(Closed) I’ve said my piece. Now what?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Oh, I’ve been here all right:)  Not exactly the same situation because we lived together already.  You already planted the seed. Wait the six months, chill and at the end of that time period things have not gone forward to your satisfaction, bring it up again.  Nicely with no drama, if possible:)

You don’t mention how old you are, but if you want children and age is going to be an issue in the next few years, definitely get serious about whether you want to wait or not.  Sounds like he does love you a lot if he’s distraught over the thought of losing you.  But he has to obviously be on the same marriage page as you for anything to happen-no matter how much love there is.

Lastly, I don’t know how realistic it is to spend every night together if you don’t officially live together. Either you won’t be in your own house or vice-versa and I think that will wear on you both-neither of you will feel “at home”.  It just sounds like an unrealistic expectation and a lot of pressure on the relationship. 

Post # 4
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Why can’t one of you rent your house out to move in together? Your reason for not being able to move in together doesn’t hold much water.Even if you were to move in with him and not rent it out, financially you’d be spending the same amount of money that you are now. So, you really have nothing to lose.

I think he needs to understand that you are serious in your intentions and with your timeline, and having progress talks over the next six months is really important. Marriage = communication, not silently hoping he’ll do what you want if you are really, really quiet and don’t make a fuss about things.

Post # 6
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just dabbling in the homeowner part. I own my apartment, and the SO lives with me. And it makes things tricky when I tell him that in a few months we’re going to need to sit down, so if you don’t plan on asking me to marry you (after we’ve already been together 7 years) you need to start looking for a place. It gets touchy.

And also, if I wanted to move, I have to wait another year because my first time home buyers credit. I can’t even rent it. Has to be my primary residence. Or else I have to pay back the 8k.

Just something to look into as to why he may not want to move out of his (not sure if you or him got the credit).

Post # 7
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

IMO, if he wanted to marry, he would act like it.  He suggested spending every night together, but you’re doing the coordinating? Hmmmm? 

Did you see this post from earlier today?  

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/why-men-marry-some-women-and-not-others

It links you to this artice.  You should read it.  

http://bookoutlines.pbworks.com/w/page/14422733/Why-Men-Marry-Some-Women-And-Not-Others

Post # 8
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Ummmmm I am sorry- he wants you to see each other every day to see if you both can be civil after so much contact— Am I the only person having a WTF moment? Being married means seeing each other everyday, in the GOOD AND BAD TIMES and if  he can’t figure that out now- I can promise you, you aren’t going to have a ring in six months. I personally think it is a stall tactic. If you want to be with someone- YOU JUST DO. If he can’t figure that out now- don’t waste any more time on him.

Post # 9
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@armychica06 – AMEN!  If you don’t know in 2 yrs, then you’re not going to know.  Granted, I know not everyone has a love at first sight “aha” moment like my SO and I did, but really… 2 years and he hasn’t even really thought about it?  At 29, you’re settled enough and stable enough in your homes and jobs that those aren’t hurdles to overcome.  Give it 6 months, if you want, but make him pull some relationship weight.

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