Post # 1
Hey fellow bees,
Was hoping to get some honest opinions! My fiance and I are planning on throwing a Jack and Jill. I know that traditionally in some places Jack and Jills are a co-ed event where tickets are sold and games/raffles are played to “raise money” for a wedding. We are doing in kind of differently. We didnt have an engagement party and I will not be having a bridal shower. So instead we decided to do a Jack and Jill. We are not selling tickets to the event and will be providing food and alcohol at the party. However, we are planning on having some games and raffles etc. Where we would charge $5 for 10 raffle tickets (for example) and then of course we will have prizes etc. We are paying for everything ourselves and only asking the bridal party to help the day of. We are also planning on registering at Crate and Barrel and putting that on the invitation. So my question is, would any of you be put off if you were invited to a party like that? Would you think it would be strange to bring a gift and then also pay to play games etc?
Please be honest! Thanks!!
Post # 2
fab25: I would not likely accept because fund-raisers for the wedding are not considered good etiquette here.
Post # 3
Where are you located? I’m in the Northwest USA and this sort of party would be totally unheard of. Bride and Groom cannot host a gift giving event for themselves and we don’t do this sort of raise money for the couple type party. I assume you are not from here?
Post # 4
My fsil did it and it was fine. We were all given a free ticket. If you wanted more you would have to purchase them. She had lots of neat prizes like wine, scentsy, chocolates, etc. We all had a buffett syle dinner and yummy chessecake afterwards. I think it is tacky to plan it yourselves though. Showers are hosted by people you love. It is very gift grabby if you plan it yourself.
I will however not be having a jack and jill party. I don’t want to force people to give me money just to attend my wedding.
Post # 5
fab25: I second what Scarlett11 said. The Bride and Groom cannot host a gift giving event without coming across as gift-grabby and rude.
Stag and Does happen where I’m from (Toronto) every now and then, but I wouldn’t say they are popular. Nor would I say they are in good taste. And 100% of the time they are hosted FOR the bride and groom, not BY the bride and groom.
It sounds like you want a co-ed shower where people also donate to your wedding. If you invited me, I would be very put off, I wouldn’t attend, and my opinion of you would change for the worse.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2016 - Lodge on the lake
Jack and Jills are fairly common from where I’m from (Ontario, Canada). Personally I don’t really care for them and I won’t be having one, however I’m a bridesmaid in a wedding this summer and the couple is having a Jack and Jill a few months before and obviously I’m supportive of the bride.
Anyways, I’ve never been to one where there was a gift registry and I think people may take that as slightly tacky. Especially if they’re not invited to the wedding. Where I’m from, people are invited to the Jack and Jill who are not necessarily invited to the wedding. I would recommend selling the raffle tickets but not including the gift registry.
Post # 7
This is the first time I’ve ever heard of this. It sounds like a run on the typical bachelor party (or at least the ones Fiance and my brothers throw and go to). I don’t see a problem with this since you’re not having a shower. I also think registering is a good idea, because some people prefer to give gifts instead of giving people cash. While this is not something I would do myself, I certainly think it is a fun idea and I would enjoy being a guest at something like this. It sounds like a lot more fun than the average bridal showers.
If this is not something that is common where you are from or in your family though, you should be prepared for some sort of backlash. A lot of people are very much into following traditions where weddings are concerned, and some may see this as a wedding fundraiser/begging for $$$ and less an egagment party/bridal shower.
Post # 8
fab25: I have never heard of a Jack and Jill (I’m from the States) so if I were invited to one like this, I’d think it was odd. Again, I’m not familiar with them so I have no idea what is customary but if you’re worried about coming off as gift-grabby maybe exclude the registry information from your invite. If people are interested in bringing a gift, they will likely ask you where you two are registered.
Post # 9
I’m put off by anything that invites me to pay for someone elses wedding.
These types of fundraisers are popular where I grew up but they honestly make my skin crawl. Especially if they’re hosted by the bride and groom themselves.
Post # 10
I don’t like the idea in general but I can appreciate that it’s normal in some places. Registering for gifts for this type of party is crossing the line in any circle though, I think. I would be put off if I were expected to bring a gift and then spend another $10-$20 on raffle tickets.
Post # 11
Thanks for all your replies.
I am from Ontario as well and have been to a few Jack and Jills in the past where you pay for entry as well as for drinks and any games. We definitely didnt want to do that. Even though I know it is very common for people to throw stags (men only) which is basically the same thing. My family is doing alll the planning for this, so we really arent throwing it for ourselves. They were the ones that pressured us to have one. We just decided we would pay for food and alcohol to lighten the load.
What if we still had the games and prizes, but they were free? Just to serve as entertainment? Would that seem better? We definitely are not trying to be “gift-grabby”.
Post # 12
fab25: I think my confusion comes less from the Jack and Jill raffle ticket idea (which is not my cultural norm but I can understand that it’s yours) and more from the idea of putting the registry info on the invite, but saying it’s not a “shower.” To me, registry info on the invite = direct cue that gifts are expected, which makes it by definition a gift shower. Nothing wrong with that, if that’s what you’d like to do! But it might help to clarify what you’re envisioning for the party.
I see nothing wrong with the raffle ticket idea if it’s normal in Ontario. Pay-for-entry seems like a bad idea, but whether or not you charge for games and prizes is up to you and depends a little on whether you plan to include registry info on the invite.
Post # 13
fab25: The issue is that you are asking people to pay to play games and fundraise your wedding, and also asking them to bring you a gift from your registry. If you want to make all the games and prizes free, what you are doing is having a co-ed shower.
What is the goal of this event? To raise funds for the wedding, or to have people bring you gifts from your registry? If it is to fundraise for the wedding, leave all mention of your registry off the invitation. If it is to get gifts from your registry, then eliminate the wedding carnival.
Post # 14
fab25: I think the games and prizes would be fun. I had lots of fun at my fsil jack and jill. I just thought it was kind of unfair that the only people who could win any of the prizes were people who paid more for tickets so if you made it all free. I think it would be fun.
Post # 15
The goal of the event started out as just a party to celebrate our upcoming wedding. But with all the opinions of the family and bridal party around us it kind of turned into something else. I was pretty stubborn about not having a bridal shower, I really didnt want to have one. But some of my mom, bridesmaids and friends told me I had to have some kind of party where people can bring gifts. So this is where the Jack and Jill idea came in. They thought that would be a good way to have a party similar to a “bridal shower” but not women only.
I definitely want to avoid anything coming off as a fundraiser. So maybe the best course of action would be just to have a Jack and Jill wedding shower, and we can do a few free games and have smaller prizes just to keep guests entertained.