IVF vs Surrogate vs Adoption

posted 1 year ago in Adoption & Surrogacy
Post # 31
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

ImMrsSnow :  Exactly. Fears don’t have to be based on actual facts, and lots of times, they aren’t! It’s just fear of the unknown….it happens to all of us, about any number of things. I’m not sure why these women are trying to make her feel like she’s the one who is in the wrong for feeling a certain way. 

Post # 32
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee

Sansa85 :  

You can’t say that, you don’t know what country she is in or what research she has done. Her post isn’t worded very well, but her concerns are legitimate, especially if she is in the UK. I had similar worries when considering adoption, did my research and it was worse than I imagined (look at my previous post).

What are you basing your own opinions on? Anecdotal evidence? You can’t flame someone for havings concerns or being “offensive” when in many cases those concerns are more than justified. 

Post # 33
Member
5407 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

ariesscientist :  

My concern was her using a fictional novel about a biological child to validate her fear of adopted children struggling with mental health issues. Using that definitely took away from her post

I said it’s complex, nature vs nurture.

Post # 34
Member
5321 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I’m pretty sure the OP is not from the UK, I don’t know why several posters have been implying she is. 

If OP had just asked about adoption stories and what other bees had done to try to help relieve the emotional stress the the child was under she probably would have gotten very different responses. Instead OP implied that not only adopted children, but those born through IVF or a surrogate would also have the same problems.

Then she linked in a movie which doesn’t really have any relevance to anything she was saying as Kevin in ‘We need to talk about Kevin’ was in fact a biological child, therefore showing that children can have problems no matter how they were conceived or brought into a family.

Post # 35
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee

Sansa85 :  

I agree that using that film as an example was wrong as it’s fictional and he was actually a biological child anyway. However, there was nothing wrong with the rest of her post and she’s not wrong for having the concerns she does. It’s extremely dismissive and rude of people to attack someone for having worries which depending on where she is from are reasonable. This is an international website, you can’t all just assume everyone who posts here is from the US. Her worries are more than justified if she’s from the U.K and people should take that into consideration. 

Post # 36
Member
9152 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

ImMrsSnow :  because she said:

Please tell me your stories and reassure me that adopting/using donor eggs does not always end in a disaster.

meaning that she is under the impression that every adoption/donor egg situation ends in disaster. i don’t even know where to start that she is getting this information from doctors. 

Post # 37
Member
9608 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Some family friends of ours adopted a toddler from Nepal. Her mother had died of a stomach ulcer and her dad had burned alive in their home.  She had been living on the streets surviving off scraps neighbors gave her.  When they got her she was so tiny they underestimated her age and had to update their guesses multiple times over the years as she developed.  She didn’t remember how to eat, when they got her.

She has always been the sweetest girl in the world. I’ve had the joy of watching her grow up and babysitting for her on occasion.  I interact with many kids and know the range of sweet to problematic.. she was beyond sweet.

Now she is in college. She is a thriving beautiful young woman.  I haven’t seen her in person for ages, but we are fb friends and clearly she is doing well.

FWIW her older brother (the adoptive families bio kid) was a particularly sulky teenager, imo.  She did her best, poor heart, to give him everything that she had to make him happy but he wanted motorcycles and whatnot and all she had was toys for little kids lol.

Post # 38
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We looked into adoption and IVF during our struggle with infertility and I remembering asking the doctor if there was any evidence that IVF children had more health issues in general. My concern was that this was a child that ‘wasn’t meant to be’ and would that mean health issues that wouldn’t have been passed on would be. I don’t mean to offend anyone with an IVF child with that phrasing but I couldn’t think of another way to articulate that science had made that baby not nature and if in years of trying nature hadn’t made a baby for us perhaps we shouldn’t have one.

youre right we have no idea where she is from but both I and another UK poster have said that those concerns about adoption are very valid here. 

Post # 39
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I know many ladies, who got pregnant via IVF PGS NGS, DE or suroggaccy or they adopted. And every family is complete and really happy now.

Post # 40
Member
3189 posts
Sugar bee

My best friend is adopted. She is a Senior Manager at a Fortune 500 company. Her older brothers are not adopted. They are both entitled and always have her pay for them.

OP, you’re probably not reading this anymore, but it doesn’t sound like you should adopt.

Post # 41
Hostess
3190 posts
Sugar bee

A reminder from your favorite moderator that snark, criticizing one’s nesting choices, etc is against the TOS. I agree the original post was not worded well, and I can see how it could be considered offensive. But she is asking a legitimate question.

If you’re on the thread to criticize rather than help, click the back button and choose another thread. 

Post # 42
Hostess
3190 posts
Sugar bee

MRSsrm85 :  She has concerns about adopting, and is trying to find out more about people’s experiences and potential problems she should face, so she shouldn’t adopt? Really?

Post # 43
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

Is that the same doctor who shoved a gloved finger up your vagina by way of saying hello?  If yes, I wouldn’t trust any of her opinions.

Post # 44
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Oh my God. This is disgusting.

 

My husband and his sister were both adopted by the most awesome parents ever. Both of them are hugely successful in all aspects of life. Adoption is such a great thing to do, whether you can have a child of your own or not. You may not be suited for either.

Post # 45
Member
809 posts
Busy bee

I haven’t read all the replies to perhaps this has already been said, but:

I would definitely speak with an adoption agency about your concerns. I’m not super familiar with the process, but from what I understand they’ll do their best to find a child that will be a good match for you…they won’t just stick their hand in a hat of names and pull one out. Adoption is a lot of work, but ethically speaking I personally believe it’s preferrable over IVF/Surrogacy, especially if you wouldn’t be able to use your own eggs + dh’s seed. Definitely worth talking with someone experienced with adoptions, as I doubt docs know much…and apparently not many bees here have gone through the process to share their experience. 

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