(Closed) Jealous FSIL

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well, you shouldn’t choose her just because you want to even the sides out. You should choose the people that are closest to you and you WANT to be standing up there next to you. I can understand that she is upset by you getting engaged first, however if she is a good person she will just be happy for you. It sounds like she is if she doesn’t say rude comments to you. If you still feel like you want her to be a part of your day, so you don’t have to choose between your other friends, what makes you think they will break up? If they’ve been together for years and are talking marriage, then they probably will stay together. Besides, relationships change all the time, my friends MOH (who had been her friend for years) backed out on her just 3 months before her wedding. Also, if you decide to ask one of your HS friends, you could always ask the other one to be a part of your wedding in another way, such as doing a reading or something along those lines. Just a thought, hope it all works out for you!

Post # 4
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It is really up to you, but in my honest opinion, not including her in the wedding could potentially ruin your relationship permanently. This happened to me and my Future Sister-In-Law. It is touchy ground. Things could really change if you ask her to be part of your day. She may be so happy and excited to be considered, that she shows her support better. I can honestly say, it probably would have really helped if this occured in my situation. I will say that you are being very gracious for thinking of her. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If you don’t my mind asking, how do you know she is jealous? If she is nice to your face and acts interested, why are you assuming she’s feeling jealous? 

If you just know her and know that she’d feel envy in this situation, I don’t think that’s any reason not to include her. After all, she’s really being a good Future Sister-In-Law by putting her emotions aside to support you. If, on the other hand, she’s been gossiping behind your back or something, then that’s another story!

Post # 6
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I did not include my Future Sister-In-Law for the same reasons are you…you and i have similar stories!

Post # 7
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would tell her exactly what you just told us. Invite her to be in the wedding and tell her you are looking forward to it since you have no sisters of your own. If she has a heart at all, that should change her attitude.

Post # 9
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

TG20, I’m beginning to wondering if you’re jumping to conclusions with the whole jealousy thing. I’m not sure which vendor you are talking about, but in all honesty (please don’t be offended,) spending my Saturday night going to see someone else’s florist, caterer, DJ, etc., would probably not be my idea of a good time. And it’s typically not something that’s standard in terms of bridal party support.

I wonder if maybe you’re afraid of her getting jealous, and afraid of her being upset, so you’re jumping the gun and just assuming she already is jealous and upset. Hopefully this is not the case though! Maybe it’s just a matter of mis-communication and could be smoothed out with a lunch / coffee date.

Post # 11
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wouldn’t expect anyone except my Fiance to visit a vendor with me on a Saturday night (or any night for that matter).  I don’t think you can assume that she is jealous b/c of this.  But even if she is jealous deep-down, who cares?  You say she acts interested in your wedding planning, it’s not like she is trying to sabotage you or anything.

But if you don’t like her, or think she is jealous and it bothers you, don’t ask her to be in your bridal party.  It is ok to have an uneven bridal party.

Post # 12
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I kind of agree with Angela83 on this one – I’m not sure why you’re so worried about her jealousy. If you truly want to have her as a bridesmaid, and it would help to keep the peace, then ask her. But try not to get caught up with blaming every time they turn down an invitation on her jealousy. It’s not going to help matters, and if she is jealous, then it’s her problem, not yours! Enjoy your wedding planning process and don’t worry so much about her.

Post # 14
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Maybe they just didn’t feel like going…

I think you need to stop stressing about it.  Based on what you have said on here and your feelings on your Future Sister-In-Law, I don’t think you should ask her right now.  You are still pretty far out from your wedding date, if your feelings change and the two of you get closer, you could always ask her in a few months.

Post # 16
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i honestly am not sure about the jealousy thing so far. what things has she done to show that she is jealous?

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