(Closed) Jealous fiance.

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 34
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

@Jw1724:  Yeah, seems pretty crazy.

Post # 35
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Yeah, this doesn’t sound healthy, sorry. I’ve been through this, it doesn’t end well.

Post # 37
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

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@Jw1724:  It really does sound like he needs some help from somewhere.

And you really might want to encourage it before the wedding.

Post # 38
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

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@Jw1724:  I’m glad he’s willing to get professional help. Just make sure you are true to yourself. I know it sounds cheesy, but really. Keep an eye on your relationship as objectively as possible. I didn’t realize how unhealthy my relationship was until it actually got physical. And I NEVER thought it would come to that. It’s very difficult to see that it’s going down that road while it’s happening. Everyone here is telling you that this is NOT a healthy aspect of your relationship (and I think you see that it isn’t). In my experience, and in the experience of other bees who have commented, this is a red flag and is very likely to get worse before it gets better.

Post # 39
Member
4027 posts
Honey bee

@Jw1724:  How old is he? That sounds ridiculously immature. There is no way I could or would put up with that. Jealous that you are enjoying yourself or controlling? Am I bummed sometimes when Fiance goes out to a brewery with his friends or goes to play poker? Sure, but never jealous. He is the same. A significant other should be happy to see their partner enjoying themself, not jealous. 

Is he normally like this? Is he “jealous” about other things as well?

ETA: Saw your update. It’s good he is willing to seek therapy. Though sudden, hopefully he follows through and starts working on his issues. Remember, these are his problems, not something that you are doing wrong or that you can control. Only he can control his reaction to things.

 

Post # 40
Member
330 posts
Helper bee

Im not sure if its jealousy or insecurity, but either way… WHAT??? Maybe you guys should try doing couple things together with other couples so that he doesnt feel so left out but I gotta say, that is strange.

Post # 41
Member
11303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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@Yak:  

This.  He’s trying to isolate you from your friends–a very bad sign.

Post # 42
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@Jw1724:  I completely understand his frustration BUT to take it out on you, that I don’t get.

Why should you pay or suffer for an area that he is lacking in? That’s just not very nice of him. He needs to handle his feelings better here – issues.

You have my sympathy, I hope you two get this sorted out. Hugs to you!

Post # 43
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@Jw1724:  just read the update! Really happy he will be seeking therapy, that is awesome!

Best of luck to you guys! 

Post # 44
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Reminds me of a guy I dated about 10 years ago.  He ultimately put his hands on me.  That was the end of that.

Post # 45
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Passive-agressive controlling behavior. That is what he is exhibiting.  He is essentially “punishing” you for having people over and having fun without him.  Its not about being jealous or being insecure. Having a different work shift or schedule won’t change things, sorry.  

If he wants to get therapy to work on himself, then that is good. But don’t let him turn any of this onto you…this is his problem, it has nothing to do with you.  

 

Post # 46
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Jw1724:  Um, no. Being mad is one thing, accusing you of being a liar and then shutting off his phone is quite another and both actions are inexcusable under the circumstances.

And then there’s this – why the fuck would you need to lie about having friends over to the house? Because he’s made it a punishable crime?  That’s also inexcusable.

So is his expecting you to do penance for the fact that he doesn’t like his job. It’s not his right to resent or punish you because he is dissatisfied with a situation in his own life that has zero to do with you. Are you only ever supposed to have fun with him? 

Id maybe pack a bag and let him come home to an empty house and not come back until and unless he gets why he is way out of line and commits to behaving better. 

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