(Closed) Jealous and unsupportive friend

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

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irishbride2018 :  Omg, I literally jsut had avery similar experience and posted about it on here. This was my (ex) Maid/Matron of Honor.She was a bit worse than your situation, but generally unhappy and rude in general to me about my wedding.

It ended up that I had to cut her out. The relationsip was toxic and I don’t want someone standing beside me on my day that isn’t 100% supportive of me and happy for me.

If she really rubs you the wrong way, I say to end the relationsip before it gets worse. If you want to try and work on it, then sit her down and have an honest conversation with her – but know that these kinds of people will always cause trouble because they want what you have. You can suggest that maybe she just be a guest instead of in the actual wedding, I dont know if that would go over well or not.

Sending good vibes, hope it works out!

Post # 20
Member
2617 posts
Sugar bee

Major life events have a tendency to reveal things you might not otherwise realize about your existing relationships. I’ve noticed it before when my sister had cancer, and through major breakups, but it happens for positive life events as well apparently. There are some friendships that are solid through thick and thin friendships, and some that are just conditional. Seems like this one has proved to be the latter unfortunately. To be honest 2.5 years of friendship is not that long, particularly when it’s one where you aren’t required to put in any effort to maintain it – ie because you see each other at work. 

One thing to note however – it shouldn’t be expected of your bridesmaids that they contribute labour hours to your wedding.  

Post # 21
Member
13735 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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irishbride2018 :  If she has openly admitted that she’s jealous and has issues with weddings, then I’d give her the option of being in the wedding party. 

But don’t make standing up for you at the wedding contingent on her doing anything other than just that. Her talent has nothing to do with anything. I would never have dreamed on imposing on her to design your STDs unless she previously made a genuine offer of her own. 

Post # 22
Member
678 posts
Busy bee

My childhood friend acted like a dick when I got engaged. I didn’t even try to get her involved in anything and required nothing of her. I once sent her a pic of a dress and asked her opinion on it, and she acted rude and annoyed. I don’t know if she was jealous because it never occurred to me that she would be since she is very independent and has never had a serious relationship seemingly by choice.

She turned into a self-involved trainwreck as we got older, and I cut that friendship out and just feel relieved that I don’t have to deal with her anymore. If a friend is disrespectful and couldn’t care less about a big event, such as marriage, happening in your life, then you would probably be better off without her. 

Post # 23
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Sounds like you two had a friendship solely based on the fact you worked together. When you are “forced” to work or go to schill with someone and see them everyday you becomes friends with this person. Sounds like you two aren’t actually really friends. Especially if she’s rolling her eyes… Like sorry my relationship offends you!?

Post # 24
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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weddingmaven :  I got the same feeling! Not sure why OP but when I read this my gut told me she has feelings your fiance.

But to echo the other bees – she really isn’t your best friend. She was your co-worker who  you spent alot of time with and maybe even good friends – but best friends are people who have your back and this girl doesn’t seem to meet that criteria.

Post # 25
Member
9212 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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irishbride2018 :  And this is what happens when people get engaged and think that their friends/family will suddenly change their personalities because they are getting married.

You stated that your friendship has pretty much always been onesided with her talking about her life and not wanting to hear about yours, so your mistake is thinking that that would change just because you are getting married.

 

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