Post # 1
I want start off saying that I am so unbelievably blessed to already have a 14 month old via ivf!!! If you read any of my other posts you would know we had to do ivf due to my husband being a cancer survivor and we had to use his frozen sperm pre chemo. We did one retrival in 2017 and got 3 5 day blasts. None Pgs tested. My fresh transfer I miscarried around 7 weeks. My fet in 2018 got us our daughter. Well now we are in 2020 and wanting to transfer our last embryo for hopefully another baby!
I always thought it wouldnt be so scary to do a fet knowing we already have a baby and true it is a little eaiser but also scary knowing we only have one shot left to provide my daughter with a sibling. I’m starting to get the familiar anxiety about ivf that I thought I put behind me and also the trama for the miscarrage sometimes comes back. Anyways the plan is to transfer this year and I told my dh if it works wonderful but if not we are done. He has always said no…let’s wait and see. If it works great if not let’s not put all our eggs in one basket so to speak and put so much pressure on this transfer. He said we could consider another retrival. I have always been against this as it is a lot of money and crap to go through and most importantly I worry about what I would do with extra embryos? If I get more then I can transfer I think deciding what to do with the remaining ones would be hard! Also not providing a sibling for my child would be hard. I have always pictured myself with 2 kids so that would be hard.
If you are still reading…I think what I am asking is….what would you do? Any advice to try to chill out for this next transfer? If it didnt work would you go through retrival again? We can financially afford it- but emotionally and mentally it would be tough.
I know no one call tell me what to do and the best thing to do is to think positive and only worry if it wont work if that should happen. That was always my plan- but now that we are planning im getting in my head!
Also- we plan to do this summer or fall but wondering if we should try sooner? In case it didnt work and we would need to do another retrival. I will be 34 this summer but my husband is in his 40s so we already arent the youngest parents. Also an issue with trying sooner is I travel for work and if it worked I would be in 1st trimester traveling with shots on a plane! Would my co workers see the shots when they check my bag? Also my RE and OB advised me in my last pregnancy to not travel in 1st trimester bc they didn’t think mentally it would be good for me after the miscarrage. Physically they said it would not hurt a thing.
Has anyone ever been in this situation or could provide any advice? I am sure I’m over thinking this all. Ivf is a mind f***. I think I am starting to feel all the familiar anxiety creeping in again and its freaking me out. On the upside I also think it means I am more ready for a second baby. A few months ago I wasnt even worried about it. I was like eh if it works it works of it doesnt it doesnt. Now I really want it to work!
Sorry for the long post. Any advice would be appreciated!!
Post # 2
candy08 : I’m sorry to hear you had to deal with a miscarriage, I’ve had two as well and know they’re heartbreaking. Although I didn’t do IVF I think I would have the same view with you not wanting to do a second retrieval if the transfer failed because I wouldn’t want to destroy the embryos, donate them for testing and I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable letting them be adopted either.
Isn’t IUI a possibility? That would be less invasive and you wouldn’t have to worry about any extra embryos.
FX this is all a moot point and the transfer takes
Post # 3
feedthebeags : Thank you so much for your reply. I am sorry to hear you have had miscarrages as well..they are beyond awful!unfortunately we started with iui. Nothing took but I had one chemical suspected ectopic. We dont have enough sperm left frozen to continue down the iui train. Other wise we would kept trying. So we could do an iui hail Mary but my RE strongly suggest saving the remaining good sperm for another retrieval as our chances would be so much better! Unfortunately due to chemo my dh doesnt even have one sperm for them to work with so we only have one vial of frozen sperm left. He could regain fertility someday but it is really unknown. It stinks! But I dont want to complan bc like I said I do feel so fortunate to at least have one child.
Post # 4
candy08 : I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m gearing up to start IVF for baby #2 and those feelings of anxiety and fear are also coming back for me the closer I get to my transfer.
I has 3MMC’s and 1 chemical prior to having my LO last year. My first FET was a loss and my 2nd was my LO. I was verging on a nervous breakdown my entire pregnancy fearful of losing him at any time. I thought knowing I had a successful pregnancy would put my mind at ease this time, but nope, the closer we get the worse it gets. IVF and loss is scary and emotionally draining and I think its normal for you to have those feelings.
My LO will be 12 months when we do our FET. Ideally, we would have waited a little longer, but im 35 and my Darling Husband is 45 and I’m fearful it could be another 2+ year journey.
We have 3 frozen embryos, but, if we aren’t successful with them, we will do another retrieval. It’s important to me to have more than 1 child. I don’t know for sure yet what we’ll do if we have remaining embryos, but we would strongly consider donating to research in hopes of helping another couple, like my husband and myself, have a health baby one day. The way I think about it is that someone before me had to give to research in order for me to have my
beautiful baby boy via IVF.
Post # 5
One of the ways I dealt with my eight retreivals, and made it that far, was by not trying to think too many steps ahead. I mean, I’d play out the senarios like you did, but then I didn’t beat myself up trying to figure out which path I would take cause really, present me will more than likely be in a completely different mindset that future me when finally faced with the decision. So.. you already know your next step is to transfter your last frozen. You know there are two possible outcomes, 1 being the ideal, and 2 putting you in a position to make a choice to stop or to do another retrieval. If the latter happens, today you can guess and plan all you want, but I believe that only future you will know in your heart what to do when you really have to decide. Take a breath, and just take it one decision at a time.
Post # 6
MsTrulove22 : Sorry to hear about your losses but I am glad to hear you have your son! I am glad to hear I’m not the only one nervous doing fet again. I really thought after I gave birth to my daughter I could be chill this time around! Hopefully I can calm down before we do a transfer. We have not set the date yet. Good luck to you on your upcoming transfer! I hope you can remain calm as well!
pinkshoes : 8 retirvals! Oh my that is amazing you got through it all! I have read your story and you are so inspiring! I think I would have had a nervous breakdown! I am so glad it worked out for you!
This is good advice! My husband just said something similar to me 10 minutes ago. I do think we need to just focus on this next transfer and try to pick a timeline. Taking it one step at a time I know makes sense but it is hard! But you are right…I cant plan to far ahead or I will continue to drive myself crazier then I already am! We are planning to go on a trip soon to try and clear my mind and then afterwards we will jump back into all the ivf stuff!
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2017 - California
I don’t have any experience with this yet, but just wanted to say that I’m thinking of you and wishing you the best with your transfer! If it were me, and it was something I could afford it it came to it at the time, I think I would do a second retrieval if the transfer of the last embryo didn’t take and I was certain that I wanted two children. I guess I have this personality type where I wouldn’t be able to let it go unless I tried one more retrieval, but it’s such a hard personal decision. Anyway, I am hoping it isn’t a decision that you will need to make and that your transfer goes perfectly!
Post # 8
zstbee84 : Thank you! I appreciate your kind words! I hope all goes well with your upcoming ivf cycle!!