(Closed) I've promised to Shut It Up…but what the..?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1360 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Oh sweety I’m sorry ๐Ÿ™ I’m waiting too and it sucks so bad!!! I am definitely not as patient as you, We talked about it in december and jokingly I said so we’re engaged right! He of course answered yes to which I was super excited!  I also told my mother, who told my entire family, and closest friends, who blabbed to everyone and I get the same questions and it is FRUSTRATING! I mean, in my head I’m engaged even if he hasn’t done the down on one knee thing but I feel like I can’t be excited about it! I do think you should talk to him and ask his timeline, at least a ball park season!! Or maybe he just really wants to make it a surprise?

Post # 4
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

(please read to the end, I do give some suggestions that I hope will help. my post is not just hating on the idea of a woman proposing to a guy, but I do think some of this needs to be said to possibly help other women deciding whether they should propose or not)

so the elephant in the room is that this is exactly what can happen when a woman proposes to a man, but still wants him to either re-propose back or get her a ring as soon as possible.  Waiting can be hard, but a woman proposing to the guy doesn’t necessarily end waiting- it can make it feel worse.  If you’re waiting on a proposal or a ring, then you proposing to him doesn’t necessarily make his timeline any shorter (or make him figure out a timeline if he didn’t have one already).  It could be a different story if the girl proposes and is fully satisfied and feels fully engaged and does not need or expect him to re-propose back to her or buy her a ring.  

Guys tend to have their own (often slow) timelines on these things, frequently for no clear or “good” reason.  People talk endlessly on this board about how to make them move faster to buy a ring and propose (make sure they even want to marry you, get their ideas on when a wedding/marriage would work to start, let them know how long it takes to plan the type of wedding you/they want, let them know your timeline if you have one, let them know about ring buying process & timing, etc.).  But a woman proposing to a guy does not seem to be one of those ways to make a guy move faster.  It seems like it mostly makes the woman feel embarrassed that they don’t have a ring/proposal (because they told friends/fam they were engaged) or like he’s “late” and get even more upset that he hasn’t proposed or bought a ring than if they’d just kept waiting and either shut it up or tried to nudge him into deciding to act sooner on his own.

I’d suggest you talk to him- not to push him into buying a ring or proposing sooner, but just to ask and find out what you can about what he is thinking about for timing.  That way, you might get an honest answer and an actual idea of his plans.  Prepare yourself in advance for the possibility that (despite your proposal) he really might not be making plans in that direction yet or have any timeline idea at all- they are sloooooooooow sometimes.  He also might have an even longer timeline than he did before you proposed- your proposal to him might have made him feel like- good, I said yes & now she knows I want to do this, she got it out of her system and will calm down & we can take our time on the rest, the pressure is off.  

After you find out about his ideas on timing, I’d take a day or two to process.  After you think about whatever plan/idea he has, really think- is that actually waaaaay too long (or are you just having a hard time waiting), does he have semi-decent reasons, can you just compromise to his timeline.  If you still want to encouarage him to move his timeline up after you let it sink in for a couple days, you could tell him why it would be nice or good for it to happen sooner.  But the only way to get him to propose or buy the ring sooner is if his own mind and opinion about timing changes. 

(there is also the possibilty that he’s moving faster than you expect and trying to hide it.  I hope that’s the case for you and all waiting bees of course, but I’d guess that tends to be less likely in a situation where the woman thinks he’s moving so slowly that she takes the situation into her own hands by proposing herself.)

Post # 5
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I second wha’ts been said, I’d talk to him!

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