(Closed) jealous boyfriend

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Is it ok to go out to a concert with a male friend?
    No, it's inappropriate : (13 votes)
    14 %
    Sure, why not? : (34 votes)
    35 %
    No it's not appropriate unless your boyfriend goes too : (18 votes)
    19 %
    It's inappropriate if the male friend is single but ok if they are attached. : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Not sure / depends on the rules in your relationship : (29 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1110 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Personally, I think a concert is a liiittle date-like and I can see why your man is uncomfortable. He definitely needs to just man up an approach it in a more mature way though, maybe try talking to him to see why it bothers him.

    My best friend is a guy and Darling Husband used to be weird about it and the engagement actually made him more comfortable, and he and my friend are friends now too. Guys do get weird or change how they see things when you become their wife. In my case my jealous boyfriend became my much less jealous husband, but I’m sure it could go either way.

    If you had a big argument over him flirting with someone he may be worried that you’re in revenge mode and are wanting to get back at him. If you have totally forgiven him just remind him of that and also that you’ve never given him a reason to be untrusting and that you don’t want to jeopardize the trust you’re both working so hard to get back.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2651 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    See, I personally would flip shit on my boyfirend if it were me, but I have that type of relationship with my Fiance, he can go hang with his girl friends, and i can go hang with my boys and there is no issuse becasue we have full and complete trust in the other, and if something makes us uncomfortable, we talk through it and find out WHY it is bothering us.

    this concerns me ” Hell, a few weeks ago one of my male friends was in town for a conference, and he stayed at my house for the weekend and we went out clubbing and got drunk, just the two of us, and then he slept over at my house, on my couch. When I asked my boyfriend beforehand if all of these things were ok, he said he was fine with it because he fully trusted me.”

    What changed??  You don’t go one day this is ok, and the next its not.  It would be a red flag for me.

    Post # 6
    Member
    724 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I can understand why he is upset. I guess I have been on his end of the story before. My Fiance was good friends with a girl from high school for a while. I was ok with it until she invited him to go to her sorority formal dinner. He said that she knew they were just friends and that the invitation was harmless although he had no plans of going. It was just weird to me because something like that you would probably take your boyfriend/girlfriend or a date to. I told him that I was uncomfortable because I felt as though she was taking their friendship a little too far. Turns out about a week after that we saw her out at a bar and she drunkenly came up and laid a big kiss on his cheek right in front of me. I ended their friendship right then and there. My Fiance is in no way upset at me and now COMPLETELY understands why I was uncomfortable with their friendship. He didn’t realize she felt that way about him and to this day apologizes for the whole situation. I guess I think your boyfriend probably knows how some guys can be and doesn’t want you to be in a situation that could jeopardize your relationship. Even if you think it’s completely innocent, I understand why he may be uncomfortable. 

    Sorry if that was confusing. Just wanted to share my experience with a somewhat similar situation! I hope you guys work everything out 🙂 

    Post # 7
    Member
    423 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I don’t see anything wrong with you going out with your friend.  I do see something wrong with the way your partner is handling his jealousy – he needs to get a handle on it and at least be able to have a discussion with you about it, not send pissy little emails.

    Post # 8
    Member
    178 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    In my younger days I would have probably thought nothing of it but these days there is no way SO or I would go on something so close to a date alone with the opposite sex. Perhaps as engagement is getting closer for you guys your SO is feeling more this way as well. Maybe he sees you more of his future life partner these days and doesn’t want to share anything close to “dating” with another guy? Sounds like you two need to talk it out for sure.

    Post # 10
    Member
    4478 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Personally, I think it sounds a little inappropriate because it sounds date-like.  I wouldn’t like it if my bf did that.  But I could just be old-fashioned and prudish that way.  If it was a friend he rarely sees, I’d be more lenient.  Everyone’s got their own rules, but the clubbing thing w/your other friend feels more inappropriate than this.  It seems like sort of a double standard after the incident w/swinger girl & ur guy.  I know you’re not doing anything wrong, and it’s not exactly the same situation as the one I just mentioned, but considering you felt uncomfortable then, I think you should see his end of it a bit.  

     

    I will say, though, that his reasons for being upset are sort of weird.  Just because the lyrics are sexual?  Weird.

     

    Could this specific guy be sexually threatening to your bf?  I know my bf trusts me and isn’t the jealous type, but once in a while a guy will come along that makes him bristle a bit.  

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    1133 posts
    Bumble bee

    Everyone’s relationships are different but this would NOT be okay in my relationship. We have never had any trust issues what so ever, nor any jealousy. I think it’s just a mutual respect type thing…I don’t hang out with male friends solo/alone and he doesn’t hang out with female friends solo/alone. I just don’t think that’s very appropriate…?

    Post # 13
    Member
    140 posts
    Blushing bee

    I remember the post about the “incident” and how well you handled the situation! I’m glad to see you two are working things out. There’s nothing inappropriate about going to a concet with your male friend in and of itself. I think his change of heart has a lot to do with his own guilt, perhaps fear of you seeking revenge. The lame excuse about the lyrics being “too sexual” is an obvious cop out. 

    I think if it makes him really uncomfortable, you shouldn’t go. However, if you’re going to be so considerate of his feelings, I think it’s only fair he tell you the real reason he is against you going.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I have more male friends than female. there are no jealousies in our relationship. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    29 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    We trust in my relationship. We don’t need escorts if the opposite sex is near and we don’t have different rules for friends with a penis it vagina lol. I guarantee you that he is feeling insecure over his slip with you mutual friend. Guilt does strange things like convincing you your girlfriend is going to get back at you with her guy friend at a concert 😉

    Post # 16
    Member
    788 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I have to side with your boyfriend on this one, sorry 🙁 He probably hasn’t changed his mind, he’s just probably never really been “ok” with the whole thing. He probably just didn’t want to seem jealous or untrusting. I’ve said I feel “ok” with things that really bothered me, just because I felt like I would look like a jealous b*tch if I said I wasn’t. I realize that hanging out one-on-one with friends of the opposite sex is totally cool in some relationships. This *does* sound like a date though. And I agree with your boyfriend on the sexual lyrics too. There was a thread just the other day about music that puts you “in the mood.” I’ll be honest, when I hear a song with sexual lyrics (some of them are ridiculous, but there are some out that are sexy) I get a bit turned on. The next thing you know, you two are dancing, grinding, etc. I’m not saying you’d do anything, only you could know that, but the possibility for something to happen is greater.

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