Post # 47
I was 28 when I met my fiancé and had been with 4 guys previous to him. He was a man whore and says he really doesn’t know how many girls he’s been with. I’m happy that I was experienced when we met because with his whoreish past, I’d have felt really awkward not knowing what I was doing.
Post # 48
Im 30, and have slept with quite a few people…some were relationships, some were one night stands, some were casual hook-ups/’friends’ with benefits. It is not a number I am proud to shout to just anyone, but I am not shy about my past either. I learned, thru many of those experiences, what I want/do not want in the bedroom. I learned, thru some of those experiences, how heightened sex is with someone whom loves you and respects you. If I had not broken up with my ‘first’ – the one I saved myself for (at the ripe age of 17, lol) – someone whom did love/respect me (as that is how I was taught sex should be about!), then my story may not be the same 🙂 I may have only been with ONE person, and been completely happy with him.
The thing is, that romantic story ended, we moved on, etc. It was not until mid-20’s where sex became something I wanted/needed without the strings attached, which was not somewhere I thought I would be, but for me, am glad I was at the same time. I would be lying if I said I was sorry about it, bc I had A LOT of fun – safely, mind you 🙂
After my crazy, full on ‘single’ years, I met my current SO, and although we had sex the first night we met, never stopped since. As we grew in the partnership, and as we fell in love with each other, sex got better too!!
It is weird, bc I cannot say I am a super confident person in my day-to-day life, but I find myself MOST confident in bed – when you are the MOST ‘out there’. I love that about myself though, and so does my SO, certainly…and I wonder if that is bc of years of practice?!?!
Post # 49
I know I have written this a couple of times lately because threads specifically asked about it (so I’m hoping this wasn’t written about me, haha) so I’ll respond.
I can’t say I’ve ever written it with any kind of smugness — and I certainly hope I’ve not come across that way (and I apologize if I have). I’ll be honest that it’s a big deal to me for personal and religious reasons that my husband and I waited for each other/for marriage. I admit that it’s a really special thing to my husband and me. Not because we’re better than anyone else but because of this shared personal and religious value.
That said, I’ve never once thought less of someone for not only being with one person. I think the way I usually word it is that only being with each other is what’s “right” for us, not what’s “right” in general.
After reading the responses on this thread, I’m actually pretty uncomfortable even commenting because of the association that only ever having been with my husband and only within marriage is a mark of immaturity or pride. I guess I’m just not understanding that association because to me, it’s such a very personal thing, and I don’t think that my beliefs/experiences should reflect positively or negatively upon anyone else’s. And I would never want it to come across that way — I only talk about it because it’s a fact and a topic often brought up in threads on WB.
Post # 50
Darling Husband wasn’t my first, and I guess I’m glad. If I hadn’t slept with my ex, I wouldn’t know what bad sex was haha.
I do understand where you’re coming from with the smugness, but I feel like it’s not only people who have only been with their FIs or DHs. I also feel like it comes from those who are like, “We have sex twice a day every day!! And that’s not enough for me! OMG…how can anyone stand to do it less?”
Seriously? Where do you find the time? I see Darling Husband for 4 hours a day when we’re awake, and an hour of that is eating dinner! To those people I also want to say, “whoopdee frickin do…”
Post # 51
I have only had sex with one person and that is my Fiance and I am proud of it. I planned on not doing it until after marriage but the timing just felt right a few months ago. I’m proud because I feel like if I were to be with multiple people over the course of my life when I did get married I would compare my husband to previous relationships I’ve had.
A bigger reason I didn’t want to do the deed was I wanted to know 100% that who ever I was with would love me for me and not for sex. I am proud I didn’t give in to peer pressure when all my friends were giving me such a hard time for not having sex and claiming I couldn’t graduate highschool with out doing it at least once.
I don’t think I’m better than anyone for only have been with one person and I don’t think negatively of anyone based on how many people they have been with. I told myself I would wait and thats what I did (sort of). I wouldn’t say I brag about but am happy with the choice I made. I usually try to keep it to myself because usually if people know I’ve only been with one person they give me weird looks.
We met in high school we were both 17 and we are now 23, I’m soon to be 24 in 2 weeks. I really never thought of marriage and honestly thought my relationship with my Fiance wouldn’t last since we were both moving away from eachother to go to college but it just happened to work out.
Post # 52
I “met” and started dating my Fiance when we were 13 (not even in high school yet), I had several boyfriend prior to that – but we broke up after 3 months. I didn’t know it then but I know it now that I was the only girl he ever loved – however, I was also the only Girlfriend he never slept with. Fast forward 10 years, I’ve lost my virginity (at about 20 and slept with about 4 guys in the next three years) and I run back into that old boyfriend. Fast forward another two years and we’re getting married – so for me he’s good ol’ number 5 and I must say I don’t know that the same break up wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t had the terrible experiences, the good experiences of all the dates I had in between. I know that he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, because I’ve been out there and I know he is the right man for me!
Post # 53
@Gemstone: I don’t think it’s always a sign of immaturity or pride, but I’ve seen women who had partners prior to marriage called “A dime a dozen” on the boards before, “We wanted it to be special, not just another thing” etc. which could be where some of it comes from.
