Post # 1
Does anyone else have one of these? A friend who thinks she should be a bridesmaid.
The one in particular I’m referencing is a lovely girl but I’ve only really been close to her for about six months and if I was choosing more bridesmaids she’d probably be at least 6th or 7th on my list. Not becuase I don’t like her, just that I’m closer to other people.
The problem is she’s acting like she’s a Maid/Matron of Honor or something. I keep getting offers for her to do things, DIY projects, she’s arranged for someone she knows to give me a free pro makeup session (on Friday, my wedding is like 10 months away!). All this is very nice but it makes me really uncomfortable should I want to refuse one of her offers or go a different way. I also have a little bit of ‘it’s MY day, I want to decide that’ going on.
I don’t want to offend her by telling her to back off with the ideas, but it’s getting a bit ridiculous. Anyone else had this problem?
Post # 3
i never had that problem. in fact, i had a friend who couldnt attend but was more into my wedding than any of my BMs and helped me out with a lot of things! we were co-interns so she never expected to be asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but after a while i asked her to my honorary BM! it was nice having someone so into my wedding in real life!
as for your friend, its possible she really just loves all things wedding! maybe you could just be busy or brush her off alot time if she makes you uncomfortable. but i dont think there is harm in her showing interest as long as she doesnt state she expects to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 4
I had a friend that wanted to be in my wedding along with her daughter as a flower girl but she has been around less and less and I told her the truth about it, She knows I love her but she also knows where I am coming from.
I would thank her for her help and let her know that you have a bridal party already. Maybe she can have another titile like hostess maybe….
Post # 5
@HomelyNewt: Yes! Even before I opened your post and read the opening line I thought, “Heh, I have one of those… .”
It would be one thing if she offered help unconditionally. For instance, a good friend of mine bought me the shoes I’ll wear on the wedding day and did so without any ounce of wanting to be a bridesmaid in return. I am so very grateful. But the friend that is itching to be a bridesmaid expects to be a bridesmaid in return for whatever she does, like she can buy her way into it, and I don’t like that pressure one bit.
The way I’ve handled it is any time she offered/wanted to do something (tag along to buy decorations for the bridal shower…buy cupcakes…lean in to see a picture of my dress without asking when she knows I want to surprise guests…take a photo of the shoes I’ll wear on the special day without asking…) my Maid/Matron of Honor said, “Thanks for offering but a bridesmaid already has that covered.” This way, it became more clear to her that we already have things set and it wasn’t her business to butt in.
She is a friend I’ve known for years, but I met her at the same time I met a whole bunch of friends. I decided not to choose any of them to be in the bridal party because if I chose one it would be as though I’d have to choose all 8 and that is just way too many bridesmaids for me. Nevertheless, she feels entitled and it is written all over her face. I appreciate our friendship and the support we’ve given each other, but I don’t want her in the bridal party for other reasons, too: 1. She joined us for the bachelorette and everything had to be about her or her agenda. 2. She is needlessly nit-picky about my appearance and I do NOT want to deal with someone like that near me on the wedding day. 3. She flirts with my Fiance, has nicknames for him and slips in inappropriate statements about his looks. Just when I thought she’d subsided, saw the error of her ways, and stopped for several months, she started in again. 4. She wanted to bring her young daughter to my bridal shower and didn’t ask, just stated she was bringing her. My Maid/Matron of Honor and I said no because it was an adult party and wasn’t fair to other guests who made arrangements for their children. We found her a sitter and still she pouted the whole time and kept distant.
I was going to ask her to greet people at the venue and take them around to punch, sign the guest book and be an all-around friendly face to welcome our friends and family. She has a great personality for that and I think it would be a nice way to honor her, but if she’s going to have a sour puss the whole time because I haven’t cast her in the “part” she wanted, the heck with it.