(Closed) jealous and selfish bride needing encouragement!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

the only help i can offer is that i think it is pretty normal to feel this way. i felt it when a friend of mine got engaged.  but i just kept it to myself. in fact, i made it a point to not talk about her wedding being so close to mine on weddingbee at all, because that way, weddingbee was just for me and my wedding, and it really helped.  Key is to just focus on you, your Fiance and your wedding.  once you keep that as totally separate from your friend, you should be able to be more happy for her as well.  because as you know logically in your mind, her engagement and relationship have NOTHING to do with yours. and yours IS just as special as it was even if ALL your friends were getting married at the same time.

Post # 4
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mrstj2b: I think it is natural to have feelings of jealousy at first (I did because I got engaged around christmas, and so did a bunch of other people we knew), but you get over it.

I got engaged after my friend (we are each others’ MOHs).  I don’t know if she struggled with the same feelings you did, but it is AWESOME to have someone talk to who is just as excited about wedding stuff as you!!  

Post # 5
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mrstj2b: I think many of us (if we’re being honest) have had thoughts like these before, so don’t think you’re alone. It’s hard to put a time frame on when couples know they’re right together. I’ve seen some who were only together for a short time and got engaged, and they’re happily married. I’ve seen others who were together for a long time, and you’d think they’d have gotten it right, but they’re not happy at all.

All I could really suggest is if you have legitimate concerns about your friend’s happiness is talk to her. You could ask her how she knows he’s the one, what “life” things they’ve talked about, what she sees for their future and if they’ve discussed it…things like that. Might be a better plan than coming over one day and saying, “I wonder if you’re really meant to be with your fiancee.”

Second, you may have to share the spotlight now, but it would be fabulous to have someone who knows what you’re going through. Wedding planning can be tough, and it’s great to have someone to bounce ideas around with and makes you feel like you’re not alone. There are lots of benefits to not being the only one getting married. But that could be just me, because I’m a person who tends to hate the spotlight and would prefer to share the limelight with lots of people.

Never forget…on your wedding day, you will be in the limelight. That day is for you and your fiancee alone, and I hope that is the case. Just because someone else is getting married doesn’t make it any less special for you. Good luck, and I hope you become excited to have a bride to share the next coming months with πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

yeah i know how you feel. I did too. but now one after another everyone is getting engaged—we’ve just basically entered that point in our lives where its happening…once one person gets engaged, its an infection….I remember i felt like you the first time, but then it happened again, and again….and i know other friends who were waiting to get engaged and then got engaged felt the same way I did too…so you’re not alone.  Also, ive had people getting engaged after me, and then setting their date before mine….you just learn to get used to it and nothing will phase you anymore…I know how you feel, but this feeling will pass.

Post # 8
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

With the issue of how you should talk to her about wondering if this is right for her aside, (I don’t know how long you’ve been engaged,) I think that it’s REALLY nice to have engaged friends to talk to about wedding planning, cuz honestly, most of my single/dating friends do not really want to hear about it endlessly…

Are they getting married around the same time you are?

Post # 9
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@mrstj2b: good luck with the wedding planning!  

and, yeah, like a PP said, it’s kinda like an infection.  My Fiance and I have been engaged for YEARS and everyone knows it.  First one of his best friends gets into a serious relationship (not long AFTER we move in together and actually start wedding planning).  Then another friend (not sure if it should be included due to circumstances).  Now, another good friend is thinking of/talking about proposing while his other best bud is in a serious relationship and the gf is talking about marriage!

It’s a freaking epidemic sometimes.  BUT, it’s kinda good to know that your the ones who started it πŸ˜‰  (I frequently tease my Fiance that everyone is always following him, lol).  

Post # 11
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@mrstj2b: ugh, that DOES suck!!!!  not to mention all the parties and stuff. πŸ™  Maybe they’ll go with a June wedding, instead πŸ˜‰

sorry you’re dealing with a wedding so close with so many friends involved with both weddings!  

lol, look at the bright side! at least no one has mentioned a double wedding! πŸ˜‰

Post # 13
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@mrstj2b: oh, no!  Hopefully it doesn’t blind-side your FI!!! LOL!  

who knows, maybe the three of you can have more get-togethers and talk all-things-wedding!!!  That would be kinda neat!  Not to mention shopping trips for buying the wedding stuff!  

I’d LOVE to have someone to talk to who didn’t try to tell me what I HAD to do (despite said person swearing she’s going to do the EXACT OPPOSITE *rolls eyes*).  

Post # 15
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Just try to look on the bright side, usually as a bride its hard to find someone who wants to talk about weddings as much as you do, and now your moh is actually engaged too! You have someone to talk weddings with all the time. As long as her wedding isnt very close to yours this will all work out great

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