At the same time, I’m not particularly interested or impressed by the women who are constantly talking about how hot n’ horny their sex life is either haha! “OMG I could do him all day every day if I had my way” good for you!
Post # 54
“I’ve had sex with more than one person….”
I can’t honestly say that I am “happy” I did…but when I did do it, it was my choice and it was fun at the time!! 🙂 It sure taught me a wholeeee lot that I was clueless about before. I don’t regret anything I did because I always thought hard before making any choice. Anything I did before was special to me at that point..
I completely agree with you @Juliepants: and @blueskye: on everything you guys said. Whenever I have the unfortunate luck of hearing one of those girls that brags about their one experience with the one man….I just want to like…I don’t know, tell them something snarky about what they are missing or something haha. But that’s not nice, so I don’t. My best friend met her now husband when she was 14 so they were each others’ everything. Needless to say she never expressed that she feels superior to anyone just because of it, she just states it in just how things happened. He was her first, they fell in love. Period.
Everyone makes their own choices in life, and unless you are being grilled about them by some FBI agent who needs the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in excrutiating detail….I don’t need to know 😛
Anyhoo. Happy Friday bees!
Post # 55
@KatyElle: The “we wanted it to be special” is what sends it home for me in the smug-ness department. Just because Fiance isn’t the only one I’ve had sex with doesn’t mean that our intimacy is any less special. In some ways, I almost feel like I appreciate it even more but that’s just me.
Post # 56
@KatyElle: Thanks, that makes sense! I guess it’s just always been a really personal thing with me. I don’t really even ever mention it to my friends, aside from my best friend who likes to pry. 😉
And in that same token, I understand that it’s not actually the “popular” choice, so I think that’s what surprised me that it can be associated with pride — bragging about something that isn’t really deemed to be “cool,” haha.
Post # 57
@Gemstone: THIS ^^^
I agree and think that (if I can gently explain my opinion here) that if there is a sore spot or pain in your sexual past, anything can be seen as offensive by anyone else that has had better or less experiences that have caused them a lot of pain. Sexuality is a very person topic and for a lot of us, can raise questions and past hurts just by talking about it with someone else.
if I feel someone is rubbing their own righteous choices in someone else’s face… bring it up carefully and let them know how their post made you feel, I’m sure a lot of misunderstandings come about from poor word choices or reading into someone’s comment too much. The bee is a great place and I’m sure half the bees here don’t mean to offend anyone with their words.
Post # 58
Although I was technically a virgin before Fiance, I have nothing but praise and thanks for my HS boyfriend for being a good first partner and fellow explorer of intimacy within a relationship. So many women have terrible introductions into sex, love, and stuff that’s supposed to be pleasurable — I’m glad that he was such a good-faith partner.
Without being too much of a jerk — for some people, and I’m not thinking of any specific Bees here, so chill — they practice their faith in a way that DOES start from the assumption that they’re better than non-adherents. For faiths that prize abstinence before marriage, “waiting” is part and parcel of being literally holier than thou. Paradoxically, in the side of Christianity that’s really big on being born again and saving sinners, etc etc, I think probably having “waited,” especially when you’re surrounded by cleansed and uncleansed sinners (and people who ended up with unploanned pregnancies), definitely gives you a sort of social/spiritual cachet.
Again — not directed at any specific Bees, nor at all Christians or all religious believers. I just know some people in my own life to whom this definitely applies…and I had the pleasure of being called a slut in middle school because I refused to sign a “True Love Waits” pledge.
Post # 59
I don’t mind people who say they’ve only been with one person, ever, and are happy about it and that’s just how it worked out. I think that’s great, and romantic, too.
What bugs me is the people who act all high and mighty about it, or say things like, “Well WE just knew it was the right thing to do,” or “Well we had the willpower to wait…” (and the ellipses implies that they’re leaving out the phrase “and you didn’t.”
I voted “I have had sex with more than one person and I think it helped shape who I am.” It’s not like I’ve been with tons of people, but a few, and I don’t regret it, because it helped me learn about who I am/what I want/what I like.
And if, for some unforeseen reason, SO and I break up, I’ll keep having sex with people without worry about “my number” until I find the right one.
Again, I think it’s great it if worked out that some couples were each other’s first and only’s, I just don’t like it when some people imply that’s the only “good and right” thing to do.
Post # 60
@Gemstone: You certainly have never come across as “smug” to me and I promise I wasn’t referring to you! 🙂 To be honest, this has been in the back of my mind for awhile but then there was a thread the other day that literally started with (an unrelated) “We’ve only ever been with each other – how awesome is that!?” or something like that and I finally decided to go ahead and post this.
@2PeasinaPod: Hahaha whoop dee frickin do. You’re right, I don’t need to hear about that either!
@luckyduckinlove: Awww. 🙂
Post # 61
@AnAppleA_Day: I totally understand and agree. Like I said before, I’m very much of the belief that it’s “right for us” not “right for all.”
My motto has always been that you respect my beliefs, and I’ll respect yours. It’s really simple, or at least it should be. 😉