(Closed) Jealous fiance.

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@Jw1724:  Have you asked him why it bothers him so much that you go out/have friends over? Maybe phrase it as “I noticed you got upset that I had some friends over last night. Can you tell me why that is?”

Does he expect you to sit at home alone when he is at work? That’s ridiculous! 

Post # 19
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I have to admit, I get a little jealous of Fiance that he has so much free time and gets to see his friends at least a couple times a week, while I get to see mine maybe once a month. He gets 3 days off a week, and i’m lucky to get 1 a week, plus I’m plannign a wedding. BUT, I don’t think its freakout worthy, or that him being jealous justifies him turning his phone off. Do you thikn this is just related to his shift, adn the lack of social time he has? Or is there more to it? 

Post # 21
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I wanted to add a different spin. Maybe he’s just upset/bitter that he’s stuck at work while you get to have fun? Obviously working those hours he would miss out on a lot of fun nights out. 

However.. Throwing a hissy fit and turning his phone off is crazy.  

Post # 23
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t think him changing shifts will change anything. It sounds like he’s just got a jealous nature. A change in work conditions will change the match but not the gasoline, so to speak. 

Post # 24
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I really think it could get better once his shift changes. 

Fiance used to work 4-1 and it actually caused us a lot of issues. I hated staying up late and being home alone. We actually had quite a lot of tension because of it. He switched to 7-4 and we are honestly sooo much happier! 

Post # 25
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Maybe when he cools down, you guys need to talk about it again. But approach it in a way that is very sympathetic to him not being able to be as social, and see if you can work together to come up with a solution. 

I’m not saying that what he’s doing is right or justified, just that maybe there is some way you can identify the real source of the jealousy and attempt to resolve it 

Post # 28
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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@Jw1724:  Well then hopefully when you guys talk he realizes you should be able to have fun and do things, although you wish he could be there with you. If he doesn’t realize that, then yeah, it would be a big issue. Your SO should want you to be happy, plain and simple

Post # 29
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

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@Jw1724:  I didn’t mean to attack your relationship in any way. This is how things were with my psycho ex, though. He basically didnt want me to do anything with other people if he wasn’t around, even my own family. It only got worse over time. I’m only telling you this because if it seems like he’s being unreasonable and making you feel guilty for seeing your girlfriends, it is his problem, not yours. This was just the beginning for me. I thought he was a good person, responsible, trying to make me a better person, but there’s a thin line between wanting to be a better person and suddenly realizing you’re in a controlling, emotionally abusive relationship. again, I’m not saying this is you, but you sound just like me back then. 

Post # 30
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

This is a red flag, IMO. My ex used to make me feel bad about going out or staying in with friends if he wasn’t around (he owned a restaurant, so he was never around at night on the weekends). It got to the point that I felt like I was doing something wrong even if I wasn’t. It’s too hard to live like that. If it’s an ongoing issue it isn’t going to be resolved any time soon.

Post # 31
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@Jw1724:  Are you affianced to my ex-boyfriend?  He hated “luxuries” like new clothes, shoes that weren’t practical, eating good food, et cetera.  At the end of our relationship, he told me that if we ever got married, I wouldn’t be “allowed” to see my friends anymore.  I was like, um, WHAT???  Yeah that ended quickly after that.  

If he can’t handle that you have a life apart from him, I worry that your quality of life will suffer.

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