- 5 years ago
I’m playing with my new iPad as I type thing, so apologises for any strange spelling things.
I’ve never wanted to get married. Always said it would make it harder to break up, but that was with my drop beat ex… Fast forward, dating my fella, moves in, he proposes. We both want it. Both see each other in together forever, you know all that lovey dovey stuff. Everyone is ecstatic. We make a date, book DJ and celebrant and talk to his cousin for being the photographer. We are making the day our own, both sides are excited with all the nerdy crap we are doing. So I should be excited, right? Yeaaaah, not really. I go from being excited to plan and talk about the day to dreading it.
Stupid really, when I want to marry my fella. Love him to pieces. We are practically the same. It’s the best! But I keep freaking out about the day. We are having a small shindig ~55 people at the moment. We have the whole thing plus our honeymoon paid for. I feel sick that our families are throwing money at us. It makes me nervous to think of what they are spending. Even though we aren’t going over the top and its small, I just don’t even know what to do.
Ive been very very stressed out with work lately. Couple of 12 hour days, high stress environment plus trying to learn my new roles. I got a big promotion. It’s great. Just been bowled under with other issues. I’m not sleeping well and I’ve been grumpy. So snapping at each other has been happening a bit. We don’t fight at all. Came out and said, lets cancel what we have planned, registry office and dinner with our family afterwards. He likes what we have a originally planned. I do too! But the whole wedding with that many people staring at me, looking us being affectionate makes me feel yuck.
I want to get married to him. No doubt in my mind. I’m just tired, grumpy and just ranting. I know it’ll be an awesome day and I just need to get over this.
Sorry for it being so long! Also hope I’m making sense. Probably not as I’m sleepy as balls.