(Closed) Jack and Jill Party?

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

What country do you live in?  I have heard that Jack and Jill parties are common in Europe and Australia but I have never heard of one being held in the US.  I would just tell the bridesmaids that you would like to do your own gift.

Post # 5
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I know that a Jack and Jill is to raise money for the wedding, but I also thought it was supposed to be instead of a bridal shower…explain that you and your Fiance already have something in mind (even if you don’t) and apologetically say you can’t do it all.

 

Post # 6
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve never heard of a Jack and Jill party – not even sure what it is – so I wouldn’t say that they are common.  I’m sure you could opt to spend less on the group bridesmaid gift but I wouldn’t opt out of it completely.  It would be a little odd to have a group gift from all the bridesmaids but one (although I can totally understand your worries from an expense perspective).

Post # 7
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think that people pay to go to them in Australia.  They are basically used to help the couple fund the wedding (it’s not a traditional bachelor/bachelorette party).

Post # 8
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My fiance’s parents threw us a Jack & Jill party. It was $5 a ticket. I had never heard of it before being engaged, but it is apparently extremely common where my fiance is from (New Brunswick/Quebec country area). Since his family lives so far away from us, his mother and father planned a Jack & Jill for us so I could meet the family friends and extended family that would not be able to travel to the wedding.

I would just be honest with the MoH and say you’d prefer to get your own gift.

 

Post # 9
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

hmmm. I think that you should explain that you would already have a gift and would love to help out in any other ways but cannot afford more expenses that you haven’t budgeted for.

Post # 10
Member
1675 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

They have Jack and Jill parties (AKA Stag and Does) in the part of Canada I’m from (and showers are held in addition to the Jack and Jill). I have never been to one (I find they’re more popular in the country than the city), but most do charge a fee at the door and then tickets are purchased for drinks, raffles and various games.

Don’t ask me what my personal opinion is of these Wink

Post # 11
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Jack and Jill’s are HUGE in Canada (or at least here in Ontario), although I’ve never heard of one being in place of a bridal shower. Typically they’re thrown BY the bride and groom, not FOR the bride and groom as a surprise. I never would have thought that the wedding party should pay for tickets as they are usually the ones helping to run the games, serving food, etc. I think you should come up with an excuse to miss the Jack and Jill. Your presence would be more appreciated by the bride at her shower I would think.

Personally, I hate Jack and Jills. I really don’t think people should be throwing fundraisers for their weddings. I think we should all learn to work within budgets as grown ups. If you can’t afford a crazy huge wedding and your family can’t help, then have a smaller one! I think asking guests to buy a ticket for your J&J, then pay money to play games, etc while they’re there, then having showers, AND then the wedding is way too much. I’ve only ever been to one J&J for very very close friends and always come up with an excuse to miss the others. I’ll get off my soapbox now 😉

Post # 12
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah apparently people do this out in Western Mass.  I grew up outside Boston and lived there my whole life and never heard of this until about a year ago.  Honestly, I think it’s really weird and makes me very uncomfortable.  AND.. I really don’t think the bridal party should have to pay admission! You are already paying quite a bit of money to be in the wedding.. you shouldn’t have to help the bride and groom fund it too!!  Either way.. just tell the other bridesmaids “sorry, I already bought my gift”

Post # 14
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think Jack & Jill’s are becoming increasingly popular everywhere, as I’ve heard of a number of couples having them. However, I still don’t think they are as popular as the traditional bridal shower.

The few that I have heard of take place of the bridal shower and the wedding party throws it in coordination with the bride and groom. So naturally the wedding party is not expected to pay for a ticket.

The one I went to, the wedding party and the B&G paid for it and we were only charged $5 to go and the wedding party did one big gift from all of them. It really just sort of took the place of the shower.

This probably isn’t much help since all the posts seem to describe them in different ways but good luck.

Post # 15
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@iggies – Okay, so if the parents are paying for the wedding, why is there a J&J? Just as a way to give them a big lump of cash?! I’m really glad it’s not the bride and groom who are organizing this because I would have called them greedy, bad people. Why is this other bridesmaid spearheading something that’s not necessary? I’m totally confused! If I were the bride walking into that, I would tell the Bridesmaid or Best Man to give everyone their money back.

Post # 16
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Stag and Drag’s are very popular around where I’m from. Several of my friends asked me if we were doing one and were surprised when I said no. My Fiance brought it up when we got engaged and I pretty much said “absolutely not!”. I’m not very comfortable with the whole thing and our parents are paying for the wedding.

Basically, it’s a party thrown by the couple to raise money. Most only charge $5 admission and anyone and everyone is invited and encouraged to bring friends. It’s sort of like a big party. They provide food and you can buy drinks and play games casino style or raffles, etc. I went to one and it was a good time – i didn’t even know the couple. However, this isn’t something i was interested in doing for our wedding.

My friend that had one ended up with over $3k from her Stag and Drag and that paid for their honeymoon!

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