Post # 1
This is my first post on here, so I apologize if it’s a big ramble.
I’m pretty upset with my future bridesmaid. This girl has been my best friend for 2.5 years and we’ve worked together (basically sitting next to each other) for that entire time period, seeing each other everyday, secrets, etc. It’s kind of a complicated story but she used to be best friends with my FH as well as we all worked together, but she was far better friends with me since the beginning. People called us “twins” and “inseparable” and I always dreamed of having a wonderful wedding with her by my side.
She has never been fully supportive of my solid, happy relationship. Anytime my FH would even look my way she would roll her eyes in disgust or tell him in a rude way to cut it out. She is comfortable with us and I get that, but it makes me feel awkward. Now that we are engaged, she has completely turned into a different person and distant especially if I even try to talk wedding plans with her. She’s becoming mean and nasty and it’s very hurtful. I don’t want to make it all about me and my life, but I feel like I’ve been there for her through boyfriends, break ups, and apartment-hunting that it feels fair that she ask me how my life is going?
I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but she does not acknowledge my feeligns and honestly makes me feel selfish that I’m asking her to do ANYTHING. She has literally said “I don’t have the mental capacity to deal with the stress of someone else’s wedding.”
What should I say/do?
Post # 2
No offence but it doesn’t sound like you were ever best friends. Rollling her eyes when you talk about your SO, not supporting your relationship – why are you acting like these are no big deal?
plus what are you expecting her to do for your wedding? It’s hard to tell who is being unreasonable with little information
Post # 3
So, what is it that you have been asking her to do? And is it possible she had been romantically interested in your FI?
Post # 4
How were you friends to begin with if she never supported you and your man? Did you just avoid talking to her about the topic? If that’s the case then maybe you should re-evaluate your friendship with her.
Post # 5
You are not friends. She should not be your future bridesmaid. Friends support one another; she isn’t doing that. Time to find someone who won’t be a little sassy b.
Post # 6
If this was my good friend I would say… ” are you upset about something youd like to talk to me about? Youve been really rude and its hurtful”. If she didnt fess up and make an effort to work it out than I’d let that “friend” slip away….
Post # 7
I agree with pps, you dont sound that close in the first place.
That said, what are you asking her to do? What kind of “stress” are you putting on her with your wedding? The answer should realistically be none, but that is rarely the case on here.
Post # 8
You have describe a coworker and no the a friend. She doesn’t want anything to do with your wedding.
Post # 9
Rather than focusing on how her stress and feelings are affecting you, why not flip the script for a little bit and focus on her stress and feelings? Ask her how she’s doing, how she’s feeling, if she’s got a lot on her plate, if she has been to a lot of weddings lately, and if there’s anything you can do to help lift the burdens she’s clearly feeling.
Sure, planning a wedding is probably stressing you out, but sometimes focusing and helping someone else solve their problems can be a big stress relief. Help yourself by helping someone else.
Post # 10
What you should say and do is nothing. Perhaps she is jealous or has other reasons, but she clearly does not want to be invovled in or hear about your wedding. She told you that out right. Do not ask her to be your bridesmaid and stop talking wedding plans with her. Unfortunately, your friendship is probably not as solid on her end as you believed. It’s sad when friends cannot be supportive, but it happens. The most I would do is invite her as a guest, but don’t be surprised if she declines or is a no-show.
Post # 11
Was she ever interested in your FH at some point before you two started dating? Sounds like the jealousy to me is coming from your relationship with your fiance’. I could be wrong but they way you have described the situation she may actually want your spot. She doesn’t sound like she viewed your relationship the same way as you did.
I would keep her at a distance sounds like she could get worse the closer the wedding gets. This may be a relatiionship that you have to cut off. When someone shows you who they are believe them. I understand giving someone the benefit of the doubt. She doesn’t acknowledge your feelings at all. Is everything about her whenever you do talk or when you try to talk about yourself does she change the subject and place the attention back on herself?
Post # 12
I agree with some of the PPs, just ask her how she is doing and if everything is ok. She may be feeling a little left out. I have no idea why…
She may be jealous or she may just be uncomfortable with wedding talk. I agree with you, friends talk about so many things with each other, work, family, relationships (in some cases), etc. But when you talk about wedding stuff it comes off like you’re obsessed with your wedding. It is a thin line… It works best when you let people ask you about the wedding.
Post # 13
I am in similar situation, however I am the friend. My BFF is also a co-worker as is her boyfriend. I am the friend that she talks to about him which is all fine until that is all that I hear about non-stop on every break and lunch that we take together. The two of us may take a walk and then her boyfriend spots us and instantly he is now part of the equation, they are hand in hand and I have become the third wheel. My friend NEVER asks how I am, or what is new in my life, it is always about her and her boyfriend. So maybe, just maybe, your friend is feeling the way that I do. Maybe she feels you talk too much about yourself and would just like some time with her friend to talk about something other than a relationship. I would stop pinning everything on her and take a step back to see what you can do to be a better friend and interact with her again.
Post # 14
The only thing I asked her was to help me with Save the Dates because she is an art director who is very creative. I thought it would be nice to have her stamp on our wedding.
Post # 15
I’ve asked her to help with save the dates since she is artistically talented and works as an art director. And, I’m not 100% certain, but I do not think so at all. She had never in the past expressed that she was interested in him at all and whenever we were all together, she would gravitate toward me.