(Closed) “I’ve only ever been with one person” – well, whoop de doo.

posted 8 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: What's your situation?

    I have only ever had sex with one person and I am proud of that.

    I have only ever had sex with one person but I don't care/never mention it.

    I have only ever had sex with one person but I wish I'd experienced other partners.

    I have had sex with more than one person and I am happy that I did.

    I have had sex with more than one person but I wish I had only been with one.

    I have had sex with more than one person but I don't think it had any effect on shaping who I am.

    My choice was partly based on my religious/moral beliefs.

    Added: I've had sex with more than one person and it has had helped to shape who I am.

  • Post # 332
    Member
    5983 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1999

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    @Firie:  “Vaginity”  – LOVE that term!  ;o)

    Post # 333
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Juliepants,

    Excellent Post! VERY interesting discussion.

    I haven’t had the opportunity to read the entire post yet, it is extremely long.

    BUT, this is what I love about the bees, good ole honesty at its finest Wink.

    Love it!

    Post # 334
    Member
    10635 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

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    @Firie:  I just want to point out that living together and having sex are 2 different, separate things.

    Otherwise I have no issue with what you said!

    Post # 335
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee

    My husband and i waited for each other for religious reasons but i never told people when we were dating until the conversation pushed it, like when people would say “arent you worried you’ll get pregnant?” thats usually when it came out.  Otherwise we would just keep it to ourselves out of privacy and respect.

    Post # 336
    Member
    1309 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

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    @teabiscuit:  This is OT but… the thing is that if you ever study Judaism in-depth, you’ll learn about the various types of laws there were. The prohibitions against shellfish and so forth were meant to apply only to Jews themselves, while moral laws (like those against theft) obviously could applied to the entire community. Circumcision is another example.

    Murder, sex outside of marriage, and consuming pork are all condemned in different parts of the bible. If you are going to be OK with premarital sex and eating pork, does that mean you have to be OK with murder too? Of course not.

    Similarly just because you are throwing out the rule against eating shellfish, does not mean you also have to throw out the rules about sex and murder.

    Ask any Jew who does not keep kosher, if that means the rest of the moral guidelines have no meaning to them. Or rather, don’t ask because that is a very offensive assumption! There is a big difference between ritual law and moral law.

    Not to mention in the case of a Christian, depending on the type of Christian, they may believe that the New Law has superseded the Old Law and the Old Testament regulations basically no longer are in force.

    The cliche What About the Shellfish argument that people make on the Internet is one of my pet peeves because it indicates an effort hasn’t been made to understand the rich complexities in Judaism or Christainity (or Islam for that matter too). Please please please don’t use the What About the Shellfish argument. It doesn’t make the point that you want it to make. /end off topic post

    Post # 337
    Member
    1331 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I waited, and I am proud. I waited for religious reasons, and DH waited for personal/religious reasons. Yes, the first time was awkward, and not that pleasurable, but I was vulnerable in a way I would only want my husband to see. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, that I wanted to share with my husband. Everything isn’t about fun. It was just one more thing we were going to have to learn to do together.

    I’m not smug. Most (all) of my friends have lost their virginity and are unmarried. If I judged, I wouldn’t have any friends. Haha. To each his own, but I’m proud because we reached our goal. But I don’t bring it up unless someone else asks, and that isn’t often.

    Post # 338
    Member
    1024 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

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    @Magdalena:  I have studied Christianity, maybe not in depth, but I went to a Catholic  elementary and highschool with lots of bible studies classes and I have read up on it because of my own interest. Thank you for the elaboration in your post, I was just using some examples to prove a point that the Bible is a lot more complex and there are many interpretations, therefore most people do not follow it completely or dissagree about what is required.  

    The post was only geared towards red_pepper_gal because she said that she judges other Christians when they do not follow all of the rules as part of the religion. I just felt that this was extremely judgemental because other people may not follow rules that she deems important but she probably does not follow some rules that others find important, therefore she has no right to judge others for their choices or suggest that they are lesser Christians. 

