a sheer black overlay on nude… My theme is a modern speakeasy: I’m pulling inspiration from the 1920’s-30’s flapper/Prohibition/Old Hollywood era. Maybe the dress I ordered is TOO modern. So I started looking at a bunch of dresses I’d favorited again this morning. How do I tell my parents that the dress I was head over heels for last week may not be right? Even when I put it on, I loved it but I didn’t feel like it was “it.” I fell in love with another gown today that is MORE unique and I’ve had three bridesmaids tell me that it IS more ME, even though we haven’t seen it on me yet. I can also already envision the whole day around this dress – me in it and all the accessories to go with it. And when I told my fi today that the dress I got in might not be THE dress because I’m not sure if I want something traditionally wedding or white, he told me it was a maturity thing and to grow up. If I was more mature, I’d let it go and it wouldn’t matter and I’d realize it’s a wedding and it should be traditional. I just looked at him and blinked before saying, “What about me in seven years has ever been traditional?”
And why can’t I stop second-guessing my venue? And the date that has zero importance to us in our 7 year long relationship?
I’ve never felt this emotional or anxious about having to make decisions before. Decisions in a wedding just tend to be so expensive and if you make a mistake, there’s regret and you’ll have to live with it forever…
I don’t know if it’s the “I-work-in-retail-and-Christmas-is-next-week” stress or the “I-work-two-jobs-and-I-don’t-have-time-for-anything” stress… or that my fi can’t even call up 4 of his best friends to ask them a simple question they’ve all been waiting on… I guess I’m just feeling down and I thought maybe some of you guys would have words of encouragement that could help… Maybe I just needed to type this all out and just get it out of my system before I realize everything will be A-OK.
- This topic was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by nessa.ana.