(Closed) Jealous fiance.

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 78
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@Jw1724:  no worries.  Your replies have cleared up a lot of things.

He seems like a really good guy that’s just going through some things.

I think you should do as much as you can to be a positive influence and support system for him during this time.

Sometimes things like this help you two strengthen your relationship.

He is remorseful and wants to change, so I think at this point he should at least be given a fair chance to try.  In Marriage it is for better or for worse – love is a choice. So, This to me is not a deal breaker yet.

I see this as something you two can definitely overcome together and I also recommend pre-marital counseling at some point in the future. It really helps teaching you two how to communicate, healthy conflict resolution skills and just addresses a lot of things that are helpful in building a solid life together.

Hope everything works out for you guys 🙂

Post # 79
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

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@Jw1724:  I’m sorry my response came off so abrasive. I will be the first to admit that I have a large bias when it comes to jealousy from partners.

My ex started with situations like yours where he’d blow up for no reason and accuse me of lying about events. Then it would turn into a cycle where he’d get so upset with himself so that I couldn’t even be annoyed with him for his actions and instead had to comfort him and assure him he wasn’t worthless etc etc. It started to escalate and finally a good friend got me out of the situation.

I always get scared that another bee will ever experience what I experienced. However, from your further responses it doesn’t seem to be the case for you. It seems more like garden-variety insecurity on his part coupled with stress and perhaps a little resentment he didn’t know how to deal with (e.g. jealousy that you have friends who actively seek to hang out wiht you).

It seems like you’ve gotten the situation well in hand and that you have a good head on your shoulders. I pray that this is the wakeup call he needs. I think if you two are able to get through this it will make your relationship stronger.

Post # 80
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

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@Jw1724:  A few years ago, I was with someone who acted just like your Fiance. It got much worse. I wish more people had told me they saw some red flags. 

Post # 81
Member
11303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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@Fluffmallow:  

I wish there was a “Like” button.

Post # 82
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Sorry, just gotta say – what an immature thing to say.

And why does he care so much if you spend some time with friends? Is HE allowed to spend time with friends without you?
If you aren’t allowed to without him, HUGE red flag. HUGE.

I’d just say “Cutting off communication with me isn’t going to change the fact that I had a couple of friends over, and I’ll do so again in the future. We had a good time, I’m sorry to see you are intent on spoiling it for me.”

Post # 84
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Just out of curiosity, is the reason you don’t go out with friends more because you don’t want to put up with his reaction to it? Would you go out more often if you didn’t have to deal with negativity afterwards? 

Post # 85
Member
2609 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

Well, I hope he seeks help and you work it out. I think most people saying they’re seeing red flags have just known people or have personally been in a situation similar to what you’ve described and it didn’t turn out well. Looking back they see these early signs of jealousy etc as a red flag. I really think it’s all out of concern.

I know that I too have had a friend go through this and it’s heartbreaking. I never see her anymore. Maybe once or twice a year since she got married. She was sure her husband would be less insecure and jealous once they got married or once he got a better job but it’s only gotten worse. He’s accused her of worse and worse things as time goes on. He checks her phone, has broken her phone etc…no he’s never been physically abusive but I consider what he says to her and how he treats her to be mentally abusive. She calls me only when he is at work or when he is asleep. He makes her feel so guilty if she spends time with anyone but him or his mother. She makes more and more excuses – he works hard, he’s the provider, etc…It’s sad. He’s made endless false promises to get help or seek counseling. Eventually telling her he couldn’t and if she made him or leaves him, he’d kill himself. I hate hate hate that she’s stuck in this situation. I’ve tried everything I can to help.

Of course every situation can be different. I think we all hope something like this or other situations turned bad do not happen with your relationship. I hope he follows through and works on it. If you’re able to work through this together then that’s great. I think as long as you’re firm about that type of behavior/treatment being unacceptable you’ll either work it out or see that he’s not going to change. My best advice is just not to compromise on how you should be treated. You should not be treated like how you initially described, he should treat you with respect.

Post # 87
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Your fiance becoming irrationally angry when you have friends over to the place you live, is a red flag. Despite your unwillingness to understand that, behaving that way is not normal.

Post # 90
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

Stories like this make me step back and really appreciate having a kind, gentle (and handsome!) man with patience and maturity – someone who is happy to make me happy. I recognize, especially since joining WB, how rare that must be.

OP, my heart breaks to say this to you, but I think you should run from this guy. Somewhere out there is a guy who will treat you right and value your happiness instead of feeling piercing jealousy and a need to control you.

Post # 91
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

OP people obviously aren’t reading your responses in full and now they’re badgering your Fiance and comparing them to their current SO’s, I’d close this thread if I were you. 

The topic ‘Jealous fiance.’ is closed to new replies.

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