    Post # 339
    Member
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I’ve only been with one person. I guess I’m proud of it. It’s not for religious reasons though and it doesn’t mean I’m not curious, but I definitely don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. It’s just because my family is traditional. I’m also not the kind of person to have sex due to raging hormones or curiosity, as I imagine often happens with teenagers? I was very apprehensive of relationships in high school and I was paranoid about stds. I guess the pride sort of stems from not being “easy,” like some girls I knew.

    Post # 340
    Member
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’m 28 and I’m still a virgin (for another few months anyway) so I picked 1 and proud of it only because there is no 0 option and it WILL only be one hehe.  I think you need to keep in mind just because someone is proud of something doesn’t mean it reflects on you and your choices.  You can be proud of them FOR them as well, without feeling threatened, because everyone has their own paths in life.  My sister has been with 2 her whole life and says that when I express pride in the fact that I’ve been able to wait until I was married it makes her feel like a whore, but I tell her she shouldn’t feel that way, because we each have our own path and what works for each of us is different.  She is ok with herself now and can even be proud of me for my choices now. 

     

    I’ve found a lot of women have problems with dealing with another womans pride in their accomplishments.  We should all be happy for each other instead of trying to tear each other down.  I know you aren’t trying to be mean 🙂 but instead you want to understand, so maybe try looking at it from that point of view. 

     

    To answer the rest of the questions, I had 3 boyfriends in HS and one serious boyfriend before my fiance after high school, whom I lived with for 5 years.  I never had sex with any of them because I made a rule for myself, and even though it was hard to stick to it (I’m not dead below the waist after all! XD) I am now engaged to my fiance and I will be able to give him my virginity.  I think that is something, especially in this day and age, to be proud of.  I don’t condone other women for their choices because it is very much a personal thing, but at the same time I don’t feel that I should be insulted or ridiculed for my choices either (which I realise you are trying hard not to do and thank you for it!) and I believe even if people don’t agree with the choice that I’ve made I hope they can also recognise my pride in it and be proud of me too!  Hope this helps you understand a bit more what some of those other ladies are probably feeling like too 🙂

     

    (BTW I met my fiance when I was 26 and he was 22 🙂 )

    Post # 341
    Member
    168 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Can we exclude anyone who met their FH before the age of 18? That really isn’t the same as “choosing to wait” like someone who doesn’t get married until late 20s/early  30s.

    Post # 342
    Member
    726 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I’ve only been with one person before, because nobody had ever wanted to be with me before i met my Fiance. (Which I did when I was nineteen.) In my case, I definitely don’t think that only having been with one person is something to ‘be proud of’ … it’s just the way that it worked out for me … and I’m fine with that. 

    Post # 343
    Member
    10635 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

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    @shady_lane:  Just because they met their husband young doesn’t mean they didn’t wait until they were older though.

    Post # 344
    Member
    5654 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    @red_pepper_gal: Yes, sex before marriage is a sin, but please remember that you are not blameless. You are a sinner just like everyone else. We all fall short. Some people fall short in different ways, struggle with different things, are rebellious for different reasons, but we all sin. Nobody follows Christ perfectly. Only God is a righteous judge, and he forgives those who believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

    Matthew 7:3

    Post # 345
    Member
    168 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

     

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    @DeathByDesign:  I have a question for you. As a Christian, where is the distinction between civil and religious marriage? If I get married by a justice of the peace and have sex afterwards, is that more OK than cohabiting with the same person for the rest of your life? Because neither is a Christian marriage. I grew up in an evangelical church and never understood this so would like to hear your view. I don’t think get why God respects the authority of the state of New Jersey more than he respects the deep love and commitment between partners.

    Post # 346
    Member
    168 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

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    @AB Bride:  True, but that’s not the case for everyone. Additionally losing virginity at 18 after dating from 15 isn’t really waiting – plenty of people don’t have sex until that age or older simply due to circumstance, focusing on school, etc.

    The topic ‘“I’ve only ever been with one person” – well, whoop de doo.’ is closed to new replies.

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