- 3 years ago
Hi bees. I just got engaged 2 weeks ago and FI has just told me that his family/parents are jealous of mine. Background: my family lives about 15 minutes away, his parents and brother live about 3 hours away in upstate NY. We both live and work in our current location. So it is (I think? Tell me if I’m wrong?) natural that we spend more time with my family since they are closer, location wise. We probably do family lunch/dinners with my family 1-2 a month. His parents decided to move upstate about 10 years ago. FI choose not to relocate with them. We still drive up to see FI’s family once every 1-1.5 months, considering it’s a six hour drive round trip, and we stay the whole weekend (sat and sun). They also drive down to see us and other family maybe 4 times a year. I also adore his parents, they are so amazing to me.
So, after the engagement happened, FI had arranged a lunch with my family. He had been coordinating with my sister to plan the whole thing. I thought it was so sweet and a wonderful proposal. He did ask his own family to also drive down that weekend so we could also celebrate with them, but they didn’t want to. They knew what day he was going to do it like over a month before it happened, but didn’t want to make the extra trip.
This weekend, I wanted to celebrate with my grandpa, so we had family dinner for that. And now they called to say they are jealous that we (or maybe just him, I don’t know if they are factoring me in) are spending so much time with my family. It doesn’t help that my family get along with each other pretty well and we are relatively close knit, I call/chat with my siblings all the time. He doesn’t.
I am perplexed. He asked them to drive down the weekend of the engagement, they didn’t want to (actually they had just drive down the weekend before to visit their own families, which I was present for, hence, spending time with them). They knew about the engagement beforehand. They always have us drive up there to see them, which we do, and I never once have complained about spending my entire weekend there. We do visit his other family here every 2 wks or so (his grandparents, aunts, uncles, b/c they too are 15 minutes away). I think they are just now regretting that they moved 3 hours upstate NY, when all the rest of their families still live here. And all the future changes are starting to dawn on them, like planning the wedding,having kids, watching them grow up. I think they are realizing, my parents will be around for that and they will not. I don’t think they realized all the life changes that happen with a marriage.
Anyways, have any of you bees been in a similar situation? Or what can and should I do? I love his family too. He says he’ll take care of it, but I don’t want his parents resenting me or my family like we are taking him away from his own.