- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I hate that I’m even having to write this post, Bees. I’m sad and stressed out, and really, really angry.
One of my BMs has a tendancy to stir up passive-aggressive drama. She will use social media to complain about things or people, rather than directly dealing with them. It’s too bad, but as it’s mostly harmless, I tend to just ignore it. Add to that that she and I had a huge fight about 3 years ago when she gave me the “silent treatment” over something, instead of actually talking about it face-to-face (like an adult?). After that fight, I told her directly and straight-forwardly that I do not deal with passive-aggressive people, that I will not chase after people who give me the silent treatment, and that if she ever has an issue with me, she needs to come to me to deal with it. That’s the way things have been since, and it’s worked out well.
Everything has been going really well with wedding stuff, btw – I haven’t bridezilla’d anyone, and NO, I’m not that bride who only talks about the wedding. In fact, I’ve been told I don’t talk about it enough! With each of my BMs, I have made sure to stay connected about *everything*, not just wedding stuff. I know what’s going on with them, and have actively supported everyone as usual – nothing there has changed. As a human I’m not perfect, but I’ve done my very best to make sure no one feels slighted, ignored, not important, or anything like that.
Anyway, yesterday my aunts and cousin threw me this awesome shower. I’d known about it ahead of time (just the date – no details) and my jealous Bridesmaid or Best Man (“JBM hereafter”) had texted me a couple of times to apologise because she couldn’t make it due to work. Absolutely not a problem. I’d told them all back at the beginning, “don’t feel like you have to come to every event, and don’t buy me presents!” So no worries there.
What appears on facebook later that day? An angry, woe-is-me, passive-aggressive rant aimed at my Maid/Matron of Honor and me, but of course not with our names or anything. I can’t recall the exact phrasing, but it was basically her complaining “Sorry I don’t have a kid for yours to play with…I guess you’re a better person than I am… Sorry I don’t have a wedding to plan…thanks for reminding me that no one loves me… I used to be important to people…maybe I will be again…blah blah blah.” Basically accusing Maid/Matron of Honor of being holier-than-thou because she’s a mother (and she’s not one of those, either) and accusing me of throwing my wedding in her face.
I have already decided that I can’t let this go, so please don’t advise me to. I believe that we are accountable for our actions, and if you put something up on social media, you can’t get mad later that people respond to it. What I can’t figure out is exactly HOW to go about dealing with this. A mutual friend saw this post and confronted JBM and JBM tried to play it off like it was about two “other friends” that no one in our group of friends knows – BS, completely, but I can’t actually prove it.
I’m at the point right now where I’m not even sure I want her in the wedding. I’m sure to some here it seems petty (because it IS petty – and she’s older than I am, yeesh!) but it really, really hurts to think that this girl has been so kind, supportive, excited this whole time, and maybe it’s all been a lie. While she’s telling me that I’m “the best bride ever!” has she been hating me inside the whole time? It feels really, really gross, and I’m really uncomfortable.
Anyone deal with something/someone like this before?