(Closed) Jealous, Insecure, anxious – Husband Female "Best friend"

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 18
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Nora8:  Honestly, right now he has both a wife and a girlfriend.  He’s not going to change unless he wants to change, and I would work on protecting myself – he’s not particularly ocncerned about your wellbeing.

You are not an idiot, he should not treat you like an idiot and expect you to believe he just forgot to tell her he was married.  Even if they aren’t physically cheating, he is a total sketchball. 

Post # 19
Member
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

It honestly sounds to me like he’s leading a double life here. I’d be doing a massive amount of searching out  both him and this girl to get to the bottom of it.

Post # 20
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Westwood:  +1

This is what I was thinking – if she is his best friend, why wasn’t she invited to the wedding?

He is hiding something – if they were just friends, there would be no reason to hide her.

Post # 21
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

[content moderated for personal attack, snark]

 

Post # 22
Member
6373 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

@Polygon:  +1

Post # 24
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m sorry but I would be highly suspicious of his business trips, not that he doesn’t actually partake in buisness dealings but he may also meet with her. If he didn’t tell her you guys were married but yet he tells her everything about his day when they text and they’re “close” than that is a definite red flag. That means one of the most important parts of his life he didn’t share with his best friend, why? You need to explore that without taking his words at face value. Your discomfort with this whole situation is your gut instinct telling you there is something seriously wrong with that relationship, listen to it.

Post # 25
Member
330 posts
Helper bee

I would ask to meet her. Clearly talking isnt enough. I would want to see how they interact with eachother and honestly, you never know what the other woman would tell you if she feel slighted and you are alone…

He is lying and you know it. I’m not sure if it has to do with an affair but it could be that he is caught up in some illegal things (you said fixing reciepts) and he doesnt want you to be a part of it. You NEED to make him talk to you. I know that sounds weird, but you should know how to get your husband to say what he’s feeling without pulling teeth!

Good Luck!

Post # 26
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@kellyk1214:  That comment was so freaking unnecessary and ignorant!! 

 

Post # 27
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I know a woman who befriended a married man.  I told her she was playing with fire but she insisted it was just friendship, she said his wife was an uptight nag.  Sure enough, he filed for divorced (edit: and proposed to her).  She called me up crying, saying that everybody was calling her a homewrecker and telling her not to jump in to marriage.  That said, this is not the problem.  It doesn’t matter if your husband is/isn’t attracted to this woman.  The problem is he lied to you.  

If he had been upfront about this friendship from the beginning, it would be different.  You could all meet for lunch and be friends.  He could call her once every two weeks and give you access to all their texts and e-mails (not that you would ever check them, because they’re so harmless).  But that ship has sailed. He has lied (or lied by omission), and he has broken your trust.  He has not put you first in your marriage, he has put his own comfort/this woman/this friendship before you.  He needs to break off this “friendship” in order to rebuild your trust.  He cannot do that while still texting and phoning her every day!  I know you don’t want a divorce, but if he insists on keeping in contact with her, he is begging you for a divorce.   

Post # 28
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ugh, sounds like he has you, his wife, and her, his girlfriend. I have guy friends but I’d never ask them to cook for me let alone give them my bank account details or invest in a house together. And since you were long distance, you weren’t able to see this happening on the ground.

He needs to break this off cold turkey right now with her. You guys don’t need to meet. I don’t see how she’s just ‘like a sister’. Start also protecting your assets until you have a better grasp on the situation. 

Do you know any of his close friends? 

Post # 29
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

Even if you asked him to stop talking to her, would you ever believe he did? he seems so slick at hiding things.

Sorry you are going through this!!! 

Post # 30
Member
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Nora8:  this situation does not sound right.  he is lying to you about her and he is lying to her about being married to you.  why?

my first question was:  if she is such a ‘good friend’ why was she not invited to the wedding?

i am sorry but people only lie and hide things when they know they are wrong.  i don’t think this is a platonic friendship.  i would accept his offer to meet with this person.  you need to bring this relationship out to light.  i would watch her behaviour around him and vice versa.  their body language will tell a lot.

good luck.

Post # 31
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

OP – my husband is basically shouting from the rooftops that he’s married and how much he loves being a husband.  I don’t expect all men to do that but it is straight up weird that he hasn’t mentioned it to her.  If he hasn’t mentioned it to her it means he’s keeping it from her.  which, as you said, is another RED FLAG.

You need to tell him that you are well-aware that this is truly odd behavior.  Do NOT let him make you feel like you’re “making a big deal out of it.”  That’s totally manipulative.

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