(Closed) Jealous friend?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Well, you know what they say about opinions and what they are like, right?

Don’t discuss planning with her, because she’s clearly not supportive. Couldn’t say if it’s jealousy (nothing indicates that in what you’ve written, but maybe there’s more to the story), but maybe if you stick to neutral topics you’ll see if you like her enough still to invite to the wedding. You have a whole year to figure it out! I definitely wouldn’t ask her to be in the Bridal Party though… sounds like unnecessary stress.

Post # 4
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

is she just one of those negative ppl? you know those types that whatever the situation is, they have something negative to say about it? or is this just out of the blue?

Post # 5
127 posts
Blushing bee

Contrary to what she says, using wedding books and magazines will definitely benefit you and your  FI!

Sounds like she is very jealous. Talk to her politely and ask her if it bothers her to talk about your wedding and budget. I know you are excited about your nuptials, but maybe you’ve been talking about it too much. Try to show some interest in her life as well. Maybe you should apologize for seeming selfish lately, but explain that you are just very excited and wish she could be excited for you. Let her know that you would like for her to be involved in your wedding and share your joy.

Also, you are definitely in line with planning. You do need to book most venues and services 6 months to a year advance, depending on their popularity. Sounds like you are being a smart bride and making sure all of your bases are covered!

Post # 6
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I HATE opinionated people! Especially those who have to shoot you down, and shower you with negativity.

I don’t think I would ask her to be a part of the wedding either, since she’s obviously not being supportive. But I would give it time before you decide whether or not to invite her at all. With any luck it will all blow over soon. But I agree with marigold – I wouldn’t be talking about wedding plans with her anymore either.

PS – I have a wedding book too! I couldn’t plan my wedding without it!

Post # 7
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m sorry, but….BWA HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!

I’m not laughing at you. REALLY I’m not. I’m laughing at your friend, who clearly has ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what is involved in planning a wedding, yet is lecturing you on what you’re doing "wrong." When she talks to pregnant friends, does she tell them they’re stupid to be seeing an OB, as your body knows how to do the pregnancy stuff naturally and you can find someone to deliver right before the date, and that they shouldn’t be reading books on infant care or finding a pediatrician? ‘Cause her "advice" to you is almost as foolish.

I know that it’s a lot easier for me to find this amusing than you, because she’s not my friend and she’s not giving me grief about my wedding. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. But really…she’s being SO ridiculous that I think you need to view her as a figure of amusement if you can. Because it sounds as though she is clueless in a way that I did not think possible for a woman living in the U.S. in 2009. She’s harshing on you for reading a book about wedding planning? How did she learn about new subjects in grade school — through telepathy? She’s criticizing you for planning a year in advance and having your mom help you plan the wedding? Is she also going to criticize you for planning to serve food to your guests and for wearing a dress instead of a clown suit?

Obviously, don’t have her in the wedding party; she’d probably get furious when you asked her to hold flowers instead of doing jazz hands as she walked down the aisle. But do invite her if you can possibly fit her into the guest list — don’t talk about the wedding with her any more, but do invite her, so that she can attend and pick up some clues about what goes into putting on a wedding. You’d be doing it for the good of humanity. Because otherwise, one day she’s going to get engaged, and she is going to turn into the Bridezilla to end Bridezillas as she struggles to process all of this unfamiliar information being thrown at her. Imagine her harshing on her groom, berating her vendors, criticizing her ring bearers, etc. Do it for the children. And when wedding planning is getting to you and you need something, ANYTHING to laugh at, think about your friend getting on your case for reading a book about wedding planning and imagine what she’d say if she were in an operating room as a team of doctors was performing surgery. "Why are you wearing all those masks? That’s stupid; they look terrible. What do you mean I can’t touch anything unless I’ve washed my hands? I’ve never heard of anyone washing their hands before they went into an operating room?"

(I apologize for any free-floating bitchiness in this post. It’s a weak excuse, but…I just couldn’t help myself.)

In total seriousness: Best of luck with your wedding planning, and good for you for being so on-the-ball and disciplined about the whole process. I predict you will have a lovely wedding. I also predict that one day, your friend will be on the phone with a photographer saying, "But, we’re not getting married for five months! What do you mean, you’re all booked up?" and will think, "Ohhhh, THAT’S what SummerGirl was talking about…" 

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