(Closed) jealous and a tiny bit diasppointed

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Aww, I’m sorry you’re not the first.  I know exactly how you feel!  I was hoping to be the first on my side of the family (it’s not possible to be the first on hubby’s side), but my little sister beat me to it…and TWICE now πŸ™  The only thing I can hope for now is that she’s done having kids and we’ll have the first little girl since she has 2 boys.  Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I feel ya and I personally think it’s okay to feel that way!  ((HUGS))

Post # 4
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I completely understand!!!!  I am so sorry you did not get to be the first!

I so badly want to be the first on my side.  If my cousin and his fiance (getting married next month) conceive first, you will see me on here venting!!

Post # 5
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I don’t think I would really mind. It would give me more practice before I had my own. Each child will be special in their own way so just because you didn’t have one first doesn’t mean your child won’t be loved too. I dunno. Maybe I don’t get it.

Post # 6
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Well even though you wont be the first seems like the first was really not known of. You can still be the first to announce “IM PREGNANT” and get everyone excited and how about a baby shower and all the celebrations!

Post # 8
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

My cousin was the first in our family to have a baby.  His wife also found out he was cheating on her during the pregnancy.  I understand  why you are disappointed, but you will be really glad that you waited when you have a baby and a supportive husband.

Post # 9
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Ahh, I totally understand how you feel!  My brother has a (FANTASTIC!!!!!) 6 yr old son, so my family is out (and as for my cousins, the oldest ones started having kids when I was 6!!) but I’m really hoping we’ll have the first grandchild on FI’s side of the family.  His brother is dating a 39 yr old woman, and I hate to admit that sometimes I worry that they’ll have a baby before us since she’s “getting up there” in age.  And then I feel like a jerk.  I don’t know WHY it matters to me, I comepletely feel you on it!

Post # 10
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

I’ll give you a different perspective.  We always joked that we were waiting until everyone else had kids so that we’d get all the hammy downs πŸ™‚  We have 3 nieces and 3 nephews (each family has girl/boy) – the oldest just turned 3.  We are so looking forward to ‘borrowing’ all their baby gadgets and saving a bunch of money on this adventure.

I understand your thoughts though.  We all have them.  I see SOOOOO many people/friends that seem to be in this life ‘competition’, keeping up with the Jones.  Be it getting married first, buying a house or a bigger house, or a new car, or the new TV, the hot tub, the first baby… etc etc.  It’s hard to block that out and focus on your family and the gameplan that’s best for your life.  I know why hubby and I waited until now to have a baby – why we made those choices.  Sure part of me wishes we already had our two kids and I was already being a ‘mommy’ everyday… but I also know exactly why our life is what it is and I wouldn’t change those decisions.  I just have to remind myself often.  I also have to remind myself why we choose to drive old klunkers πŸ™‚

This happened again recently when a friend of mine who is about 4 weeks behind me was already feeling the baby move/kick and was making a big deal about it.  My hubby asked me if it was hard for me to ‘witness’ that because I was 20 weeks and wanted nothing more than to feel this baby.  Of course it was.  Of course I was a little bit jealous.  Of course I had my immature moments of mimicking her ‘dramatics’ behind close doors. (hey no ones perfect :))  But the reality is – all pregnancies are different – hers is what it is – mine is what it is.  Hubby made the comment it was a little riduculous to get into the ‘my kid did this first’ battle when they are still in the womb!  So true πŸ™‚

When the time comes for you guys to have a little one it’ll be the perfect timing for your family πŸ™‚  No one will be any more/less excited if it’s the first, second, or third little addition in the next generation.

Post # 11
497 posts
Helper bee

Oh I TOTALLY get this.  I was super jealous of my in-laws who dropped their pregnancy news on us as we were TTC which meant the loss of being the first grandchild on the only side that was possible.  And I won’t lie, it still bugged me until the day I had my son, five months after their little girl was born.  And then, the world changed and I can very honestly tell you that it doesn’t matter one teeny tiny little bit.

Go ahead and allow yourself to feel disappointed over this, but let yourself move on knowing that in the end it truly, truly doesn’t matter.

Post # 12
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I know what you mean!  I am the oldest and always assumed I’d get married first and have kids first.  But both my younger brother and sister got married before me, now my baby brother has 2 sons so I won’t get to have the first kid either.  I am totally fine with this now, though, because each baby is so cherished and loved that it won’t matter if they were first.  I have actually evolved into a more private person and I’m actually glad that ours won’t be the first on either side, so they won’t be quite as doted upon.  I can see where you are coming from though. πŸ™‚

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